+34 BDSM is a superfluous and annoying high-maintenance lifestyle to be around. amirite?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

What about his friend, Fred Latex?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Amen

by Ambitious-Side-9508 2 weeks ago

Yeah outlier are like that. Not the majority. My husband and I have a dungeon in our basement, no one in our friend circle know about it. Most people into bdsm aren't talking about it much. You just got too see the few annoying one There's people like that in spheres other than bdsm btw, it's related to their personality, not their hobby per se.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Voyeur here: how does one go about creating a dungeon? Were you accumulating so much stuff that it made sense to put it in a larger space, or was it a goal when you first shacked up? I don't know why, but very intrigued about the boring logistics of having a dungeon.

by Wbarton 2 weeks ago

We were buying lot of bdsm sex toys and gears and we kind of ran out of space to store them. Our 2 night stands were full, and 2 large drawer previously used for clothes were full too. So we turned a spare room we had into a dungeon. If we don't count the price of the toys, the room per se, wasn't really expensive to set up. Dark paint, gym mat cushion floor, some hardware to make anchor point on the ceiling and walls, fews hook, shelves, lamp, a metal bedframe. All that was under 1K It's nice to have a different room to play vs to sleep. If we are too tired to clean up we can leave the mess there and clean it up the next day. Also having all the toys and gears exposed make it easier to access them and not forget about them. When they were all clumped in drawers it was hard to find them / think about what we had. It's been many years that we built it, zero regrets so far!

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Basically like the Dwight of the BDSM version of the Office?

by MouseHaunting 2 weeks ago

That's like having a foot fetish and demanding all the girls to walk around in flip flops. How weird.

by EnvironmentalSun3315 2 weeks ago

Only the attractive ones but still, you could never make them. You'd want them to want to wear flip flops. Don't be silly

by Liawintheiser 2 weeks ago

Well yeah I have a foot fetish so I wouldn't mind that but I wouldn't try to force it on anyone.

by EnvironmentalSun3315 2 weeks ago

Doesn't surprise me at all. Bdsm people love to try to bring non consensual parties into the "lifestyle."

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

God damn OP, you really brought all the BDSM'ers out in full force with this one.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Maybe OP just needs some good cock to relax?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

The type of people you're talking about are the same as those types in any area of interest. They're just fanatics. They can be into weed, sports, music, or whatever to a point where it puts you off of them. It typically is because there is something wrong with them. It's like when you meet someone who smokes weed versus a person whose whole life seems to revolve around weed. There are plenty of people who are into BDSM that just don't feel like it's a big enough deal to have to bring it up as all there is to their personality.

by Gibsonfletcher 2 weeks ago

They do exist apparently. They live that roleplay to the point it makes you wonder if it's still roleplay.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

it's not, it's just their life atp

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This sounded very English.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

a large majority of furries aren't sexual though, i feel like that's the main difference if you want to compare them

by Edwin25 2 weeks ago

It's only high investment, not exactly "maintenance." Unless you see foreplay and the actual exercise as maintenance?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Exactly. If it's not for you that's fine but one thing I like about bdsm community is judging others is discouraged If it's not for you move on

by Kindly-Usual 2 weeks ago

I'm not sure if anyone does it 24/7. A friend of mine does BDSM parties, and most wouldn't suspect just from meeting them. While I haven't done the leash in public as a dominant partner, I'm not against it. Parties like that are somewhat meant to get that "public" feel without having to explain to everyone. It's a hobby like most others. Plan around it and go about a very normal life otherwise.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

To me it's fine at a kink or bdsm party, but not out in the 'vanilla world'. At a specific party, yeah you consent to seeing others live their kinks if you choose to go there. At the supermarket others will not have consented. And 99% of the kinksters I know would also not be okay with others not having consented

by Addieprosacco 2 weeks ago

Yeah lol and you just know they have something shoved up their ass

by Michel84 2 weeks ago

Simulating "public" at parties and private clubs is totlly fine. Using unsuspecting and unconsenting people, possibly children, for your pleasure is not okay though. Explanation or not. Hard to say where the limit should be. Is wearing no underwear or still having cum in you while on the bus home okay? Shagging in the park after dark? Being walked like a dog clad in latex at the love parade?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Wait, I could lease a boyfriend? How expensive is that?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

All you need is some rope lying around, if know knots it's 0 investment

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Lol true. I was speaking more in terms of a full lifestyle... but I would hope you're not using just ANY rope xD

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

How would you know? Most people you see heavily into BDSM look exactly the same as everyone who isn't.

by blockisom 2 weeks ago

I get the impression OP has seen one or two people who are into BDSM and obviously had some issues. And came to the conclusion every single person who is into kinkier stuff must be exactly like those people.

by Opening-Dig-1306 2 weeks ago

OP saw someone in public wearing a choker and lost it

by Tina29 2 weeks ago

This made me giggle so much

by Lopsided_Professor16 2 weeks ago

Narrator: And the person wearing the choker wasn't even kinky... just goth.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It also requires a ton of trust in another person, something that more often then not requires a lot of time to build and develop. I mean how many people does the average person trust to let choke, smack, and bind them?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

The flip side is it can also become your safe space (for those whose dynamic extends beyond just in the bedroom).

