The person who cooks should also do the dishes, amirite?

I did you the favor of cooking, now you can clean up the kitchen" Feels like a disingenuous take on it. It could just as easily be "Thank you for making dinner, ill take care of the dishes".

by Mwisozk 1 year ago

Yep, my wife cooks and I clean up after. I offer to cook but she's waaaaay better at it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Fair enough! What if it looks like a rabid raccoon ran through your kitchen while you were eating though?

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

My wife has ADD, she cooks like an explosion in a minefield. Once she forgot she was boiling eggs. We were sitting on the deck and started to hear explosions. There was egg shrapnel all over the cabinets and ceiling. I laughed so hard! Then I cleaned it up and she made the most amazing potato salad with the next batch.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's epic lmao

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

If you cook more you get better at it. That's how she got good at it!

by Hkunde 1 year ago

She is like my brother, she can taste a dish and figure out by taste how to recreate it. Sort of like an instinctual chemist. I just follow instructions. I cook like I'm assembling IKEA furniture.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So how is saying "thank you" and offering to reciprocate the kindness a disingenuous take?

by Mwisozk 1 year ago

Ah ok - I don't consider it obligatory. In my opinion, OPs phrasing of "I did you the favor of cooking, now you can clean up the kitchen" makes it obligatory, while the other is an offer of reciprocity, but not mandatory.

by Mwisozk 1 year ago

Nah, you should not leave a mess in the kitchen after you're done cooking, sorry. Wash your chopping board, the utensils you've used, the dishes you've used... It's not that hard and you'd be saving the person who'd have to wash the dishes after dinner a lot of hassle.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You can do it any way that works for you. I just feel like OPs take was disingenuous.

by Mwisozk 1 year ago

Man I cook, and my wife does the dishes, not because I tell her to do it. But it's because she is kind and thankful. If she doesn't have the time, I would do it, and she makes up for it in other ways. It's not meant to be transactional. It's meant to be reciprocal.

by keaganokeefe 1 year ago

"makes up for it in other ways" implies some kind of indebtedness, though. No one's telling anyone to do anything in my house... How do you delineate transactional from reciprocal?

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

She makes food for me and the way she wants to be appreciated for her effort and I want to appreciate her effort is to do dishes. I would not call this transactional. It's more about understanding each other's needs.

by keaganokeefe 1 year ago

well put!

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

My wife and I cook and clean afterwords together, like a team would. Slicing up these lines and setting these haphazard boundaries is a great way to foster resentment though, if that's what you're trying to do.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

relaaaax mate. Just trying to articulate my view of a common household experience.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

No need to concern troll my guy, I'm cool as a cucumber.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I clean and put away dirty dishes as I cook. Once I've sat down and ate, I really don't want to do anything else. So my gf's chore is to put away the leftovers, put the bowls and utensils we used in the dishwasher and run it. This system might not work for every couple but it works for us.

by Terrill13 1 year ago

This is the only way!

by Glad_Management 1 year ago

Already sick of prepping, all the peelings, choppings, slicings, marinating, so no...

by No_Area 1 year ago

Amen, friend.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

I actually partially agree with this because when I cook I use a lot of dishes whereas my wife is a from the box cook. So we split it up. If you cook, you clean the pots, pans, etc. The other person does the rest.

by Corbin79 1 year ago

That's what I'm saying! glad you have a system that works for you.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

My partner cooks like a bomb went off, too, and I'm the master of the one-pot meal. He uses separate pans for bacon and sausage and then slaps it all on the same sandwich.

by Ewunsch 1 year ago

I had the same problem with roommates. I can usually clean up everything I use in less than 5 minutes. My roommates would use every pot, pan, bowl and utensil in sight. I still ended up doing about 70% of the dishes between the three of us and kept noticing how 90% of the dishes weren't mine. I decided to just clean up after myself after cooking and not touch anything they dirtied and what do you know? The dishes wouldn't get done for a month at a time. Some people just refuse to clean after themselves.

by Beahanjavon 1 year ago

My wife and I got to this point partially because she drinks water like the little girl from the movie Signs. And since I don't work from home, she dirties significantly more dishes. However, when I cook, I throw down. So out of respect for each other, we clean up our individual messes, but help with the communal messes.

by Corbin79 1 year ago

I don't know how to cook well so I'd rather do the dishes

by Eleanore81 1 year ago

I agree particularly with your last paragraph... I think in homes with kids etc... sharing responsibilities becomes more crucial to not overwhelm people.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

We usually cook together (unless one of us is sick), so the person who has less work on the dish usually does the cleaning. We usually do the cleaning before we start cooking and then while we are cooking. What remains after we are done cooking just goes to the dishwasher, and what doesn't belong to dishwasher is cleaned afterwards when one of us has time. There isn't a designated person for the task, we try to split them kind of naturally as they come and it works great.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Vast majority of nights for us we seem to have this "natural split" you describe. It's great. Cooking meals is our favorite thing to do together.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

This conversation is so weird do y'all not live together? No one should have to do anything, imo. Someone just does them eventually between my man and I.

by Elviedaniel 1 year ago

so someone has to do something... eventually....

