+53 It's not ok to be friends with an ex, amirite?

by christophereill 1 week ago

I think this is generally true but there's lots of room for nuance. Close friends, doing lots of stuff together, group vacations etc? Probably not Friends like, can make polite conversation at social gatherings like the rest of the people you're on good terms with and bump into now and then for drinks? If the breakup was good or you guys made amends probably. Assuming it doesn't cause problems with current relationships

by Hudsonnorris 1 week ago

I get what you mean. And I do agree

by christophereill 1 week ago

🤨

by Leatha97 1 week ago

Lol.

by Frosty-Combination 1 week ago

I agree with what you say except, I find it disrespectful to your partner to go have a drink 1 to 1 with ur ex.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Hold up, did y'all start dating through ur families or your families become close through you two?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I have exes that I would be completely fine being just friends with. I also have exes that, nah, I'd rather die than even just see them again. It's all situation dependent

by Maximum_Ad1981 1 week ago

I feel like people who are all or nothing about being friends with exes either have too much dating experience or not enough. If you're genuinely interested in the person just talk to them about the ex they're friends with and get an idea of how they are together. If it's not something you're comfortable with, then don't be with them. It's that easy lol

by Funkcade 1 week ago

Agreed, some people it can work, others it just won't. Takes maturity is all

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Agreed. Most of my exes are in good terms with me and I'm fine with being friends with. No relapses and some are even married and I wish them the best. There is only one ex whom I feel nothing more other than abject hate. Surprisingly (or not), she was also the one whom I used to love the most with all my heart.

by BudgetArrival6193 1 week ago

Wow your wording makes it sound like you have tons of exes, what a way to lose your value quickly. How many are there?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You sound like a very lovely person. I, too, wish that I could keep people I care about around

by christophereill 1 week ago

That's a very mature way of thinking..

by christophereill 1 week ago

i used to not have an issue with it, but after years of dating, if an ex is still in the picture they will cause problems. it has always worked out that way, and i never wanted to be a controlling guy about who someone is friends with, but i don't accept that anymore.

by Left-Percentage 1 week ago

This really only applies if every past relationship ended poorly. If it ended amicably, then I'm not sure what the problem is.

by Successful_Rip_5680 1 week ago

The problem is that no future partner prefers to see someone with exes hanging around. If the choice were given, either this girl with exes around, or the same girl with no exes around. >99% would go for the latter

by Earnestine54 1 week ago

they are keeping a door open for some reason or another. people don't want to commit to things.

by Left-Percentage 1 week ago

That is so unfair for the next genuine person though

by christophereill 1 week ago

If you're with someone and it doesn't work out and you break up, and you wind up married to someone else down the road, that somehow makes them your second choice? That math doesn't add up. By that metric, the only first choice is your first relationship. I had 3 long term relationships before I met my husband, and thank God I didn't marry any of them or I would have missed out on my husband. Nice try at being a Debbie downer though.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

There's really nothing to be jealous of I could see jealousy if you genuinely enjoy the friend's company more than you enjoy the partner's. Unsure what the proper course of action there is but I don't think it involves dropping the friend.

by Eastern-Setting 1 week ago

It's not that rare, this exact same situation happened to me. We had a great friendship and respect for each other but the romantic connection never grew like it should have, so we broke up. A lot of people get in relationships just to be in a relationship. People say theyre in love but a lot of times it's infatuation or just lying to themselves. Im sure there are a lot of people who are probably better off friends with their partner, but because they're comfortable they don't want to break up.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I think that's still fine as long as you set boundaries and had a good break up. Take time if you need it but I don't think most people do.

by Xkoepp 1 week ago

I feel like it's not that black and white, some people just truly make better friends than partners

by Erika09 1 week ago

L position. At some point you will be an EX. So if you can't still be friends, then the relationship was based on nothing besides banging.

by murazikarianna 1 week ago

L take

by Earnestine54 1 week ago

Most of my exes are good friends of mine. We were friends before dating and though there was usually a month or two after breaking up to heal, we went back to being friends afterward. One of my exes is my best friend and has been for almost 20 years. The only exe I refused to be friends with cheated on me and insulted me during the break up. He was and still is immature and blamed me for his cheating. It really depends on the people involved. My exes and I realized we'd made better friends than lovers and made steps to correct our relationships accordingly. None of them have ever interfered in a later relationship or caused any unnecessary drama in each other's lives.

