People who give unsolicited advice do so bc they CARE (of course there are exceptions) amirite?

The problem is that often people don't know what they are talking about. They give advice on things they don't understand. Simplistic advice that doesn't take the whole situation into account can be pretty insulting. But I agree, that most of the time it's not due to malace, but rather ignorance.

by emilieswaniawsk 4 months ago

The problem with unsolicited advice is often it's based on a judgement or criticism. It also implies you know best, and that person is incapable of solving their own issues.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Or it's people who don't understand your situation at all really not being able to grasp that they can't personally relate to everything and coming off as insensitive when they compare their own situation to yours despite being nothing alike The most obvious case is when you're dealing with an illness (especially a mental illness) and someone goes out of their way to give you advice because like have you ever just tried not having ADHD/depression/anxiety because they felt sad once and they were able to just get over it why can't you

by Anonymous 4 months ago

problem with unsolicited advice is often is often it's based on a judgement or criticism Why is that inherently a problem? also implies you know best In the possible scenario where the person disagrees with your advice, perhaps. Of course their disagreement implies that they know best. That is the nature of a disagreement. Disagreements are just part of life. and that person is incapable of solving their own issues. It does no such thing XD. It miiiight suggest they are incapable of solving the particular problem at hand all on their own, but even that's a stretch to generalize. All it really suggests is that you have something helpful to offer, not that it is absolutely necessary.

by uprohaska 4 months ago

I have a friend with chronic acne and she hates getting "advice" from people that she didn't ask for. She knows she has acne and doesn't need to be told by anyone else.

by Hot_Mulberry 4 months ago

As someone with facial eczema, I second this.

by Kathrynenader 4 months ago

ASK! no one wants unsolicited advice. sometimes it is helpful though. "I went through something similar, would you like my advice?" is actually caring about the person you're talking to, not selfishly thinking ‘if I was them, this is what I would want'

by Anonymous 4 months ago

That is so trueee. I agreee . I should ask more often . Sometimess one doesn't think to ask bc their intentions are not bad or selfish.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Right but not asking, because you assume the person would want the same thing you would want is selfish

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I mean damn selfish is a harsh word but yeah to prevent misunderstandings asking first is the solution.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Self centered then lol. you're thinking about the other person only in relation to your self and what you would want in their position, not selflessly, about what they, as a separate human being, would want

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Factsss

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Harsh doesn't make it untrue.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Unsolicited advice sucks actually

by Anonymous 4 months ago

If it's something they have Knowledge or experience in then I think it's good. Randomly injecting and opinion because they have to give their input does suck

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I mean it actually depends. If you know what you are talking about and saving someone from trouble, it's appreciated. A friend of mine was using a cheap Vape-pod system for example. That system had the fault that when you left the pod in while charging it, the cotton would burn earlier and the pods would last less long(got told that by the storeowner when I bought it). Noticed the friend had it in while charging and told him. Over time probably saved him like a hundred bucks. Before he got himself a proper system.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Some ppl like unsolicited advice, like myself, everyone is different

by Anonymous 4 months ago

That's such a stupid cop out though, you could easily just not offer unsolicited advice unless the person asks for it. Having good intentions doesn't automatically make you right.

by Graciela38 4 months ago

I mean an example would be if I see someone failing a class . My instinct is to advice them with alternative ways they can study (so that they can improve their grade). I am not forcing them to follow it . If I could time travel back in time I would give the same advice to myself. Obviously, with more personal things that I wouldn't be qualified for I would back out and NOT advice .

by Anonymous 4 months ago

And I am not saying that I am right . I am just sharing my perspective and opinion . Like the title says there are exceptions

by Anonymous 4 months ago

So because you like it, then you're walking around thinking everyone else does? Thats just naive (and that's just me being polite). You being okay with other people being rude doesn't mean everyone else is okay with rude AHs intruding on their lives.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Unsolicited advice is like junk mail. That's some rare few like it is irrelevant. It's a generally rude practice.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

by Garth71 4 months ago

Well even when people don't literally ask for advice, they kind of imply they would like advice when they complain about their problems. Most people don't just walk up to someone and start spouting advice randomly. If someone comes to me whining about their problems, I automatically try to find helpful solutions, or relate to something in the past that I have overcome. OP is correct that most advice doesn't come from a place of ill intentions.

by FamiliarFault8904 4 months ago

This! I mean I always ask now. But also if you find yourself in this position (friend complains constantly then gets annoyed when you offer advice) you as the advice giver shouldn't give them advice but you are well within your rights to say: "Hey appreciate this is playing on your mind a bit but we've already discussed this a few times and it's not getting resolved so can we drop it please?" IMO a lot of advice givers need better boundaries.

by Think-Self 4 months ago

Neh. It's really a matter of wanting to come of as wise and important.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I'm sure they do. I would prefer that they care less, especially in the case of total strangers.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Wow. Spoken exactly like a boomer mom who just learned that she needs to have some self-awareness if she wants to maintain her relationships with her children now that they're adults, and she thinks that just not fair.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Omg I'm actually gen z and not a mom. And the title says there are exceptions about the types of ppl who give advice . Obviously there are also the ones that do it out of wanting to control . Which I agree is not right.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Yeahh I guess I won't . I'll ask first . Sometimes one doesn't think to ask first and it's not out of malice … For example if an old couple at a park gives me unsolicited advice about a long happy marriage I would be down to listen to it. So my main message was that sometimes unsolicited advice genuinely comes from the heart . But yes I should ask first . Since the intention is not bad I didn't think to ask first . But to prevent any misunderstandings yes I should ask first .

