People who tell men to be more emotionally available are rejecting men who are emotionally available, amirite?

They really aren't the same people, though?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah, like this reads more like "People online say men should be softer, but people online also say men shouldn't be softer!" Like, yeah. They're different people.

by Gretchendurgan 1 year ago

Yeah, but it can mess with you if you get bounced from one to the other.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Of course it is! Gender messaging is freaking exhausting. I don't blame dudes for being messed up and tired of this nonsense.

by Gretchendurgan 1 year ago

"People always fantasize about having the other, not what they have" Meh not me . I'm happy with what I have

by Historical-Cause 1 year ago

The Venn diagram isn't a perfect circle but the overlap is there. Especially if whatever the man is dealing with is actually serious and unexpected for the woman who was asking.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If you ask a question, you might get an answer you don't like. That's not the fault of the other person.

by Fredaschiller 1 year ago

Lol. If you think that „I found my dad after his suicide when I was 15" is an appropriate answer to a question about when they will be ready to present their progress at business meeting, then you are unhinged. Honestly, get help.

by Fit-Staff2858 1 year ago

Well that wasn't the answer to a question you were asking, so there's your problem.

by Fredaschiller 1 year ago

OP made a very poor argument, but I've seen women explicitly say that they want their guys to open up... but not to them. What they want is someone receptive to their own emotional issues, not someone who wants to talk with them about his feelings.

by christiansenrhe 1 year ago

I've hear guys say they find a woman, romance her to sleep with her so they have a sex doll until they find their wives. That doesn't mean all or even most men are monsters.

by Jumpy-Mousse897 1 year ago

For sure there are women like this. There are also men like this. I think it comes down to meeting someone genuine who really cares about you and for you. That person will learn to listen. Also understanding that listening the "right" way can be hard regardless of gender. But I definitely agree with you some people do make their lives harder and justify their own selfishness. It can be hard to find genuine people but they definitely exist

by Anonymous 1 year ago

They did not say all or most women 🙄

by Anonymous 1 year ago

anecdotal... and why can't men start with other men , as women do with other women?

by Janick07 1 year ago

Who says we don't?

by christiansenrhe 1 year ago

I disagree. I know several feminists (my wife included) who want men to be less toxic, more sensitive etc., but in the real world they shut us down/think badly of us if we ever are.

by Abbottjeanette 1 year ago

Yesn't? I feel like I've seen a few tiktoks of people saying something along the lines of, "I told my boyf to be open with me, but then he started opening up..." I dunno if that's the majority though.

by Special-Minute-4338 1 year ago

They often are. It's women who want a man that's emotionally available when she needs someone to open up to and feel empathy. But she doesn't want to hear about his problems.

by Dry_Blacksmith_1476 1 year ago

Huge generalization there bud

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Here comes the "not all women".

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It isn't all women. It isn't all men. None of us have experienced even 1% of humanity.. it is someone's experience for sure. But using it as an excuse to never open up to future partners is just going to hurt you in the long run.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

They are in many cases because people are hypocrits

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Ya, such a one-dimensional, simplified point of view... Everything really is black and white for some people, living in this complex world must be such an exhausting experience for them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Men are just as capable as anyone else at understanding their own emotions and communicating them eloquently and rationally, and all the men I know like that seem to be well liked and respected for it. That's different to people who can't express their feelings rationally and veer between completely clammed up and incommunicative or hysterically angry or upset. Being emotionally available doesn't mean letting your emotions take control to the point you are unable to engage with anyone else or think that crying at someone gets you uncritical support for what you want. And yes, society is harsher on men who cry inappropriately but women who act like this aren't generally respected either.

by Think-Design 1 year ago

We often lack a safe place to do it but yes I agree with you

by Present-Roll-5859 1 year ago

I meant that men, as a group, were just as capable as women at emotional insight, because I don't really buy into the idea that men are doomed to be bad at it. I agree that a lot of people aren't currently good at it for all sorts of reasons. It just always amazes me when people describe men as by default emotionally stunted lumps. Obviously some are, but not only do I know lots of emotionally articulate men there's literature written by men going back to the dawn of human civilisation that proves by its existence that men have emotional lives as rich as ours.

