+41
If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why, amirite?
by Anonymous1 week ago
Sometimes you have told them, sometimes multiple times, but it was never heard.
by Anonymous1 week ago
In my experience, the reason has been given a few times and they just don't listen.
by Yratke1 week ago
"so it's because I'm not pretty enough" "Uhm actually I just explained it all in detail" my last break-up
by Unfair-Ad1 week ago
With out an invite? That bitch.
by Connect-Minimum-45611 week ago
Right? It wasn't even a problem until she decided to go without him. That bitch.
by Faustinowitting1 week ago
"it's another girl isn't it?"
by Anonymous1 week ago
This. If you're dealing with a sane person who is reasonable then of course they deserve to know why. However, if you've been in a relationship with someone who is not fully sane, even if there is no physical danger, it still may make more sense to just walk away. I had to end a toxic platonic friendship rather abruptly as this person kept crossing the same lines again and again. This was over a decade easily. I thankfully grew a pair and despite still caring about them, I had to care about my sanity more - they did not and will never understand why their friendship was toxic for me, or how what they did was too far. I could have spelled out every reason I needed to cut tues into a 100 page tome, but I kept it to a very short email. Sometimes I do wish I had written a longer explanation, but it really would not have mattered as this person is never going to change. Ending that friendship is one of the best decisions I have ever made.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Sometimes the reason is simply "I don't want to be dating you anymore." and it's not really anyone's fault.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Yup! Same here, I even said I wanted couples counselling. No dice. When I finally ended it a couple months later, I apparently blindsided him, I was evil and disgusting, and he didn't know things were really that bad.. he claimed it was all because he "didn't vacuum" ONE time. Also claimed I ran him out of town…
by cathylockman1 week ago
I broke up with a guy and told him exactly why we were breaking up and he told me he "didn't accept it" and it "wasn't a real reason." Too many people use the breakup reason as an excuse to argue. He now tells everyone I broke up with him without giving him a reason and that I basically ghosted him.
by NoTap37411 week ago
Yeah, my ex tells people I was cheating. I wasn't. He still uses that story six years later to pull chicks at the pub. I think when you get dumped, especially in a long term relationship, part of coping is making up your own reasons why it happened/crafting a villain narrative. For a lot of ppl it seems like that's easier than facing the actual truth.
by Beautiful_Owl30171 week ago
I went out one time with someone who had recently been divorced, the primary driver was the ex-husband's WOW habit that he refused to change. We never became a thing but she was cool to hang out with.
by Anonymous1 week ago
What was he playing though? If it was online and he couldn't pause it I'd understand. /jk
by Anonymous1 week ago
I was just about to beat the level! You know how hard I worked on this, babe!
by Ernseranita1 week ago
If you've been ghosted three times like OP has it's time to do a bit of self reflection.
by cummingsadelle1 week ago
Right, but YOU TOLD THEM. That's not on you.
by Anonymous1 week ago
But you told them. That's the key element.
by Adventurous_War35751 week ago
And they deny they were told
by Bennybrown1 week ago
I went NC with my family after telling them for over 15 years why I was unhappy with the way they treated me. Afterwards they all just decided I was bi-polar.
by Ihudson1 week ago
This is most likely the case, I don't know why no one is pointing out the fact that OP said that 3 people have done this to him. At that point he has the be the problem, they probably did give him reasons but he just didn't listen or they weren't good enough for him.
by Anonymous1 week ago
That or it got to the point where his gf's did bring up problems and he promised to change but didn't and they got fed up and just left. Some people will try to argue their way back into a relationship with you and may even seem convincing to have changed for a bit. Idk, giving reasons when they want you to stay seems like a way to give them more power to manipulate you.
by Janick681 week ago
Loool, I would leave without an explanation, too
by Anonymous1 week ago
Your gut feeling's likely wrong on this one chief lol
by Anonymous1 week ago
This ☝️
by Weary_Bid_77881 week ago
This, so much, final straw comes around and then they wanna pikachu face after stuff was discussed many times.
by Beneficial_Act79631 week ago
YUP if and when I leave he will 100% have no idea why despite multiple serious issues I have vented over and over.