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

it feels like people think the ones who non-consensually show off their lifestyle in public are all the people who are into BDSM. you're absolutely right that most people look completely normal.

by Aromatic_Extent_5197 2 weeks ago

Right? Everyone I know in our local groups here are all just regular-ass people in the day-to-day.

by Accomplished-Map 2 weeks ago

Maybe on the outside, but definitely not on the inside

by mcdermottcletus 2 weeks ago

I'm pretty sure my organs look like those of my vanilla friends.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It is superfluous and presumably a lot of work, but then again, who cares about that? If people enjoy it, then let them go to all the trouble if they want to.

by Own_Market3993 2 weeks ago

Who's your worm guy?

by Firm-Sundae 2 weeks ago

i hope he's not paying too much..

by Aromatic_Extent_5197 2 weeks ago

I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I'm wise and I've got worms.

by Firm-Sundae 2 weeks ago

Honestly I feel like it's a confirmation bias thing here. Ie the examples that you're seeing are the people who don't shut up about it, while the majority of people are more low key

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It really isn't high maintenance. It's just a fun thing we do in the basement once a week, has no real affect on our day to day life.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Do you have to be around it? If it annoys you maybe remove yourself from it.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

No, but you see... OP has to keep eating at the same restaurant he hates.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

That's not a fact. You are wrong.

by Lindnels 2 weeks ago

OP's opinion seems unpopular but what is confirmed is OP is a condescending asshole

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

"I tried to dom 'for science' and didnt like it because I had to care about someone elses problems and needs waaaah" yeah lmao gee I wonder why the domming didnt work out

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

The saddest part is that OP's "problem" of having to care about his partner(s)... should be true even in a vanilla relationship.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I think there's a pretty well-understood provenance on BDSM and I don't think it's a social-skill-avoidance pedigree. I think it comes from certain aspects of childhood that get a little bit tangled ( ? pun intended ? ) and I imagine that some of those people would strike a person as *also* being a bit light on the social cachet. But correlation doesn't imply causation.

by PsychologicalKey1356 2 weeks ago

lol? My fiancée likes having a riding crop used on her ~ I like to think we're pretty "developed" as adults and have good social skills.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Don't kink shame me. Let me enjoy my cock and ball torture.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Tell me you know nothing about BDSM without telling me.

by Madisenbaumbach 2 weeks ago

How would you know? Most kinky people don't advertise it. See that totally standard guy over there? He's an artist with a flogger. See that lady sitting next to you? She's an artist with a strap on. It's not superfluous and high investment for most people, unless you consider 30$ every couple of months to be a massive investment. You can build your forever kit for 200-300$, some people spend more than that in 3 dates.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

if it involves minors or people who dont consent then yes thats abusive and people who do that are heavily debated in the community on whether it checks off SSC. there are ways to engage in that stuff without ACTUALLY involving or implicating others but yeah actual abuse isnt a kink and there are sneaks because abusers co opt heathy things but thats not the extent of BDSM

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Eh honestly, I definitely dislike it as well, but let people do what they wanna do. Not your life, and if you don't like it then don't interact :)

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Nah buddy, most of us are neurodivergents looking for that extra hit (pun definitely intended) of dopamine

by riverbergnaum 2 weeks ago

Yoooooo mood.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Fun fact: not all people who practice BDSM do so with a sexual component

by Jaleeldamore 2 weeks ago

Why can't people just say that something wasn't for them and move on. Why does a thing have to be bad or immoral if you didn't vibe with it. You're judging people for being into something that you aren't into.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Lol what a weird take. My husband and I have a dungeon in our basement, no one in our friend circle know about it. Most people into bdsm aren't talking about it much. You just got too see the few annoying one (There's people like that in spheres other than bdsm btw, it's related to their personality, not their hobby per se)

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

My husband and I have a dungeon in our basement Big jealous.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

If we don't count the price of the toys, the room per se, wasn't really expensive to set up. Dark paint, gym mat cushion floor, some hardware to make anchor point on the ceiling and walls, fews hook, shelves, lamp, a metal bedframe. All that was under 1K

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This isn't an unpopular opinion, because you're all inexperienced 20-somethings who have zero concept of what healthy sexual communication looks like, so you do it poorly and then paint the whole scene with the same brush.