by Think-Design 1 year ago

Once again, Good point

by Present-Roll-5859 1 year ago

It's probably culturally specific. When I lived in the UK men definitely cried at sad movies and break ups, and that was fine - I think people would have been considered heartless if they weren't a little teary eyed at certain times*. I now live in Germany and I don't think they do public crying for either gender. I haven't lived in the US. *English people seem to find it mandatory to cry at the end scene of The Railway Children.

by Think-Design 1 year ago

That makes sense right now in America everyone is obsessed with being a "alpha male" and "trade wife" it's super lame out here

by Potential_Line 1 year ago

I feel like women (some of us, we aren't a monolith) keep saying "men need to learn to be more emotionally available to one another and form stronger male friendships for your own health and well-being" and men (also not a monolith) keep hearing it as "women want emotional men, we should show our sensitive sides to the women we want to date."

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Although I agree, I feel that this argument might make some people feel cheated, specially those of the Neurodivergent kind. There are quite some people who employ a more straightforward and transparent reasoning, so when someone says they would like X, these people won't assume that actually the person wants X, Y and W, in A context, B timing and C mindset. This is a huge source of frustration because it feels like you're playing a game right but then you lose because of something that was never explained in any way formal enough to clear out wrong assumptions. We really need to refine our discourse when it comes to human-to-human mechanics and protocols.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

will tell men to open up, but not support them after or reject the ones who do. Happens to women too. When it comes to serious issues, I have not received support from my environment. Society only wants to hear some light rants and venting, never what truly affects you. It's not a man problem in my opinion but I believe it feels much worse because men don't open up in the first place. I am sorry though that this is happening to you.

by Flat_Package1792 1 year ago

Well I notice a pattern, I notice that people I don't know for a long time are usually much more open to these talks. So, maybe it's just the expectation of people close to you& me, that we should (unconsciously) behave in a certain way. In the end I want healthy, growth oriented relationships with others, so maybe this is a good tool to filter people out who don't have our best interest at heart. ❤️

by Braden98 1 year ago

Agreed. Like the amount of guys who treat all of us like some kinda hivemind is astonishing

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's a major issue. They do the same for people in non English speaking countries. In fact, they do it with each other too. I've seen them make blind generalisations on Kenyans, Japanese, Indians, Indonesians etc. Even against British people.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Personally, no. I literally left an unavailable emotional guy to a guy that took some time, but has become more emotionally aware with me.

by Worldly_Shallot 1 year ago

So you traded up for a boy you could train?

by Feilrudolph 1 year ago

Don't make this a conservative/liberal thing because it's not.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But we have to make everything political! It's a matter of good vs. evil, and everyone who disagrees with me is evil and must be destroyed like in my teen hero books and movies! The Marvels man, think about all they taught us!

by CatUnusual2327 1 year ago

Your mistake here is treating women as a monolith. Do you go through life believing that every man on Earth is exactly the same, wants exactly the same things, and approaches life in exactly the same way? Of course not. So it is for women. One woman's desirable trait is another's turn-off. Not everyone is going to dig your vibe, personality, or habits. Women are not a nebulous "other", they're individual people.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I guess opening the box is more fun than picking up the pieces?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

When are people gonna realize that sadness isn't the only emotion? Just because you don't cry,doesn't mean you don't show emotion.

by Hamillverda 1 year ago

True, angers an emotion

by willa80 1 year ago

Idk, it feels nice tbh when males are emotionally available infront of me, meaning they are comfortable with me enough to show their emotions to me. It just makes me want to protect them and love them more knowing they see me as a safe space. But also the ones who are cold and distant, i feel kind towards them as well because I'm clearly not doing enough to make them feel comfortable enough with me...

by Top-Way-8905 1 year ago

Well there's some men who are too emotional and there are some men not emotional enough. Saying one is good and one is bad is a very poor way to look at it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't know if that's an unpopular opinion but I also don't think it's necessarily based in reality either.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Idek what being ‘emotionally available' even means or wtf that's supposed to look like tbh lol

by Verlareynolds 1 year ago

Not the same people. I'm a girl who thinks men need to be more emotionally mature, and my boyfriend is.

