Using "Partner" to describe your significant other is pretentious... amirite?

I'm a queer person and I don't understand this argument. If it's something people use for protection, wouldn't straight people saying partner be helpful to us? Otherwise every single person who uses the word "partner" would be outing themselves as queer.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Exactly lol

by Anonymous 4 months ago

This in and of itself is pretentious. Not everything the world does is about queer people.

by Vickie79 4 months ago

OK... I feel like you're just a troll but I'm honestly struggling to even comprehend what you're trying to say. I'm not even sure you understand what you're trying to say.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Um, no. It's a matter of logic. If only queer people call each other "partners," then the term offers no protection.

by oveum 4 months ago

Why so uptight? It's a word, use it or don't use it. But don't be dismissive of sexual minorities. That just makes you sound like an AH

by KeyVeterinarian4264 4 months ago

You sound like an uptight snowflake to me

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Gotta love the ad hominems when people have nothing logical to argue with. Thanks for admitting you have no intellectual response.

by Vickie79 4 months ago

"exaggerated cause" Wow. You are an AH.

by KeyVeterinarian4264 4 months ago

Please add whatever context you think I've missed.

by Vickie79 4 months ago

Agreed. AND it helps straight passing couples who are not straight keep their identity.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

partner was being used that way a long time ago. Significant other is the terrible phrase.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Also, cishetero couples using it now further normalises it for the people who need to use it for their protection, thus protecting them further.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Never said it did. Just a nice bonus for those of us who like to use the term partner.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

you seem kind of obsessed with queer people

by Anonymous 4 months ago

That doesn't make any sense but sure thing buddy

by Vickie79 4 months ago

"Pardner"

by Anonymous 4 months ago

It wasn't just in Brokeback Mountain.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I actually prefer referring to my partner as "cowpoke"

by Sad_Acanthisitta 4 months ago

Is this your material? Because that is hilarious.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Can't be husband or wife if you aren't married. Boyfriend and girlfriend don't indicate living together status or proper adulthood.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

YES, THANK YOU I hate referring to my SO as my boyfriend. We own a home & raise a child together, we're not in high-school ffs.

by Curious-Rope8256 4 months ago

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying boyfriend / girlfriend. I don't think it's restricted to younger ages. It's fine by me. And partner sounds like a business relationship.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

X for doubt that OP is progressive as they think they are.

by nadersavanah 4 months ago

Huge ally, fan and part of the LGBTQ community. Strong believer and active participant in DEI activities in the work place. And multiple (not just one token) friends that are gay, black, native, foreign, old, young, etc. I am as progressive as I say, my distaste for the disingenuous doesn't change that.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

"But if you're not same sex oriented and you're using it, then you just are trying to co-op something that others use genuinely for protection." Let me make sure I've got this right: You're saying that people in mixed-gender relationships shouldn't use the word "partner" because people in same-sex relationships use that term as a form of protection. If people in same-sex relationships are the only ones who use the word "partner," how does that provide protection? My sister is in her 40s. Her partner is in his 50s. They've been together for almost eight years, and have decided, together, that they will not be getting married. (They also, very deliberately, do not live together.) So they can't use "husband" and "wife" or "spouse," because they've decided not to get married. They have decided to refer to each other as their partner, because they feel they're too old to use "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" with a straight (haha) face. "Partner" also conveys a level of planned long term commitment that "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are considered too casual for. TLDR: "partner" is for long-term committed relationships where the people involved have decided, for whatever reason, not to legally marry.

by rpurdy 4 months ago

It's your partner regardless of orientation. Nothing pretentious about. Simply what it means.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

You need straight couples to use the term partner for their significant other in order for that word to be protective for same sex couples. This is coming from a queer person.

by Glittering-Owl5018 4 months ago

Like, if we only have queer couples use it, won't the "partner" be a clear giveaway?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I really don't see why it matters.

