Trying to start a conversation with "how are you" to a stranger is counterintuitive, amirite?

From now on I'll say "Hi! Whats your opinion on DIY abortion with a coat rack?" Definitely a better icebreaker imo

by xwilderman 1 week ago

"Well, funny you should ask, because actually..." And that's how nightmares are born.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Or worse still "actually a knitting needle or a chopstick can do wonders.."

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"I prefer the stairs method personally"

by ecremin 1 week ago

And that's called plausible deniability

by ecremin 1 week ago

"because actually..." (takes out phone to show pictures)

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Or AREN'T born

by Hopeful-Pin 1 week ago

Or Romance :)

by Anonymous 1 week ago

More like how nightmares aren't born. 😂

by Lednerludie 1 week ago

Some would say that's how nightmares are prevented!

by Sensitive-Yam-510 1 week ago

Works every time.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Is this a typo or a cultural translation issue? Coat HANGER would be the bit of wire associated with aforesaid act. Coat RACK is like, the whole damn wooden bar or stand you put all the coats on?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

To be completely honest, I used google translate cuz I forgot what it was in English fsr😭

by xwilderman 1 week ago

See, that's when you get to say the "well, actually" bit and boom! conversation

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Oh yeah! Mission accomplished OP!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You can't knock it if you've never tried it!

by Smart-Ad 1 week ago

"Great, I'm giving myself one now."

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Wtf binding of isaac reference?!?!?!

by reillymarian 1 week ago

It's not meant to fish for information, it's meant to be an icebreaker to start a conversation. You can usually tell if a person is willing to talk based on how they respond to the "Hello, how are you?" question entirely on the tone of voice they use. The purpose of an Icebreaker is to get your foot in the door, not get closer to the person.

by hudsonmac 1 week ago

It is a conversation opener. You usually say "hello, how are you doing?" It is not to gain information about a total stranger - it's more of an ice breaker.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

that's the point op is making it's a terrible ice breaker

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

Exactly, this isn't an issue of the question being a bad icebreaker it an issue of the people you are using it on being dry asf, I also assume op is dry asf since they think everyone just says "I'm Good" to that question

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I don't know where OP is from, but if you ask 90% of Brits "How are you?" even to take it as far as "How are you feeling?" the answers you receive are either A. "Not too bad." (This guy is literally about to die from a severe hemorrhage) B. "Not too bad, you?" (This person's mum is in hospital with a severe brain injury) C. "Well actually, my sister's cousin is dying of leukemia & her cat is stuck in the neighbour's tree & he's threatening to kill it if we don't sort it out" (Person is fabricating part of it, for sure) But A. or A1 "Alright" the classic variation, is what you'll get most of the time, it is culturally acceptable & the norm. Lots of people think this is bad, but I for one love it.

by Bolson 1 week ago

I think it may be kinda the norm, but mainly when making small talk in person, if I'm asking someone how they are doing I want to know how they are actually feeling I ask because I am genuinely concerned with their well-being not just to make small talk

by Anonymous 1 week ago

which is fine with acquaintances, but with strangers online, it's a total nonstarter.

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

I disagree, but go off.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

and, speaking of pointless words.. i mean obviously lol.

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

So what is your conversation starter for when you meet some stranger somewhere?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"hi i'm josy what's your name?" i don't think asking how they are is typical

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

So they say their name and then what? Hi Josey I am Charles. Crickets. You asked a close ended question, at "how are you today" gives an option to have a more in depth conversation - it is an open ended question.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

there are lots of open ended questions you could ask, and i think that's one is boring and usually ends in "good how are you?" i just usually skip that part lol the conversation doesn't just end. do you have such a bland imagination?

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

people who are uninterested are still going to make it a bland conversation, just like "how's it going?"

by Moist-Government 1 week ago

Boring icebreaker tbh you already know my name online

by EmptyKaleidoscope 1 week ago

well yeah online you can be more direct sure. but i'm still not usually asking randos about their day lol

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

Nah you just lazy and condescending, I've met people who think like you online many times and they're generally not great conversationalists, expect you to carry the chat basically, never asking someone how they are is just lame imo....

by Anonymous 1 week ago

jfc can't even have a different opinion without having my whole identity attacked? what crawled up your ass? now i have no social skills because i don't ask strangers how they are? lol