by Berylwatsica1 week ago
All these "no one owes you anything," yall are correct. But you could also just be a decent human being and communicate because two people put in time and effort. It isn't just about you. Respect, humanity.. some compassion maybe?
by Cbruen1 week ago
Yep. I was ignored under the guise of "boundaries" and given no reason for a break up. Most of us know we aren't owed anything, but it really does suck to know you weren't worth even a courtesy conversation. It's not only "I deserved to know" but also "I was part of this relationship too."
by Anonymous1 week ago
I had one of those. She set rules and then when she was pissed off at me being pissed off at her skipping my birthday she changed everything completely and just got angry at me for it. Her last straw was me taking "I'd rather you didn't come and see me when I have inventory to do" as "I'd rather you came when I don't have inventory to do" when it was her apparently her establishing a boundary completely inverse of what the relationship was built on (meeting at each other's work location when we work at the same company). I didn't even go see her to break the boundary, I had asked her if it was ok and she freaked out about it.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I've also unfortunately found some use it as a way to keep the person around. No closure, to keep them thinking about it, especially if it's one of those times where there is no warning. I have one that 10 years on I still wonder why because I was given no warning and everything was going really good. But they still in the mind the longest because the why question is always there. But anything in a dangerous situation, fair game, do what you gotta do to get out safely.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Are we really not owed anything? I feel like I owe people decency, some forms of respect, and due courtesy. I don't quite understand the idea of not owing people anything.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Yes, they can have a well-intentioned meaning, but if taken literally and as absolute, sayings like 'no one owes you anything' are borderline psychotic or at least narcissistic. Similar to the oft repeated saying: 'you shouldn't care what anyone thinks'. Selfish violations of basic social norms. Most of us would OF COURSE advise one another: 'look I know breakups suck, but the other person does deserve the decency of you being straightforward and honest'.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Well said
by Anonymous1 week ago
No one owes you anything, but we, like, live in a society. Actually no, I take that back. I think people in a relationship do legitimately owe things to each other. Respect. Patience. If you claim to be friends with someone, you owe them honesty about the things that matter. Things can happen that abrogate that responsibility, but they generally exist.
by Anonymous1 week ago
This is maybe the best way I've heard this put.
by Jaskolskikaleb1 week ago
Super agree. I'm just gonna add, though. Please dont lie either. I got an explanation, however i found out it was a lie real quick. Lying sucks doubly so since you have to relive in your head again.
by No_Ebb_37491 week ago
"No one owes you anything" has become the online signifier of psychopaths for me. It's the most childish view of the world. What it means to be a good person it to help others out even when you don't owe it to them.
by Anonymous1 week ago
The "nobody owes you" crowd definitely lack nuance and a spine.
by Dooleytre1 week ago
no one owes you anything Anyone who says anything along these lines is like a walking red flag. Immediately tells me they have no respect for literally anyone and are incredibly self centered.
by TelephoneSpiritual1 week ago
Me too. It's also the culture. "yOu DoNt oWe AnYoNe aNyThInG". It's so damn self-centered and selfish to do this to another human being. How about just being honest with someone you supposedly care about?
by Anonymous1 week ago
I agree, but I also know of cases where the person who was broken-up with didn't deserve an explanation at all. It's not like that in most cases, I agree, but in certain ones...
by Anonymous1 week ago
They act like OP didn't say there's exceptions
by PitifulArtichoke82921 week ago
you think they read the OP?
by Anonymous1 week ago
But it's not just hygiene habits, that was one part of a list of qualms. I actually really relate to what the other person explained because that's how I feel about my roommate that's a relative. I hate living with them. They aren't a bad person, and I get that I can talk to them about what I don't like, but when that list teeters into "basically I hate the way you live life it's deeply grating to experience life in the same realm as you, it'd be a lot of fun to hangout for a couple hours once every week or two but seriously get the fck out of my house." Because the list is so deep and some of it isn't objectively *wrong. Who am I to tell someone to change their personality? But I find some things about how they live their life to be so, so grating. And that only comes up because we live together. Easy solution instead of ripping them to shreds is to just "yeah man I just like to live alone are you cool to move out in a couple months?" Problem solved and his self esteem wasn't shattered and I didn't have to deal with fighting and drama.