by Uvon 1 week ago

I used to think like that as well and most of my exes are scum, except one. We met during the pandemic and then realized we were better off as friends. He's the only ex I'm friends with. Sometimes it's just like that. 🤷‍♀️

by Anonymous 1 week ago

i feel like this isnt an unpopular opinion and probably something you're experiencing personally

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Is it not possible to have form an opinion and try see it from another perspective if I am going through struggles currently?

by christophereill 1 week ago

I think they mean that it is a popular opinion if you look past the double negative. Most people find it weird, a few are okay with it.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

What if you just dated for a few weeks/ months? Sometimes something seems promising but after a little while you just realize it's more of a platonic thing? It is hard to be friends with someone when a serious relationship took place, but I will be friends with my high school boyfriend forever probably and I'm so happy for that.. maybe plenty of time passing is also an exception?

by Hairy-Wedding-115 1 week ago

I've known several couples who have broken up and remained friends. I'm good friends with one ex and friendly with another (we live on opposite sides of the country, so not like I ever see them). Some people realize they are better off as friends. Everyone's situation is different.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Some people live their lives with rules. Others with wisdom

by riley92 1 week ago

I dunno. It depends about why the breakup happened. If the relationship became toxic and/or ended up badly, yeah, being friend with you ex is weird. But if you just... grow apart, and the romantic feelings just go away, but you still care for one another? I think staying friends is not weird. Like, you were important part of each other's lives, it's hard to denounce that.

by uconsidine 1 week ago

being friends with an ex is ok

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Why though

by christophereill 1 week ago

How did you process the hurt of a break up together as friends or was it done isolated while keeping them around?

by christophereill 1 week ago

I'm not sure I understand your question exactly. To answer what I think you are asking, one of them we dated for a long time, then didn't talk for maybe 1-2 years, then became friendly and right now we are pretty close, talk weekly. The other we were friends first, dated for a year maybe, we tried transitioning into friends pretty quick after dating but that became toxic for reasons. Spent a couple of years apart, she reached back when she was in a committed relationship, we started talking, and are friends again. I was at her wedding last year. I don't talk to her as much these days, but mainly cause she moved countries.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Agreed.Move on.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I agree, it's always a wierd dynamic when I meet people who say they've just agreed to be friends. Like ok, so the next person you date is supposed to be cool right off the bat that someone you were intimate with and most likely said you loved is someone you call a good friend? That doesn't exactly set a good foundation where I'd be skeptical still that they never really took time to really heal and established that boundary of nothing intimate.

by ResponseOk5890 1 week ago

Lesbians do this which is probably why our divorce rate is 75% Ugh toxic people.

by Dear_Airline_3831 1 week ago

I only suggested being "friends" with my exes because I wanted to win them back. Never worked. Just got even more hurt because I allowed them to use me.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Of course it's okay, since you make your own rules. But if a partner is doing it, and you feel jealous, it's up to you to decide on how to react to it. But forbidding others to be friends sounds like a bad idea.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I agree with you.. it's down to the extent we can accept

by christophereill 1 week ago

I agree. One can't move on easily if the ex is still a friend.

by Windlerrichmond 1 week ago

"you dont leave a part of a tumor around just cause it was apart of you" idk the actual saying if this sounds weird at all

by zschmeler 1 week ago

For those of us not currently in or fresh from high school… I am friends with nearly all of my exes. Why? Because I liked them as people and we just didn't work out romantically long term. Did you know that people of opposite sex can and regularly are friends? Weird, right?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

you can never really just friends after anyway. civil, sure. friendly, depends on the break up. but be really friends, youre lying.

by Matilde24 1 week ago

Doesn't that show they're only hanging around in case of leftovers

by christophereill 1 week ago

It depends. In a serious relationship, sure, but if we got together then figured out we're more compatible as friends that's a different Story.

by Civil_Interaction 1 week ago

Is this really unpopular?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

What if the kids are grown?

by Express-Unit 1 week ago

If we were good friends before getting together, and we broke up on good terms, why wouldn't I want to remain friends with them? It'd be totally different if it was on bad terms, of course. But otherwise, I don't see an issue with continuing to be in contact with them as friends as long as you set ground rules it will never be anything more than platonic again. Usually two mature people can agree to those terms and move forward.

by kaileyking 1 week ago

I think it's okay if someone is still cool with their ex, especially if they run in the same circles. however I would not date anyone that regularly sees their ex on an one-on-one basis, or is just generally closer to an ex than being a friendly acquaintance that may or may not briefly catch up once in a while.