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

i'm not even trying to be rude or edgy. this discourse has me second guessing if i'm just totally aloof in my interactions 🥲

by Glad_Finger 1 week ago

Only if you're incapable of not taking everything literally.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Except OP is complaining that "good" is the only acceptable answer. You can answer pretty much anything, so long as it's short and self-contained. "Great", "not so good", "had a weird day", "alright I guess", "pretty bad honestly" and more are all fine answers.

by Stephon15 1 week ago

Well he's wrong about that. Icebreakers need to be non offensive, uncomplicated conversation starters causing the person to focus their attention on you. The rest is up to the conversation starter. Sometimes even "how are you" is a decent test. A crazy or socially inept person will actually answer how they're feeling in verbose detail. An easy way to know to avoid someone. It's boring but it has inherent value.

by EmptyKaleidoscope 1 week ago

conversation closer for me.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

you're welcome

by Anonymous 1 week ago

What a liar you are. You said it is a conversation closer for you but look at you keeping the conversation going!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

well you added stuff after it

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If the other person responds with just "good" then I feel like it's more on them than the asker. There are so many times where I've simply asked "how are you" and got something along the lines of "great! Rested well and am ready to take on the day!" And then the convo just continues to progress. If they simply say "good" then that tells me the person isn't really interested in engaging regardless, and other ice breakers likely wouldn't have yielded much better results anyways. It's not just on the asker to put forth effort.

by Kkulas 1 week ago

just ask this question to a hungarian. the answer will be: "oh, don't ask! imagine..." and here comes an endless list of negative/problematic things!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I dont say "Im good." I have always replied "Peachy keen jelly bean, and you?". Generally this starts a conversation because people want to discuss where this came from or why I say it or how long Ive said it etc lol

by Devancummerata 1 week ago

I absolutely love this. Has big "Y'all Going To Chillis?" energy.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Chillis baby back ribs is now stuck in my head... Anecdotally I have never been to Chillis.

by Devancummerata 1 week ago

Or you're sending up a flag that you're a little too weird so they know to turn away

by EmptyKaleidoscope 1 week ago

OP discovers not being American. Perhaps OP should move to Germany or something where you expect an actual answer in response to "how are you" instead of a pleasantry. Or perhaps OP will go full Gandalf "What do you mean, Good Morning?"

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"Living the dream" in a very monotone way

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Lol you sound like you don't talk to people in real life 🤣 Asking "How are you?" is a great way to gauge their openness for a conversation. If they respond "good how are you?" You can go more open-ended. If they just respond with "good" and shift their attention right back to what they were doing, leave them alone. This isn't counterintuitive.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is some groundbreaking stuff.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I like people who start conversations with random light observations and a question Other people also seem to so long as the question is light enough It always puts me off when someone I know nothing about starts off with a question about me, but when they offer something about themselves first, its disarming

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I agree it makes no sense and most of the time people just say that an walk off

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Usually try to give an honest answer and one or two reasons for it.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Not every conversation is about forming a bond. I'd argue a lot of daily communication isn't. If you're trying to form a bond, then yes, simply asking how someone is won't take you very far. I'd assume that was obvious and not an unpopular opinion.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I use that question as an opener. To see what their reaction is. Then lead or not lead into a conversation.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I usually ask "how is your day going?" And then way they can say something relevant back

by Anonymous 1 week ago

" how are you?" -> " I am good, [insert event that recently happened that is interesting enough to talk about].

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It's like in Star Trek when the Vulcans say live long and prosper. It's a cultural greeting It's a more polite hello. This is an unpopular opinion because it's based on a false understanding.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

(Not being mean) do you have autism by any chance? The reason is to get an idea of how another person is feeling for example in a judges society if a person is feeling bad they will say they are and you can gage based off that but IRL the person will probably say good regardless and it's up to you to interpret through tonality. TLDR: it's a way to gage the interaction before hand

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I haven't been diagnosed but my friends and family have their suspicions. I feel whenever that question is the first thing that's asked of me, I feel that "I'm good" is the only answer that's natural, but then the conversation seems to end without follow up. I believe it would be much more effective to start a conversation with any other questions that don't have already expected answers, so that conversation can flow easier.