by Leanna811 week ago
There are immensely more tactful ways to talk about problems then what the person you're responding to said
by raynordane1 week ago
Yeah. I have an ex who was really sweet and by most standards was a good partner. We're actually still friends on social media and chat from time to time. It was much kinder and more natural to say "this just isn't working anymore" than "you're super nice but you aren't very smart and it drives me crazy In extended doses." Like, why would I go out of my way to be mean like that. I want the best for him. It just was never going to work long term.
by ojaskolski1 week ago
Seems like there could be some middle ground that would help him learn something without also destroying his confidence.
by Anonymous1 week ago
This is working under the assumption that the party is going to receive the criticism calmly and analyze it constructively. It's also working from the assumption that the explanation would be delivered in a remotely constructive or healthy way instead of a spiteful one. "You haven't been taking care of yourself and our conversations haven't been clicking on the way I had hoped.... Etc." Honestly, if that's how you felt, you're doing this person a favour by breaking things off. No judgement from me on getting with the wrong person, it takes time to get to know people and sometimes they change.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Yikes I think most guys would've preferred this over the bland answers. Most will also be defensive, but when you leave, and they cool off after a few days to a week, that nagging voice will start when they go to bed. Most people question why it happened. And if he asks his friends, they will tell him the truth Glad you got out though. And this is also hilarious, I laughed
by Anonymous1 week ago
I went on 1 date with a dude and said we didn't click and he called me several brutal names and then stalked me for a month. So...
by Yratke1 week ago
Right. Some of these responses from guys like "you should've told him, you have a problem because you didn't tell that man that you basically find significant portions of his existence repulsive he would've appreciated you telling him that" Uh… hm. 😂 ok
by Leanna811 week ago
Ah yes, the nice guy
by Anonymous1 week ago
Most people will SAY they want bluntness and honesty but they rarely can handle it. no one wants to know whats wrong with them and actually face their flaws, and sure some do and can handle it but it's impossible to know until after the fact so why take the risk telling them? just go with the bland asnwer it's the safest for everyone involved.
by ComprehensiveBand6361 week ago
Also that's assuming most guys after hearing this will be logical and not get angry/violent lol.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Frankly, I'd rather not be told my personality sucks by someone I am invested in. If I committed a fatal mistake, I'd like to know, but generally speaking, I'd rather not.
by Stefaniewalsh1 week ago
"it's not you it's me" is leagues better than nothing at all, an opinion I've been flamed for having.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Would you settle for a long message after the dust settles? When people are emotional, they don't think clearly anyways.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Lol calendar reminder to revisit the agenda next quarter
by Anonymous1 week ago
"Per my last email..."
by Anonymous1 week ago
Tell me why I'd actually do that tho lol
by Anonymous1 week ago
Ok, Lets timebox this breakup and I'll schedule a 1:1 next month, in the meantime can someone take ownership of the confluence page to document the separation progress?
by Anonymous1 week ago
I don't like you anymore. Bye
by Anonymous1 week ago
A woman wrote to me for two years....after I got married. Some people just won't take the hint.
by Anonymous1 week ago
When my ex called me every derogatory name in existence because I wasn't enthusiastic over his YouTube conspiracy theories I didn't feel like he deserved any words from me and he could figure it out himself.
by Training_Pirate21471 week ago
I can see what you mean, but you have to understand that usually there are things that lead to a breakup. Generally, it is very easy to tell why a relationship ended because the two of you have already talked through the reasons before. You talk about it, someone doesn't do anything to fix it, the person is hurt, and things are broken off. It is very easy to understand why things end. It's a good thing for someone to talk you through the reasons, but they really don't have to. You have to be pretty thick to not figure it out
by Anonymous1 week ago
I think this is a false equivalency. Like you said, holding the door for someone is a common courtesy, but it's not EXPECTED. If you've been with a person for a decent amount of time, like long enough to say you are past the "seeing each other" phase and actually claiming that person as you're significant other, you genuinely owe them an explanation if you cut it off. It provides the person a sense of closure and shows your maturity as a person. I understand maybe just letting go of someone you recently started talking to, but if things became official, and you respect that person or yourself at all, you have to do the right thing even if it's hard or uncomfortable. The person doesn't have to do something wrong for you to explain why it didn't work. If it's a timing thing, then simply say that. If it's a phase of life thing, say that. There doesn't need to be a blame, but there should be an explanation. If you can't even provide that, then that's a sign of immaturity and inconsideration. (Like OP said this doesn't apply to anyone who may be in danger or someone who cheated on you, at that point ghosting is understandable. I'm referring to breaks ups where it just didn't work out for normal reasons)
by Fun_Percentage1 week ago
Nobody breaks up if they're in a healthy relationship 😅. Unless there's a logistics issue in which case that's very obviously the issue
by Anonymous1 week ago
I was with you until the end. Some people are just better than others at communicating and while it can be worked on it's something all of us screw up at least from time to time, especially in stressful scenarios.