by Over-Connection8906 1 week ago

Why not? Only reason we broke up is because she moved to a different country. Still talk

by Kuphalvalentin 1 week ago

Me and my ex would pretend like we would stay friends, but every interaction we would end up saying horrible things to each other

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I'm so sorry.. how did things end up?

by christophereill 1 week ago

Ended up going completely seperate ways, it was the only option, I'm in a very happy relationship now tho so no fret.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Bless your heart for exploring your own path

by christophereill 1 week ago

I don't think it's an unpopular opinion but I think the term "friend" is so nuanced these days - I have friends I only speak to on social media or friends I see every couple of months and then a friend I talk to every day. I am "friends" with a lot of my exs - we text occasionally, keep tabs on each other's lives, even have hangout occasionally. I probably wouldn't ever try to make them anything more than that. I just got out of a situation where my ex was best friends with her ex fiancé (oh lesbians), it's a hard situation and it's not for everyone - to me, I couldnt care less if someone has seen my partner naked, it's the emotionally intimacy that makes me feel uncomfortable. 🤷‍♀️

by Anonymous 1 week ago

In my experience, some of us weren't meant to be a couple. We were meant to be friends and the friendships have worked out 10 xs better than the relationships. 🤷

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I think it only works well if you guys were friendly before, and are on the same page as in, realized you don't feel that crazy for each other.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

My ex is my best friend. 13 years going strong.

by Lester23 1 week ago

Does it count if you were only online dating? (this was like 6 years ago I'm not stupid...now) because while I'm not like "Talk every day" friends with my ex, I'm not "I hate this person and want them to die" enemies.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Going no contact for 6 months then getting in each other's friend zone is working

by shyannharber 1 week ago

I have exs I'm friends with. So does my husband. We've been married for 21 years. We were very good friends with one of his exs. Our kids were friends, and we all miss her presence in our lives. Involved in her funeral, mourned together with her family and everything. It's absolutely OK to be friends with an ex if you're just friends after breaking up.

by ConsistentWriter2236 1 week ago

You have got to be kidding.

by Mkemmer 1 week ago

When you say it's not okay to be friends with an ex, are you also saying it's not okay to be exes with a friend (friends first, try a relationship, go back to friends)? Because unless someone's on tinder all the time, they'll be dating people they know already.

by Valentinehagene 1 week ago

If it was a healthy relationship where they just realized it wasn't working for them and the breakup was amicable, I don't think it's a big deal. Why be a couple and have all that connection I imagine that sometimes, it just happens. They may realize they don't want the same things. Like if one comes to the conclusion they want children and the other doesn't.

by Successful_Rip_5680 1 week ago

Most my ex's I don't want to be friends with but my best friend was my partner for 7 years before we realized we worked better as friends. Are you saying that's not ohk that we're friends? I would say you're pretty stupid tbh

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I don't know that I agree, personally I'm not friends with any of mine because quite frankly they're awful but I don't think you can make a blanket rule for this kind of thing when everyone is different

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This sounds yet another half-baked, overly emotional, monogamously cishetero take that fails to take into account all of the possible scenarios.

by harrissantina 1 week ago

I think given the billions of combinations you can have in this world it's more than possible to really like someone and want to hang out... you misinterpret that as romantic. Try the sex thing... don't like that... but still want to hang out. I realize that's probably very disconcerting to some relationships. It's sort of similar to "work spouses." It can be uncomfortable to know your SO has such a deep connection with someone else. That said... try to picture it as the same sex. Would it matter so much to you then? I think it's just people's insecurities. Probably because sometimes cheaters gaslit them into believing it's just a friend while basically banging their "friend." Two things can be true. User discretion advised!

by Adelbert01 1 week ago

Because we moved to different cities for work.

by Dickinsonenoch 1 week ago

My ex husband is my best friend. He's like a brother to me. Married 11 years, divorced almost 30. Love him unconditionally, but that doesn't mean we should be married.

by marksheaven 1 week ago

Of course, I don't think I have the capacity to advise you what to do with someone you cherish. It seems like you managed to turn it into a cherished and beautiful relationship. It is something that I have yet to experience in life. 11 years of marriage is incredible. How did you handle the divorce with him as a friend?

by christophereill 1 week ago

Depends if they were friends first longer than the romance lasted...