by Darlene48 1 year ago

They're 100% not the same group. I married my emotionally available man lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Stay away from the conservatives is solution

by No-Middle-5323 1 year ago

As a woman this is my feelings on it. I will ask you to open up. I will tell you it is okay to open up. What I won't do it tolerate a false accusation or beg you. I will not answer for the crimes of a woman you invented in your head.

by Jumpy-Mousse897 1 year ago

(Some) men truly were not raised right. No emotional regulation, no emotional intelligence, empathy, just a complete lack of soft skills. Source: several of my ex's

by willa80 1 year ago

Well yeah it's not enough to be emotionally available we have to be attracted to you and like you as a person

by Stromanalbina 1 year ago

I'm sorry for anyone who feels like this is their experience. As a woman, I do encourage my male friends to be vulnerable and I genuinely mean it. It's the stoic, fake macho types I gaslight lol.

by willa80 1 year ago

Appreciate you very much - you can't count on society at large to be this way but I've known a whole hell of a lot of women (and men) that really do mean it. Class acts all.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So I think I might know what the issue is here. Men aren't used to opening up. Once they finally do, it becomes a flood of emotion and trauma, and their partners feel like they're being used as something of an emotional tampon. This will only get better if men are encouraged to be more emotionally vulnerable with each other instead of dumping it all on women.

by Effective_Blood 1 year ago

Yeah, don't listen to women about how women feel. You definitely know better. Real Alpha male move!

by Chesley91 1 year ago

Here come the incels.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Worst wedding song ever

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That doesn't make you entitled to a relationship help 😭😭😭

by Anonymous 1 year ago

telling me that can be emotional doesn't mean that they have a guarantee to a relationship. I want my male friends to open up about their feelings but it doesn't mean I want to be with them. the whole idea of men opening up also applies to their male friends, does that mean they're entitled to a relationship with them? no!! and it's the same for their female friends too

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Being emotionally available doesn't mean that punching holes in walls, raging out, and trauma dumping is the behavior we should be doing. It's that you shouldn't deny the way you feel about something due to being a man. Just keep control of it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's really simple. If you are a guy who wears their heart on their sleeve then don't suppress it to appeal to people. If you are guy who doesn't show feelings naturally then don't force it to appeal to people. When you hide who you are and the facade wears off later that's when relationships fail.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes. Just be yourself.

by BarUnlucky 1 year ago

I generally agree with a lot of what you've said. But in my experience, I've gotten more support as I've opened up. Also far more interest in me as a partner as I've opened up, specifically from the left side of the aisle.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't really get what your opinion is: you say people are doing this.. so what's the opinion? That's not really an opinion and it's also not something I have experienced anecdotally.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah I tried the whole emotions thing and really all it's ever done is been used as a way to look down on me or against me. I don't like that I'm like this now, but people have taught me that I should never cry in front of someone.

by effertzedmond 1 year ago

🙄🙄🙄

by Shoddy_Classroom 1 year ago

Incel logic

by Shudson 1 year ago

I physically heard my girlfriends vaginna dry up when I cried infront of her for the first time.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Those aren't really contradictions though. What's useful for ME to know about you doesn't necessarily give YOU an advantage, it gives ME an advantage.

by Ill-Tell 1 year ago

I would be more emotionally vulnerable but my last ex left me for crying in front of her, so.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yea. Turns out nobody likes it when people cry, whether it's a male crying or a woman crying.

by BarUnlucky 1 year ago

It depends why you're crying. If it's because of a death.... understandable. If it's just out frustration, that's just someone being emotionally unstable. What was it? Also there is a different between some tears vs boohoo crying.

by BarUnlucky 1 year ago

How old were you? Were you in your 20s?

by BarUnlucky 1 year ago

22-23, yeah. Why?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Don't be surprised that the same woman hassling you to get in touch with your feelings to be more emotionally available dumps you the first time you cry over something.