by Fine-Highlight1 week ago
Your analogy doesn't hold up, holding the door for a stranger is not a great comparison to giving an explanation for a breakup to your partner. Your partner isn't a stranger.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I remember that time someone didn't open the door for me and I spent the next 3 years wondering if I did something wrong. Like did I walk too quickly or not quickly enough? Was it because I was a man? Did they think I didn't belong there?
by Anonymous1 week ago
It depends on how long you've been with them. Dating a few months? No. Committed for 5 years? Yeah.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Way to trivialize relationships, lol. I guess for you they're so ephemeral that it doesn't matter. Each person a stranger.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Hard disagree. Three reasons I do not need to put myself in danger to placate someone. Sometimes, the safest thing you can do when leaving a relationship is to do it quickly and quietly. Sometimes you've told them multiple times, and they've never heard you. I'm not going to make someone insecure over something that's a me issue. If I dumped you because you have sex weird or I don't like how you walk in public or you live with your mother - that's not an inherently bad thing, and it's wrong to make someone insecure about it.
by Dry_Custard1 week ago
Yep. Your number two. I've been that person not getting it. Sometimes you just need to take a breath and look back. I believe that's the primary problem.
by IcyCourt1 week ago
it's almost like op said there are exceptions. oh wait... also there's more than one way to skin a cat. if your reason for leaving someone is one that might unnecessarily hurt their feelings, you can generalize or say it in a nicer way. you guys are missing op's point that simply ghosting them and never giving any sort of explanation, barring safety/extenuating circumstances, is an awful thing to do.
by Ok_Tutor_40641 week ago
An honest explanation would have saved me years of emotional and mental torment. Couldn't agree more.
by mondricka1 week ago
It's a power play because things will stay in your head longer if they are unresolved. The right thing to do is to be honest with people but not everyone is going to have that character.
by chaim951 week ago
Exactly. They want to keep the upper hand and make sure you stay weak. The more you want to know the more they can torment you. Once this happens there is no going back.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Nah because they try to then convince you they can change that aspect about them trying to convince you to stay. Better to just rip off the bandaid and leave.
by percycarroll1 week ago
When she left, frankly I didn't want to know or care.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I broke up with someone who asked several times why, and I said the same reason each time.
by derick791 week ago
My only issue with this is, that you should not break with someone who does not even know the reasons. You know... its called working out the problems... if there is issue, you should discuss it and try to fix it first. When not common ground is found, then you can break. If you break without this, you are simply imature anyway. For grown up people there should be no need for explaining the break up, because the reasons should be obvious by talking about them many times already.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Well, you can certainly ask, but your ex is under no requirement to share anything with you. Or even talk to you. …and feedback if they were doing something wrong may help them in the future. NOPE. It is no one's job to help you fix you after a breakup. If you didn't hear them during the relationship, you are not going to be more receptive to feedback now. Yes, ghosting sucks. That part is true.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Absolutely. And they 100% have to accept it.
by Few-Rip-2811 week ago
Unpopular opinion: Feeling like you're owed an explanation for breaking up is because you want some sense of hope that you can change their mind based on whatever reason they gave.