by Traditional-Rock 1 week ago

This is how people who have no charm talk… "how about the weather"

by rosina86 1 week ago

I always just say hello and skip the how's it going part if I don't care but people ALWAYS say, hi, how's it going in return. I will say I'm good/fine or some such but usually don't ask in return because it is dumb as you said. My friends have called me out on this on occasion, but it is so shallow, I really don't see the point.

by Adventurous_Kale5163 1 week ago

I think it's more so to show them that you're interested in how they feel and just their well being in general even if it is the same answer

by chayacrona 1 week ago

I think you're using that word wrong. Folding blankets is hypersensitive. ya know?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Well since I'm at uni, the type of people I meet are students where I can ask what degree they're studying, why they wanted that degree, and why they came to this university. If it was someone out with uni that I met, I'd ask them stuff about their job and what motivates them.

by Traditional-Rock 1 week ago

Okay, sound if you're in uni.... But if you go around asking people what their degree is that's a far more annoying question (to me...as a human person in working and living society as opposed to a student)

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Don't know how to hold a conversation, or don't want to converse?

by Own-Organization 1 week ago

Well, that is whole the purpose of just saying "how are you" - It is so you can avoid having a conversation with that person, and continue your day.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If they want to talk, they answer something like, "I'm fine, how are you?". If they don't want to talk, you get the "I'm good," and that's ok. Not everyone is looking to form a bond to someone they're speaking to... I feel like OPs expectation of wanting to form a bond is counterintuitive and a little weird LOL

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Why? Maybe they like the person they are talking to?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Better to ask what their opinion of the Battle of Gettysburg is.

by dpurdy 1 week ago

I dont mind "How are you?" but after saying "Im good" come with actual conversation opener. Dont expect me to carry the conversation you started.

by Valerielockman 1 week ago

Well, this is based off what the person responds with really. "I'm good, and how are you?" for example is a response to that question. Or "I'm feeling great, just booked a holiday" or similar to this. It's just an icebreaker. If you respond with just "I'm good" .. it is going to kill the conversation.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You mean counterproductive

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You have to knock on a door before you come in, asking how are you is a great way to gage if the person is open to talking, if they are crazy, if they are mentally stable, it's a way to learn how to proceed. You're then supposed to ask follow up questions or mention something else

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"How are you?" is an excellent starter. Its a great way to gauge a strangers interest in even having a conversation. You can observe their verbal response, body language, tone of voice, facial expression, etc. It give you tons of information on how to proceed with the conversation. If you're just referring to text conversation, the "I'm good" response is more a fault of the responser not putting in effort to converse. Generally the awkward feeling a person gets on a conversation is a lack of self confidence.

by Ashlynnhagenes 1 week ago

If someone responds with a short answer "I'm good" without giving people anything else to work with, that person just may not be a good conversationalist or is not interested

by lharvey 1 week ago

Even you would reply that to a stranger op. But now you're more inclined to answer something else. And voila, the two strangers are now talking, objective complete

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is a very english language specific problem I feel. Not sure about many other languages but in Hungary if you ask someone you generally get a longer answer describing whats happening with them.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I tend not to answer such questions because I do not wish to lie and say "I'm good". I want to say my exact feelings. I have this compulsion where I can not tell a lie. Unless my life or something was in danger. So I tend to ignore those questions I don't want to answer truthfully.

by Mckenna57 1 week ago

It's just something extra to tack onto rather than saying "hi" and nothing else. I don't consider it an ice breaker unless it's someone I actually know. In which case, I DO want to know how they are and I want them to feel free to choose the direction they want to go. Maybe I know my friend's sister is in an awful relationship but perhaps he doesn't want to talk about it in public because it's upsetting, so rather than ask directly, I can ask how he is, mean it, and let him choose how he wants to take it.

by Electronic_Mix_945 1 week ago

I mean, it gives you a base level of conversation to start with. Has this person had a good day or a bad day? It's also polite, especially talking to hospitality workers who don't get seen as human beings very often. If a stranger starts launching into heavy questions instead of first asking how I am I'm definitely less likely to want to continue a conversation with them...