by jjacobi 1 year ago

Being emotionally available ≠ emotionally unintelligent. Going by your examples, that's most likely what's going on in that group you're fighting on behalf for.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I know people (women in particular) mean well when they encourage men to show emotions, but they just don't understand themselves and how they will respond to the situation when a man does show emotions. What women mean is that they want a strong stalwart masterful man with iron control over his emotions, and then they want him to shed a quiet tear when his dog dies. But when men genuinely show their emotions, for example showing fear, struggle, despair, etc of losing a job, struggling with a relationship, etc, something real, women are hugely turned off. Because at the end of the day, the woman wants a strong bastion of a man who never shows fear, never flinches, and always has things handled and under control. It isn't just women, but children too. It can be hugely traumatic for a child to see his father get emotional. A child wants a father who has things totally under control, so the child can have some security is an otherwise chaotic world. So men, go ahead and show some quiet emotions about little things, if you dare, but don't ever let any real emotions show. Focus on being a strong, stoic leader who never shows fear, uncertainty, or weakness.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Where do you get this nonsense that conservatives say men don't cry? That's most definitely a generational thing, has nothing to do with being conservative. There's also a big difference between being emotionally vulnerable and losing control of your emotions.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well said!

by Equivalent-Agent 1 year ago

I don't think this is true

by Low-Doctor 1 year ago

lol one born every day

by cummingsmyah 1 year ago

Yeah these aren't the same people. Those who are asking men to open up emotionally very much are embracing it and encouraging it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The men who are emotionally available are already taken.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The people who want you to be more emotional just want their own emotions validated with your sympathy and understanding.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

People say they want meant to be more emotionally vulnerable, but in practice, many people don't actually want that.

by SuccotashAway 1 year ago

found the incel

by nheathcote 1 year ago

People want the person they're attracted to because they aren't available to be available. Once they are available it bores them and they want someone else.

by ActLess3767 1 year ago

Let's be real, we are all a victim of our culture. Whether we like it or not, society doesn't look kindly at men who are emotional. Sure, a lot of people will say the whole "oh they should be emotionally available and in touch with their feeling" they're the same person that would judge that man if they show too much emotions. Like I said, we are a victim of our cultures. We might spew facts or our own expectations but then once we get what we want, we actually don't respect it. I can't tell how many women have said this only to disrespect the man. Not just women, men too but at least men aren't going around saying "oh you should be emotionally available and cry, and be empathetic...etc"

by RequirementOk 1 year ago

Being with men who have a low EQ is exhausting. Well adjusted women want well adjusted men.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Here is a thing, when they say that they want men to be more emotionally available what they mean is: "I want my male partner to be available when I am emotional" not: "I want my male partner to share his feelings and emotions with me, more frequently." That is what they mean when they say emotionally available. They are repulsed by men who show vulnerability and view it as a sign of weakness and emotional instability. Women are allowed to show emotions not because they're emotional beings but due to the fact that there is less risk involved. The only place where they can be vulnerable is with other men, usually with a group of friends, never with women. This is why stoicism is perhaps one of the best ways of life for a man, as you learn emotional control and stability. By the way, the husband who is beating his wife is very emotional and they cannot control their emotions. Wife Beaters are not these stoic figures, the majority of them are super emotional and can't control their emotions.

by Jolly-Gold 1 year ago

That's the advantage of being handsome. You can be emotionally available when YOU feel like it, or a douchbag when YOU feel like it. Either way girls opinion is irrelevant to you.

by PowerDowntown 1 year ago

I don't know man. At least in my friend circle the only ones dating men are dating men who are real adjusted and emotionally aware.

by Champlinkeyshaw 1 year ago

Rage is an emotion too. Ask the walls

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Every man out there has horror stories on how the most personal, sensitive, memories are thrown back or used against us. Many say the right things because words are easy, actions and following through are not

by Timmothyquigley 1 year ago

I... would never do that to my boyfriend though, and he wouldn't do that with me? We are 100% emotionally available AND vulnerable with each other all the time.

by ExtensionBed 1 year ago

I think there's a ton of overlap in the Venn diagram of women who tell men to open up more and women who use that as ammo later in a fight or after a breakup to hurt men.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

as a woman, why should we try if we are just going to be treated like this?

by Jumpy-Mousse897 1 year ago

What do you mean by trying?

by BarUnlucky 1 year ago

I dunno what conservatives you know...But they're usually pretty accepting of a man's feelings.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

When women say they want a man that's emotional available, it means she wants him to be emotional available on HER terms when she needs someone to open up to and find empathy with. If she's doing fine, then she doesn't want to hear about her man's problems.

