+26 Your wife should know what you plan to do if you are there while she is potentially sexually assaulted and you should talk about it ahead of time, amirite?

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Go to therapy

by Benjamingislaso 1 month ago

Ok " AgingLolita ". Maybe a LOT more therapy would do you some good too?

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Hit a nerve there, huh?

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Idk man, I'm married. Maybe my expectations work for certain men and they've proven it? You can't * know * how you'll react but you can tell each other your expectations. What more can you really do?

by cwisozk 1 month ago

My point is that, it doesn't matter, regardless of how sure you can be that you would behave in a certain way you cannot know it and having expectations on those behaviours is just absurd.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

I think you're being absurd if you think people can't somewhat train themselves to react a certain way in an emergency situation. Do you think emts and firefighters just wing it? People have different reactions to stressful and dangerous situations and I'd like to know what that reaction probably will be. Not everyone lives a lovely life where nothing happens to them. So some people really do know what they will do. And they also consciously alter what they will do if they feel it's important. It takes some work. But if you can read, I did say I just want to know what someone might actually do, and I will make a decision based off of that. And not like, insist someone die for me, like wtf??

by cwisozk 1 month ago

You said it right, probably, so you wouldn't know, and I think that is dumb taking a decision based on that.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

I think if it stresses you out so much to even discuss it, it's not gonna work out. If you can't find someone's that fits every basic thing you expect of a partner, then don't get married. That's an actual unpopular opinion for ya

by cwisozk 1 month ago

lol, if you think that's enough for someone to confirm them being what you expect in a partner just bay saying it to you, then get married on those basis, that's and actual more unpopular opinion for you.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Why you talking about dating and wanting to date certain types of people, if you're married. GTFO

by Lacyborer 1 month ago

Out of interest, what are you going to do if your partner is being assaulted?

by Lacyborer 1 month ago

Well run and maybe die ofc, gotta use the distraction.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Run away and leave him to die from the sounds of it.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Whatever he wants me to do depending on the situation (we discussed this as well of course)

by cwisozk 1 month ago

You can't plan for that. No matter what's been discussed, it will go out the window in the moment.

by Lacyborer 1 month ago

Clearly OP has never been in a real emergency situation.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Sure buddy, whatever you need to think

by cwisozk 1 month ago

I see this one hit, lol

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Obvious projection doesn't actually work on people, good try though

by cwisozk 1 month ago

It sure seems like it's working well though

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Making this kind of plans is a bit like training Tai Chi as a combat sport. It's an interesting exercise, but the plan goes out the window the moment you step into the ring. Too many variables to account for in circumstances, too much stress in the situation and it's like they say - no plan survives contact with the enemy.

by Patient-Quality-4699 1 month ago

Ah yes, gender roles…

by Ginaking 1 month ago

You want a somewhat " traditional " relationship in some ways, you get somewhat " traditional " expectations. That's why I don't date men that don't have a similar mindset as myself. Why would you want to date me if you aren't into that and why would I date you?

by cwisozk 1 month ago

I was just pointing out this is a gender role. In fact probably one of the oldest known to… men? No judgment

by Ginaking 1 month ago

Ok cool, that's fair. Though you would think a commonly practiced gender role would not be so controversial

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Now im curious, how and when do u plan to ask them that? Like the first date, do u just ask would u die for me?

by Anonymous 1 month ago

It's in their bio. "You better be ready to die for me if someone tried to SA me" I wonder how often it happens to OP that it's a deal breaker.

by Neat-Magician 1 month ago

Was just a joke.

by Neat-Magician 1 month ago

You should just discuss these things when you become serious with each other. When you decide there is a possibility of being together forever, you should probably discuss all sorts of scenarios, not just this. What happens if you are pregnant with a severely disabled kid, what happens if your mom gets sick, what happens if you die, what happens if you become disabled, what happens if you go into a coma, etc? It's not great to be surprised by these things, in my opinion.

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Even if you do talk about it, chances are rage or panic will take over when it does happen

by Anonymous 1 month ago

That's true, but talking about what to do in emergency situations, and even practicing it, is the first step in overcoming your base instincts. This (from actual training btw) is taught to anyone with that sort of job. And extends to non work related situations

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Potentially? Honestly, what scenario are you making up in your head where you'd judge the hypothetical reactions of your partner? This just sounds weird, you're weird

by Bmonahan 1 month ago

Idk, maybe my partner would also judge what he does and what I do? So crazy, right?