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It helps gauge the mood from the start of the conversation instead of having to identify it yourself. If they say "omg it's going super great!" or "it could be a LOT better" then you have a good way of knowing: a) whether it's worth conversing further b) with what tone you should move the conversation forward with

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The entire Hispanic population is offended.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Bruh conversation isn't just black and white there has to be fluidity to it, like I wouldn't just say I'm good and leave it at that. If I saw someone was trying to talk to me and have genuine convo I'd reciprocate energy

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It's called small talk for a reason. The intention is not necessarily to say anything meaningful.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

this is like not saying goodbye because youre an atheist

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Haha that's brilliant

by Anonymous 1 week ago

And then they think you're the boring one because you replied ‘good'. First of all, I'm not going to open up about the details of my day to a random person. I need to feel more comfortable with you to let it out. Second, you've got a lot of nerve asking me boring questions then expecting me to put in the effort to make the conversation interesting. Want interesting replies? Ask better questions.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It's not supposed to be a monologue. The classic formulation is, "How do you do?" "Fine! How are you?" ...although that's what they teach children, and you can feel free to play with it. If the response is just "Good", someone isn't interested in conversation.

by Imaginary-Acadia8277 1 week ago

It's an icebreaker. Otherwise the conversation goes hello I want x

by Anonymous 1 week ago

hit em with the "hi, what's goin on?"

by Terrible-Diamond 1 week ago

While I mostly answer this greeting genuinely for conversation, I also answer it genuinely out of spite. I too don't understand why this has turned into "good and you?" exchanges.

by Zkreiger 1 week ago

there's a certain ritual to conversation that can seem like pointless smalltalk but I think it's an important part as it starts a back and forth without any real effort, giving one the time to asses the situation, walm up to it and tune in to the accent and speech patterns on the other person. it's essentially a human version of computers doing a handshake before exchanging actual data

by Strong_Preference_17 1 week ago

a set answer other than "I'm good". The question "how are you?" Does not have a set answer. You're supposed to engage in conversation when someone asks you this question, and talk about how your life is going at the moment. If you're too incompetent to realise that, you probably shouldn't be going out and socialising at all.

by SprinklesUnlikely 1 week ago

As someone who talks to people on the phone at work a lot, I usually ask "how are you today?". I do this for a couple of reasons one of them being it seems polite. It's pretty much the only small talk I give before getting to the point. The second reason, on the rare chance someone is honest or their tone is off, it lets me know how to gauge the rest of the conversation.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

These things provide an opportunity to your interlocutor to politely decline fiether talk. If they want to talk they can always give an elaborate answer. If people have been saying good and just leaving the conversation, it's cause they don't want to talk to you

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This seems to me like it depends on culture, but yes, if you're from a culture where this is the case, the question in itself seems ineffective. But for as far as I understand, the point is for the other to expand on their life and what's going on, if they're into having a conversation. It's a neutral opener, not a real, direct question.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I mean the answer is "I'm good" if you don't actually want to answer the question. Next time someone asks me I'm going into full detail about the recent goings on in my life. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to!

by Due_List 1 week ago

100% agree, dumbest form of short communication, even with people you sort of know

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"How are you?" is just a greeting. It's the same as starting a conversation with "hello," or "what's up?" or "how's it hanging?" or any of the other colloquial greetings. After you greet someone you can start asking questions or getting to know them.

by Annual_Anxiety6759 1 week ago

That's why you always start with "Who are you?"

by Herzogalysa 1 week ago

I totally agree with this. It just sounds like a very intrusive question when we haven't even talked before. I would instead like to know what made you want to approach me or if there is anything else interesting. Straight up asking how I am is weird to me. Introduce urself, ask my name, anything but how I am and where I live and what I'm doing

by Ok_Lingonberry_5156 1 week ago

I think that's the point.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The best answer to "how are you?" If you don't want to talk is "why do you ask? Are you a doctor?"

by Anonymous 1 week ago

How's it going is better

by Significant-Bar 1 week ago

It's usually used as an ice breaker so you can gauge how interested in talking to you the other person is.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Instead of how are you, ask who are you?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I love when they say it at the doctor's office. It feels like a test. 😂

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"how are you" "well, I'm in the ER you tell me."

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It's called being polite. Honestly I don't want anyone coming up to me talking without saying what's good beforehand, especially if I don't know you. Why say thank you after someone gives you something? Does it truly matter after they've already given it to you? No...it doesn't, but it's nice to say thank you just like it's nice to ask someone how they doing. Living in a world where you see people commit suicide only to write notes about how no one ever asked them how they are is a reason enough to just do it even if you get the basic response 99.9% of the times. That 0.01% can change someone's day whether on a large or small scale.

by Rennerlelah 1 week ago