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Can't spell sex without the ex.

by ExpertPlenty2744 1 week ago

You seem very insecure…

by Victoriahoppe 1 week ago

Argument not compelling

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I was best friends with my now boyfriend for more than a year, before we got in a relationship. And when we were just best friends, neither of us had feelings for each other. My boyfriend is still my best friend. If we decide it's not working out, and we should break up, he will still be my best friend.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Just because you decide you can't date someone doesn't mean you can't be friends with them. When I first got with my wife a couple guys she had dated prior to me would come hang out camping or whatever with us it was a fun time they were cool people I actually became friends with them till we move away.

by Pleasant_Sherbert_68 1 week ago

If you break up in good terms with agreement because the relationship didn't work out, you can stay friends.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I take marriage very seriously and have broken up with exes simply because I don't see that future with them. The fact that I've made that choice means that I've ruled out a dating/marriage/sexual relationship with them. If you can't trust me enough to still be friends with them, you're out too. I CHOSE to not be in a relationship with them and I CHOSE you. That should mean something to you.

by Kjacobson 1 week ago

I think it's ok only if certain amount of time has passed. But not a close friendship, more like an acquaintance.

by alvina22 1 week ago

My ex wanted to be friends, but it weren't for me. After 3 years of living together and having so much history, it just wouldn't have worked. Sadly we don't talk now, but I'd rather that, than be friends. We occasionally see each other at a mutual friends parties, but without ignoring him, we don't exactly talk.

by Turbulent_Aioli 1 week ago

I've got exes that I'm still good friends with decades later 🤷‍♀️ it may not be ok for you, but it's no problem for some of us

by francescafranec 1 week ago

Being friends with exes is just like Marxism, excellent on paper, disastrous in practice

by Cristobalzieme 1 week ago

If you kept it hidden then you would get told

by evie23 1 week ago

If you have slept together it probably won't work as friends.

by ResidentPension 1 week ago

I think you can be neutral with each other and support them. However, I wouldn't recommend hanging out with them or talking on the regular unless it was an extremely short relationship.

by doylerosanna 1 week ago

I agree with you. Usually, if I'm friends with an ex, I make sure there's a lot of distance and boundaries between us, and I make sure that we definitely do not talk every day. I just feel like it's the right thing to do.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Yeah, I feel it is the only respectful thing to do

by christophereill 1 week ago

It's downright dishonest to break up with somebody and then just pretend to still be fine with it. I'm not saying to be an asshole or anything, but it's just as bad to shrug it all off and act like nothing's wrong and have little in your life actually change. A break-up should be somewhat emotionally taxing and it should absolutely be a physical "breaking away" if you're ever going to get back on your feet again. This isn't about her anymore; it's about you getting back on your feet and respecting yourself. I had an old ex start messaging me during the height of the coronavirus and it was glaringly apparent that she'd just broken up with somebody, was lonely, but had been willing to be with other guy(s) for literally a decade since our breakup. No, no, no. I'm worth more than that, and frankly she's worth more than that. Settling would've only made us each dependent on each other and still very distrusting otherwise. Bad, bad, idea. You've got your own life to deal with and if someone willingly rejects you from theirs, they have terminated their side of the social agreement. Again, you don't have a license to be an asshole, but you don't have a license to be their best buddy again, either.

by Simple_Broccoli 1 week ago

I love what you said.. we need to know that we are worthy and we need to have that self respect. It's a timely reminder

by christophereill 1 week ago

Anybody wanna bet OP is under, say, 23?

by Optimal-Priority1981 1 week ago

That's an interesting take for me. How is it possible to segregate and compartmentalise the physical and emotional part of what used to happen?

by christophereill 1 week ago

Exactly correct. You def need to let time the great healer do its work. Then later on you can probably be friends again and it won't be weird at all. Definitely depends on the context and relationship etc but I am friends with an ex. They had a child recently and I am just delighted for them. I don't feel weird at all, and neither does she. It's been 10+ years. We are different people now and have matured but I still find her personality to be admirable and I am proud of her. It enriches your life if done correctly.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

When is the right point to reestablish contact with an ex?

by christophereill 1 week ago

When whatever it was, doesn't sting anymore. For either of you.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Ah.. I can see where you're coming from. I feel maybe it is down to an individual's perception of the breakup

by christophereill 1 week ago

One demographic is gonna say "Oh but I still wanna be friends with them", the other demographic know full well ex's shouldnt be friends. We know who's who...

by According_Profit 1 week ago

We know who's who I'm not sure I do. Don't be coy, what exactly are you saying?

by Prudent-Ganache 1 week ago