by Consistent_Care 4 months ago

I call him a partner because I can. Idk, saying boyfriend feels odd Am lgbt, by the way. And no, it ain't a same sex relationship

by Efficient-Show 4 months ago

I do get what you are saying. But I don't think that most folks do it to be an ally. Most of the people that are straight, that I've heard use it, are usually pretentious in various other ways .. thus making this a characteristic that comes off as pretentious. But I do see what you're saying.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

"Most of the people that are straight, that I've heard use it, are usually pretentious" So... all straights that use it are pretentious? Makes sense /s

by KeyVeterinarian4264 4 months ago

Nope. But could be an indicator based on my experience.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Most of the people that are straight, that I've heard use it, are usually pretentious in various other ways Please.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Thank you?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Straight people using the term normalizes it regardless of their intent. They don't need to be trying to be an ally.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

How do you feel about spouse?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Spouse is ok. As it at least indicates that you are married. Partner says nothing. Could be a live in boyfriend. Could be a business partner. They just want to be vague for the sake of being vague.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Fair enough - makes sense 👍.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Yee Haw.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

As a non binary person if I'm dating someone they call me their partner, because I don't want to be a bf or gf

by Anonymous 4 months ago

This... This is one I didn't consider. However, doesn't fall under the umbrella of what annoys me. But fair call out. This is legit. Jessica calling her baby daddy "partner" to her co-workers just to be ambiguous is more of my complaint.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Lets pretend that your overall viewpoint here is reasonable. I'll entertain it for a moment. But if you're not same sex oriented and you're using it, then you just are trying to co-op something that others use genuinely for protection. Wouldn't this be even more of a reason for straight couples to use the term "partner?" If only gay, lesbian, or trans couples used "partner" then it would quickly out them as such. It would completely negate any "protection" they're getting from using that term. Normalizing the term makes it a lot less suspicious.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

You're progressive and you support the use of a title that can be traced back to when women were traded as political tokens between families?

by Miadamore 4 months ago

Say what now

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I think partner or significant other is more respectful, I don't like the term boy/girlfriend, it sounds so juvenile.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I don't think it's juvenile. I don't see any problem with saying boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't see why one should care what other people think about that.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I feel that boyfriend / girlfriend sounds more like a high school flirt than anything else, while partner is just one notch behind married. For me the logical steps are : Dating, BF/GF, Partner, Married.

by Fun_Negotiation 4 months ago

Most people call that fiance and fiancee.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

No it is not if people are not married.

by torphyalta 4 months ago

But if you're not same sex oriented and you're using it, then you just are trying to co-op something that others use genuinely for protection. If that's true you would want as many people as possible to use the label partner.

by jon63 4 months ago

Nobody needs your pass. People can do what they want.

by OwnPin 4 months ago

Oh, I'm sorry. Was I saying I was a gatekeeper? No. I said it annoys me. Seems like it may be an unpopular opinion. But is still my opinion.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Actually, it's not pretentious. Some of us are not married to each other, but have raised kids together, have grandkids together, own a home together. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend any more.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

You're heathens! JK. I ain't like that.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

You really don't need to be offended on behalf of us queer people who aren't offended ourselves. It's also commonly used in consensual non-monogamy and to be further inclusive of gender nonconforming people.

by dianabergnaum 4 months ago

You mistake the fact that I'm very much an ally... With me trying to be offended on your behalf. I'm not. I'm annoyed that the folks that I've seen use it are disingenuous. The way it relates to the same sex community is that THEY usually are trying to show that they are a friend of the community, yet conveniently making it about themselves.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Sounds like an issue with your social circles more than anything.

by dianabergnaum 4 months ago

Typically coworkers. So not the company I choose to keep.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Is your opinion based entirely on those coworkers? Or have you spoken to other couples or partnered people?

by dianabergnaum 4 months ago

I'd say 80% coworkers. 20% friends of friends or someone I'd come across that is tangent to a friend circle. Every time, it's the same type of person. Sorta upity and full of their own grandeur. Not based on this one characteristic mind you, this is just one that falls in line.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I don't like the term girlfriend because I am not a pedophile and I date women. So partner it is.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Hot take. Anyone that uses "girlfriend" is a pedo. How about "boyfriend", they kid diddlers too?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

How does someone saying "partner" lead you to think that they want to be different 😭. Definition of jumping to conclusions.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Because it is literally the only reason to use a term outside of what I listed above. Those are the types/stages of intimate relationships in our society and picking something outside of that is done for no other reason than wanting to be different.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Or, hear me out... maybe they just use the word "Partner" because it describes their relationship with the person they are talking about??