by Dry_Blacksmith_1476 1 year ago

Women are talking about men they're in a situationship with and men in their friend zone are the ones who are listening.

by ustark 1 year ago

Any time I share my honest emotions with a woman, she never hangs out with me ever again. Never texts me ever again. Whereas if I conceal my emotions and put on a face, women pretend to like me, compliment me, encourage me, and never ever want to hang out or text me. There's a gray area in the middle, which is where women seem to expect me to be if I want to have any real connections.

by Micah46 1 year ago

Are we suppose to say "actually yes please generalize us all even if we don't fit that generalization"

by Jumpy-Mousse897 1 year ago

I don't get all this "men open up" thing. Why would I talk about my feelings? We dudes communicate different from women. That's something that women don't seem to understand (and never did).

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Don't beat yourself up not being able to shake it if you are as that doesn't help. You can see it, you can see that it sucks and you want it to be different, but don't be mad at yourself for being human. We all got programs we couldn't help inheriting or gaining. You'll find your way.

by CommunicationFun 1 year ago

i am the same way as a woman, there is other ways to let your feelings out, i write a lot and it helps a bit. Talking about your feelings to your friends it's really a necessity if you have other outlets, it is the healthiest option but a lot of us just feel like we can't. id say the only situation where it's completely necessary to let someone know what's going on with you is in a relationship

by Tdonnelly 1 year ago

A gross but apt analogy

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So people can know... how you're feeling. Like, for my own example, recently got dumped by a guy who told me he hasn't been happy with me for months. It's not fair to lead people on for months because you can't grow up and talk about your emotions

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's a different matter though. He was just a jerk for blind-siding you.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

which wouldn't have happened... if he talked about his feelings.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is false. Men open up and communicate just as well as women. The problem is that for too long men have been taught it is unacceptable, so many either don't have the skills or are afraid to use them. This doesn't mean that men don't, or can't, do so, though.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I wasn't taught anything. Neither were guys I know. Maybe in the west it's different, but where I live it's very clear how differently men and women communicate.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Honestly you can't win, because even the more progressive types are just as repulsed by an emotionally available man as those right-wing lunatics. Right wingers tell you "men don't cry" but left wingers tell those same men that they're "trauma dumping". Much as we'd like to divide good and evil along the party lines for simplicity's sake, everyone regardless of political affiliation is capable of bias and holding harmful expectations.

by lexie60 1 year ago

But there is a difference of trauma dumping and being vulnerable, i had that experience with a woman in my life that was draining me emotionally and attacking me, so for me in not a bias against men, the person i have experienced was a woman.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

not everyone is emotional. But everyone has emotions. If they never share them, they are refusing to share an important part of who they are.

by Mental_Card 1 year ago

Why am I guilty for someone elses tiktoks?

by Jumpy-Mousse897 1 year ago

Icks are just turn offs. Why are people blowing it out of proportion. There's are people out there that will get turned off from seeing a booger in your nose and there's people that don't care.

by Fvolkman 1 year ago

Men have to be men. We don't have the luxury of being sensitive over small things or even being sensitive over big things. It is our job to be the foundation of strength and courage when the time comes. To protect our families, our loved ones, and others. Straight, gay, doesn't matter. A society with sensitive and emotional men is doomed to fail. Hard times make strong men. Strong men make easy times. Easy times make soft men. Soft men make hard times. We are seeing the hard times right now.

by Msmitham 1 year ago

Protect them from who? Are you in a country that is at war? What means nen should be men so they should not have feelings? What sex has to do with it? You can be emotional open, vulnerable is some areas and tough in others. Humans should be humans first and most, feelings are part of it. Women are more likely to be victims of someone they know like a partner that a stranger, so you are not protecting anyone.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Jesus christ you guys make up all these rules for yourself and then complain when the rules are oppressive.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Men will literally lay on the floor, place a boot on their heads then scream "I am suffering"

by Jumpy-Mousse897 1 year ago

I always say this. Dont listen to women on how to attract women. When women answer this question, they answer it, thinking what they want in a lifelong partner and in hyperbole. That stuff does not attract women initially, though they may find it attractive later in the right context. You listen to men who are successful at it.

by pthiel 1 year ago