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Come back to us when you've dealt with a few manipulators and then we'll talk.

by tyler87 4 months ago

This is weird "unsolicited advise" just doesn't exist in my culture. If you're having trouble getting into a parking spot 10 guys will spawn out of no where and get you in there.

by HeftyIndependence 4 months ago

What culture?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Turkish

by HeftyIndependence 4 months ago

It doesn't matter why they do it. Just because they have good intentions doesn't actually matter. Rude is rude. So no, your intentions don't matter. If people want your opinion or advice, they'll ask. If they haven't asked, you're just butting into someone else's life and being a rude AH.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I've said this before but if you're consistently running into issues with people getting upset, it's likely because you're giving obvious advice (thus it's insulting), you're coming across pushier than you realize with it, or you keep giving bad advice. Or you're trying to give them advice on everything which is always annoying and can be insulting too. Also possible you've just managed to surround yourself with very sensitive people. I don't see most getting upset about occasional, reasonable, and casually given advice. And so far 100% of the people I've personally known making complaints about people in general (not a specific person) being unable to take advise I've personally seen doing one of the above things. Usually without meaning to. And I've met many.

by Aggressive-Recipe 4 months ago

I have an explicit house rule about this: No Unsolicited Advice. If I actually care what your opinion is about my life, I will ask for it. If I don't ask for it from you, then I probably don't value your advice or I'm not willing to accept the advice. In either case, offering unsolicited advice is always about the person giving it feeling better about themselves because they tried to help someone but doesn't consider whether or not their advice was actually helpful or warranted. I will ask for your advice if I respect you enough to actually head it. Otherwise, your advise is a direct imposition. It is infinitely inconsiderate to think I have any desire to hear what you have to say about my life.

by bettywisozk 4 months ago

Well tbh when someone complains to me about something my first instinct is to help them or ease their suffering. In this chat I did learn to ask first since ppl just like to vent and that's okay. But in my end I should ask first. What I am saying is sometimes again sometimes ppl who give unsolicited advice is bc in their instinct is to help their loved ones so sometimes they might not think to ask . Of course there are the people who like their ego stroked . But yes asking first will prevent any further misunderstandings.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Well tbh when someone complains to me about something my first instinct is to help them or ease their suffering. And what makes you think your advice is good advice? That's your over inflated ego chattering.

by bethel00 4 months ago

Assume all you want it's fine. I know my character . Yes I learned that asking first is considered more polite. I am just saying sometimes one doesn't think to ask bc they have good intentions . But yes they should ask to PREVENT misunderstandings.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

There's your big fat ego talking again. If you truly know your character, then you are one of the few humans to reach such a elevated consciousness. We all have blind spots and I've found yours. The Q is, are you aware enough to realize you have more to learn about yourself. ...just like everyone else. If you want to help, listen. Then perhaps ask questions that help the other person find their own answers. Yes, there are a few times we may need to give unsolicited and even unwelcome advice. If the person is in danger, you might need to cross that boundary. But that's not everyday life for most folks.

by bethel00 4 months ago

All unsolicited advice will be ignored and returned in the form of unsolicited bad advice at the worst possible time.

by Scared_Sir 4 months ago

I've had men mansplain to me that exercise is good for me while I'm recovering from an eye surgery and I have to stay face down most of the time, and they get mad when I ask if they're my doctor

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I always learned if it's not something they can fix in 10 minutes, keep your ‘advice' to yourself.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

9 out of 10 times people tell you their problems, they are not seeking advice, they just want to vent. As a person whose brain tends to favor logic over emotion, it took me some time to realize that they don't want help fixing their problems, they want support. So be a good friend and keep your advice until they ask you for it.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

HAHAHA(etc)

by delilah80 4 months ago

No, the majority of people just want to put their 2 cents in cos they like to hear themselves talk, feel important or want a pat on the back.

by Pwaters 4 months ago

If you are complaining about a problem and they respond by giving you advice that is understandable but if they just say it out of the blue then yea you're 9/10 not gonna take it well.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Unsolicited complaining/venting will always be met with unsolicited advice.

by OkSeason6237 4 months ago

No they don't. 99% of the time its completely wrong or unrelated. It's for a quick massage of your ego. If you genuinely believe this then I promise you everyone you've given unsolicited advice to secretly hates you.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

People don't want solutions, they want commiserations. Most people are smart enough to find a solution to their problems, and they just want to feel validated--they want to know that they're problems are real, and that their feelings about said problem are valid. Usually, if you offer a solution to a person, (in response to their complaints) it's annoying because it's redundant or condescending. Said person already knows the solution.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

No it doesnt. Some people like telling people what to do.

by Otherwise_Ground 4 months ago

I would have to disagree. I cannot tell you how many times someone has given me, say, relationship advice, and gotten a divorce within a year. Or, work advice, and then you find out they are the worst at their job from their coworkers. Childrearing advice from people whose children are pregnant at 14. I often find the people who give advice are in the least position to do so.

by Background_Cry_3543 4 months ago