by Direct_Fun1 week ago
No. No I'm not going to explain for the THOUSANDTH time why I'm upset in the relationship. No I'm not going to baby you again because you chose to ignore what I've said a thousand times. And that ALWAYS seems to be the case. One partner literally said over and over WHY they are unhappy. They get ignored, and then they leave. And suddenly the other partner is all, gosh what happened? No, you were told why, you just didn't listen.
by NetParking4561 week ago
That's fine then. OP says to communicate which you have
by Kennedyhayes1 week ago
Learning the truth is far more devastating than hearing kind lies. you don't really want to know why, you just want some misguided sense of closure
by Trudieharvey1 week ago
I don't think you 100% owe them an explanation, but it's certainly a difficult and good conversation to have. But I will add that a dating style of never really saying you're in a relationship, never labeling it, always keeping people at arm's length seems really popular. I've been in several "relationships" like that, where they never wanted the responsibility of being in a relationship, only the benefits. And I never gave them an explanation. Because we weren't in a relationship, right? They chose that. So I didn't break up with them. If you want a full blown breakup you have to be in a full blown relationship.
by Amazing-Basil1 week ago
God I hope this isn't unpopular- I think it like the bare minimum to not being a complete POS
by mkuhn1 week ago
What's there to explain? It's really just two options: 1. It's not working for whatever reason 2. You suck for whatever reason Either way, if you couldn't tell the break up was coming and that you couldn't pick up your partner having issues with the relationship....chances are it was 2. If a break up is ever a surprise it's highlighting that you weren't really invested in how your partner felt.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I don't think anyone owes anyone an explanation for breaking up. I think giving an explanation is the kind and considerate thing to do… but it's not required. Nobody is entitled to a relationship. If Person A doesn't want to be with Person B anymore, all she has to say is, "I no longer want to be in this relationship," and that's it. Again, I think it's kind and considerate to give an explanation and not doing so is kind of a jerk move. But at the end of the day nobody is entitled to anyone else's love and anyone can leave a relationship for any reason, or no reason at all.
by Anonymous1 week ago
your feeling like you're owed an explanation has no sway over anyone's right to be silent. If you would of used "should" instead of "owed" i would agree.
by Equal_Childhood1 week ago
Was about to say the same thing. Should someone tell you? 100%, absolutely. Especially if they ever actually cared about you. That being said... they don't owe you.
by Anonymous1 week ago
just nope
by Kemmerjaeden1 week ago
It's not you - it's me -
by Diligent_Theory1 week ago
I broke up with a girl in college and I still feel bad to this day. I only dated her for a month, and she was my first girlfriend, but I discovered I hated constantly going on dates and having to be active and sociable. It was hard to break up with her because I had no idea how to put it into words and it was really sudden. There was nothing wrong with her but I couldn't say "It's not you it's me". She was really upset and we met up a week later and I tried to explain it better so I think she understood eventually. Four years later I'm still single because I don't want to do that to another person
by Anonymous1 week ago
The real voidpill is that they don't tell us what's wrong with us because they know we can't change it.
by Anonymous1 week ago
if you care to say why, it's because you still expect them to do something about it to fix the relationship. I said while I cared to keep on and work together to save ou connection. I was not going to say again and hear the same old promises I heard so many times before. It invites fights,crying, and empty hopes.
by Anonymous1 week ago
It's just like an exist interview: Some prefers to be honest and explain, some doesn't feel like going through that. There is no right or wrong here, only situations and preferences.
by TraditionOk1 week ago
Some people were told but deny it - see the 'missing, missing reasons'.
by Bennybrown1 week ago
I kinda agree but being ghosted so many times I feel I don't need a reason to leave. Plus sometimes women will do anything to keep you even if you tell them the truth. I've broken up with someone who I just find unattractive, uninteresting, and I just dislike her as a person. I've told her ona few occasions but she doesn't deal with problems well and I'm considering ghosting her and disappearing. I have it a chance but she just hasn't evolved as a person
by Heavy_Sorbet1 week ago
No, you don't.
by nathanielhills1 week ago
Nope.
by Anonymous1 week ago
They know why
by Anonymous1 week ago
This is very circumstantial. Honestly some people don't deserve an explanation ; like an abuser.