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

Yeah….

by Elviedaniel 1 year ago

No one should have to do anything, imo Microwave meals it is

by No_Area 1 year ago

I think it's weird to have some sort of rule about this.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I would agree... just to be clear we do not have any kind of rule about this.... just wondering how others feel about navigating when this sort of thing comes up.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

Fine... it's really meant to be a conversation about different people's experiences and opinions and not drawing hard lines in the sand.

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

How about this: Each couple out there in the world figures out what works for them, without you mandating how we should all do it?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

who are you talking to?

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

You

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think any relationship that has one person who treats simple give and take to this level of transactionalness (that needs to be a word) is not healthy.

by cjacobs 1 year ago

is simple give and take not the essence of transactionalness?

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

Then i wont be cooking for you simple thats what i say

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If we all eatin the person who cooks dont do dishes

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Fair enough! hence "unpopular" regret that I won't be able to try your cooking, though...

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

Absolutely. Looks like I made lasagna for myself, pizza for myself, lamb stew for myself and once again asparagus stuffed chicken for MYSELF. Unless you're paying for the groceries and paying me to cook it you either doing the dishes or starving.

by joesph26 1 year ago

How about just use teamwork. I would never sit on my chair in the living room while my wife is preparing dinner - I go see what I can assist with because that is part of a partnership. But every couple should do what works best for them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Best thing to do is to clean as you cook. Makes it so much easier

by PeachBeautiful 1 year ago

If you aren't doing the dishes while you cook you are doing it wrong. The kitchen shouldn't look like you used it when you are finished cooking

by Glad_Management 1 year ago

just how my body works also i'm using cast iron which radiates a lot of heat

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's literally not possible with some dishes or for quick weeknight dinners. When I need to cook on weeknights, oftentimes those meal are fast and I need to balance chopping, prepping a sauce, etc. while something is on the stove. By the time the meal is together, there was no time to do dishes while trying to balance getting it done. Not every meal is like this, but quick weekday meals are.

by StreetHousing9526 1 year ago

Do the dishes as you cook!! Then the person who didn't cook does the plates you used...

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Eventually you reach a place where it doesn't matter who does the dishes because if you're not doing that, you're doing another chore. The only thing that matters is whoever cooks needs to multitask cleaning dishes as they go. You won't be able to clean every dish before it's time to eat but you'll finish a significant amount. Do not cook and leave every single dish for the end because it sucks for whoever is doing it.

by Loud-Claim 1 year ago

nah. the stuff i like to make is a lot of work. if there's down time while i'm cooking i need to use that time to rest or i'll exhaust myself and become unable to rest. if i have to do the dishes then i'm putting them off till tomorrow

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This. I rather the cook focus on making a quality and fulfilling meal and it usually takes multiple pans and utensils to make a single dish. I will always wash the dishes, if it keeps the cook from not getting tired out from cooking.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No way, the cook is tired for cooking and eating, why should have to do dirty dishes? Don't b silly

by Anonymous 1 year ago

lmao. It's happening!

by ImpossibleServe7988 1 year ago

I fully disagree and refuse to do dishes if I cook. Living alone makes this probably a silly idea.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If this were the case, my husband wouldn't do any chores 🤣 I cook all the meals so I'd be doing dishes. I fill up the trash can with my kids trash and mine so I'd be taking it out. I put all the clothes in the hamper from all of our rooms so I'd be doing all the laundry. I gave birth to the kids so I'd be the sole responsible party in taking care of them 🤣 we don't do the whole I cooked you clean but we share chores. Sometimes I do it, sometime he does it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree. My wife destroys the kitchen since she's always playing on her phone. I clean as I go. Not an equal task to clean up after each other.

by Top-Stage 1 year ago

Nope. This is never the situation in any kitchen, why would it be different at home? Whoever cooks doesn't do dishes. This is religion.

by charleyullrich 1 year ago

Well…. It's unpopular.

by Consistent_Look_3148 1 year ago

There should be a standing agreement that is followed. If someone randomly makes a bunch of food without warning and leaves a kitchen full of dishes, they can't just tell their roommate to clean it up because they had some food.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I can't fathom the stupidity.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Slightly agree but no. While I can agree you're NOT done cooking until dishes are cleaned, I disagree it's one person's responsibility for cooking. In my House, my wife cooks and I do the dishes; when we have a kid or 2 they will be doing some dishes

by Status_Imagination 1 year ago