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Depending on where OP lives it can be common. Even in the West a lot of the time it goes unreported.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

If you're paranoid, sure

by Bmonahan 1 month ago

Funny how you dont expect someone to be a hero and die for you, but you will end the relationship if they are not the hero and would die for you.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

I think it's really obvious you will cling to someone that doesn't fit well with you since you don't have a lot of good options. If someone tells you what they want and you don't want that, just don't be with them. I don't expect people in general to be a hero for me. I expect my partner to do so though, but he is one person within my smedium amount of people I like or love and interact with

by cwisozk 1 month ago

Thank you for proving my point.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

wtf. Can we flip this and say you aren't willing to take one for the team to save my life.

by Neat-Magician 1 month ago

"Honey, if anything remotely dangerous might happen, i need you to die."

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Based on past instances, I'd likely choose violence if my girlfriend were being hurt.

by skilesrebeka 1 month ago

I had this conversation with my gf (now wife) and explained her that if anything happens i provide distraction and she MUST RUN ASAP so i can run too. She was surprised as she was sure, i can protect her. Well, maybe i can, maybe i can't i don't want to test it.

by Inevitable_Depth 1 month ago

I mean this without disrespect. You and your husband have discussed how you should react if intruders break into your home and r*** your husband?

by No_Appeal_3815 1 month ago

More like if someone attacks one of us in a bar or a party, which is what happened before. I mean, if we're at home he'll just shoot them. We also discussed if it would be cheating if I had sex with his clone

by cwisozk 1 month ago

So what you are saying is that you want a man who buys in to the concepts of toxic masculinity and not some liberal man who believes that women are equal to men? Just checking. Because it sounds a lot like you believe men should be the protectors of women because women are not able to defend themselves.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

I agree to an extent. It should be discussed as a what if situation. I always made it clear to my partners I expected to be defended from all harm, from anyone. If its SA or physical harm especially, to do nothing would end the relationship for me. I'd defend them at all cost, I expect the same energy.

by bethany82 1 month ago

Thank you. I defend you with my life and I expect the same. Love hard or don't love at all. Simply don't be with me if that's not what you want

by cwisozk 1 month ago

See that's the extent for me..I dont want him to lose his life for me. Defending me could simply be getting me out of that situation and taking me home. I'd appreciate them fighting for me if needed but if his life would be at risk it's just not worth the confrontation. I appreciate the sentiment of defend me till death but I dont want anyone dying for me. I'd prefer he live to defend me another day.

by bethany82 1 month ago

And that's great and extremely reasonable, and I am not being sarcastic at all. It's just good to know that ahead of time. Also we don't have children, so that vastly changes expectations and responsibilities. My personal expectation is don't die for me if I don't indicate it's something I can't get over eventually. But you must put your life on the line if think I can't put up with it. Or just don't marry me 🤷‍♂️

by cwisozk 1 month ago

All else aside: having a "plan" sounds like a good idea in theory, but your pre-planned response may NOT be what is appropriate, safest, or most easily enacted in the moment. Cookie cutter responses like "always resist" or "never resist" are dangerous. Trust your intuition for the best response to the actual scenario, not some hypothetical. Read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker for a far better explanation of how to keep yourself safe.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

I have read that. And I do know cookie cutter responses aren't the best. That's why we discussed this in detail. He knows what I generally want, I know what he generally wants. We can't really do more than that unless we are committed to going fully insane

by cwisozk 1 month ago

These things happen on a vast spectrum and in vastly unpredictable, uncontrollable circumstances. Trying to 'plan ahead' for them is pointless.

by Anonymous 1 month ago

Well part of why people don't plan for that is because it's so wildly unlikely. When I'm dating another man we do plan how to handle homophobic harrassment and even violence (he should run first if he can't fight) because that's a significant threat that we actually deal with in real life. When I'm with a woman we generally won't plan how to deal with someone trying to sexually assault her right in front of me because that's not a plausible scenario. I'd sooner worry about her safety when she doesn't have the deterrent of an obvious boyfriend right next to her, y'know?

by Anonymous 1 month ago