by Comfortable-Yak1 week ago
There is quite a difference considering time. But yes, if you have been serious for more than a couple of weeks you definitely owe them an explanation (and when talking about YEARS you are just a trash human being not telling them why Carla)
by Anonymous1 week ago
If you are truly blindsided by a break-up, you were likely told why so many times, and that is why you are now breaking up.
by Aniya211 week ago
Nope, they don't owe you anything, unfortunately for your entitlement haha.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Nope, no one owes you an explanation for why they don't want to be in your life anymore. It may hurt, but you aren't entitled to anything from them
by Weekly-Property1 week ago
someone just got broken up with
by Positive-Drama1 week ago
You seem to forget "No." Is a complete answer No one owes you anything Get over your breakup.
by Schmittselina1 week ago
i disagree. if someone broke up with me, i would hope and like for them to tell me why. but I don't feel that they owe me an explanation. wanting one is not the same as being owed one.
by Anonymous1 week ago
In a perfect world yes but do you really think people should be pressured to stay with someone if they don't want to just because they can't articulate why they want to leave? Would you prefer they make something up?
by Anonymous1 week ago
Why wouldn't you be able to articulate your reasons? They're your reasons.
by juvenal381 week ago
If they are my reasons they don't need to be understandable. If they don't have to be understandable why do I need to give them at all?
by Anonymous1 week ago
Lmao seriously. "I want to break up with you but I don't know why."
by reillysim1 week ago
If he didn't hear me while we were dating what makes you think he's going to hear me after we break up?
by Glittering_Bug_70621 week ago
It would seem you are attracted to people who are not a serious
by ansley261 week ago
I agree but, regardless, don't ruminate on it thinking you ARE owed one, "why, why, why". You can create your own closure by accepting that the person didn't want to be with you anymore, and that is a gift, because you are deserving of someone who does and the break up creates the opportunity.
by Dixie091 week ago
No one is owed anything, especially after a relationship. Too often people put expectations and commandments on a relationship, when in truth, it is a simple social contract of trust, love, and honesty. Sometimes people struggle upholding these ideals. Whether leaving because you cheated or were cheated on, or someone was tired of doing the dishes, cleaning out the car, worrying about insurance stuff.... it doesn't matter. If someone leaves, yeah, closure is nice, but not necessary. Just curse at them when you think of them or do therapy and continue.
by ManufacturerReady9321 week ago
sometimes they dont even understand or accept the explanation my ex treated me like i was his mother, it was awful. told him months before i left him exactly that, he spiraled and everything was worse. felt more like his mother. broke up with him for exactly that reason, was very clear i couldn't handle his mental health issues and they drained me. our relationship was exhausting and horrible, probably honestly the worst relationship i was ever in. to this day he tells mutual friends that i left without a real explanation
by Anonymous1 week ago
Depends how long the relationship was. Under a couple of weeks all you get is "I am no longer interested." After a few months you get "I am no longer interested" maybe after a year I might give more.
by Anonymous1 week ago
No offense op but if 3 different people have done this to you I don't think they are the problem.
by Ikerluke1 week ago
Is "God spoke to me in a dream and told me we need to walk different paths" over the phone as she pulled her pants back on after roll on the hay with a mutual friend a good enough reason? No - a lot of times you don't need a reason. You were just incompatible for one reason or another and you need to walk away. Forcing someone to give you a reason why just opens the door for you to "fix your issues" and then found them like a love sick idiot/stalker.
by Anonymous1 week ago
No
by Anonymous1 week ago
Yes. But does it count when you've explained your feelings to them and asked for them to change their behavior so many times before and they didn't listen to you then?
by Anonymous1 week ago
Well you can tell it to them one last time.
by Fine-Highlight1 week ago
Sorry dude. No one owes you anything in life. Ex girlfriends included
by Anonymous1 week ago
Here's the problem. If you genuinely believe this, then you invested too much into a person and relationship and got humiliated or burned. Look at the responses here and you will see that this is what people will truly think of you once they are done with you. Make sure you keep that in mind in your next relationship and don't give your heart to anyone. It's not worth it. It doesn't really matter what the reasons are because you can either guess what they would be or it could be their own personal issue. Either way trying to figure it out is overrated and a waste of time. Most of the time we think we want the truth but that would make things worse.
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