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Do they own a business together? If not then see above.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

It's not that big of a deal

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I agree which is why the only reason to insist on a term that breeds ambiguity is to be different.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Shouldn't there be a step between boy/girlfriend and fiance/e?

by oveum 4 months ago

No. Why would there be? Dating/fwb/etc. —> BF/GF (or any combo thereof) —> engaged —> married.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Because BF/GF implies that you're just dating, testing the waters, not yet sure if it's going to go anywhere. "Partner" on the other hand says that you've made a commitment but haven't yet decided to get married. Maybe you never will be married because you don't believe in it or feel it necessary.

by oveum 4 months ago

Partner. It just reminds me of Howdy partner like you two are Cowboys. Mate was in style for a while in San Francisco but it sounds like two gorillas. S/O Sounds like an intellectual tired old hippie.

by elyssajast 4 months ago

I generally hate the term "partner" because I've mostly seen it used by straight people who don't want to admit gay people exist.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Interesting experience. My experience is usually it's someone that is trying too hard to show that they're an ally. But really... They want to make it about them.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

OP I agree with your general "Saying partner is dumb". But for me it's not about it sounding pretentious, rather I don't like how cold and detached it sounds

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Fair take. And I agree. If my friend/girlfriend/fiance/wife/spouse would have referred to me as her partner along that journey... I would have felt slightly unloved

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Also, there's no indication of how "solid" the relationship is. Like, could your "partner" walk away tomorrow? Of course the answer is always yes... Technically you are correct, but it is very unlikely for either one of us to just walk away. Something fairly significant would have to happen. We haven't gotten married because it's unnecessary money spent for a piece of paper that does nothing to change our relationship. Also, divorce is a thing for married couples, so marriage really has nothing to do with the likelihood of someone ending the relationship. As for your pregnancy/baby example, it's not relevant. Marriage and pregnancy/giving birth are an entirely different thing.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Nope. That's just your assumption. I don't use the term partner to get attention. I use it because it describes my relationship better than any other term.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I hope it's a zebra daddy. Also, I'm more into otters. ;). Thanks for the feedback!

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I hate the word partner too, but for different reasons. I just don't like how it sounds so clinical and cold.

by Ereichert 4 months ago

That IS unpopular. Bravo.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I know. Where's my updoots?!

by Anonymous 4 months ago

yeah... because.... "sIgNiFiCaNt OtHeR"... what the hell is this? a sci-fi concept? and i don't grasp what being gay or straight has to do with this

by RunFinal7624 4 months ago

somedays i say gf somedays i say partner, some days i say other half, some days i say spouse. in the end, it shouldn't really matter wtf I call my relationship lol. There isn't always some kind of boogey man agenda that ppl believe. Also refering to anything as "woke" is definitely not progressive at all

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Disagree on the woke thing. There should be a line that you think something is progressive for the sake of being progressive not for any helpful, logical or tangible reason. Colloquially that is known as "woke".

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Calling your significant other your 'partner' isn't pretentious; it's inclusive and respectful of all types of relationships.

by Simonebatz 4 months ago

The woke eats itself ^

by Ustracke 4 months ago

Or you could just say, my sweetie or honey. It's a nice term of endearment and clearly defines the relationship.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

The whole point of people using "partner" is that everyone should use it. Queer people started using partner to not out themselves or their partners. If only LGBTQ+ people use partner, that inevitably outs them because it becomes an indicator that they're queer. Cishets need to use partner too to normalize it, and to signify that using partner doesn't necessarily means that person is in a same sex relationship.

by Anonymous 4 months ago