by tschiller 2 weeks ago

In my experience a lot of people who are into these lifestyles also have a lot of drama/ problems in their lives since there's a lot of looseness, lack of boundaries, and they open themselves up to conflict and try to justify it by saying it's "just sex" and ignoring the consequences of their lifestyle. Hey, I'm all for openness and I don't judge anyone who partakes, I'm just a believer in causality is all.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yes I understand this since I've born witness to these things a few times at kinky clubs myself. And what I've witnessed is that despite the people who have strict rules by how they play, and don't go further then the established expectations they've communicated, and yes their encounters rarely lead to actual sex. Good for them! They communicated, and stuck to their guns! They still did things that you can't tell me isn't sexual. Why the need to get almost bare butt naked, and the ropes? Spanking? People go to these things because they want to either feel like they are dominating or to be dominated, like someone is handling them, you mean to tell me there isn't a sexual aspect to that? Why does dominating have to be like that I mean every other way to dominate is to defeat someone at a sport or a fight or a battle of wits or whatever, or to literally conquer, but no one is getting half naked and being spanked in those scenarios. I'm sorry but, I tried buying it for a while but I just don't.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

"theres a lot of looseness and lack of boundaries" lmao???? also BDSM doesnt remotely have to be sexual

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yes

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

You lack knowledge and understanding of this to form an opinion and it shows.

by edmond38 2 weeks ago

And you've just shown you don't really understand it.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's fun to play with on occasions, but I absolutely would not want to internalize it into my broader personality.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I don't mind it to be fair bit the whole "lifestyle" thing & trying to make it some sort of spiritual thing is bloody annoying..also see polyamoury on that too.

by mfisher 2 weeks ago

I definitely hear you op. I am not a person is sexual by an means and not interested that that stuff. Other hand if it's not hurting anyone then I guess. Then I don't care

by Hreinger 2 weeks ago

it's only annoying when they bring the public into it lmao. some things should just stay behind closed doors imo.

by Josephtromp 2 weeks ago

It's really not though. I am pretty good socially, BDSM is just something that spices up the bedroom for me and mine. We still do vanilla sex, BSDM just makes things more fun. Outside the bedroom, we're two normal people.

by Nice-Bat 2 weeks ago

Oh there are people that do it 24/7 some do it loudly and proudly some do it discreetly. Never forget the time i met a male brat. That was interesting... LOL just remember saying wtf is wrong with this dude... then i saw her and how they interacted and i was AHH OK i get it now.

by Cute_War 2 weeks ago

You'd be shock at how common this kinda play is. You listed examples of people who are borderline psychotic with it and understandably so as those are the people you KNOW are into it. But as i said near everyone I've ever met and had gotten close enough has at least a curiosity about handcuffs, spanking, degrading/praising etc….

by bartondemetrius 2 weeks ago

OP is right, at least for a large number of them. Sorry. Nobody really cares. Anyone who is regularly advertising their sexual proclivities beyond the bedroom seems to be dealing with some obsessions or insecurities.

by AlarmingPromise 2 weeks ago

Just say you're OK with missionary vanilla bean😆

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

People who complain about their circle of friends are often the problem. You attract what you are

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This is hilarious. You're so wrong that I can't even possibly take this personally. Gee, who has more well developed social skills and intelligence? The person who is enjoying life in their own particular way or the person who throws around misinformed judgments that literally no one asked for?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Are you aware that you do not know the sexual proclivities of most people you know?

by Vicenteerdman 2 weeks ago

Like anything, the people that make it their whole personality are exhausting to be around. Those that partake in it as just sex with fun stuff involved are usually pretty cool.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yeah, no. As someone in the BDSM community, it's painfully obvious you have zero idea what you're talking about. BDSM and sex do not have to be involved with each other. It can be high maintenance, but that's only if the people involved want it to be. More often than not, at least from my experience, it's pretty simple. Also seems to be a lot of arm chair psychologists in here spouting about mental illness and BDSM and/or abuse. More people who have zero clue what they're talking about.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I mean, damn, do you not have literally anything else to do? Like what? Watch someone else play sports? Spend an obscene amount of time making a painting? Collect expensive shoes? Hobbies are supposed to be fun and frivolous.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's clearly not your cup of tea but judging consenting adults engaging in activities they find fun makes you sound like a puritan pilgrim from the 1800s who wants to outlaw anyone enjoying themselves It's like me saying something as ignorant as "everyone in a vanilla monogamous relationship only stays because someone got knocked up"

by Kindly-Usual 2 weeks ago

You're talking about a lifestyle that could be applied to anything. Exercise every day is high maintenance. Cooking healthy meals. Playing video games, or sports, or any other daily hobby. Just because you don't understand what it means to make a commitment in something you're not interested in, doesn't make it any more involved than anything else. What if a couple likes to wear cute clothes and hold hands when they go out? It's just a thing they enjoy to do and it's not a chore for them. Maybe you don't like holding hands. Does that make it annoying and high maintenance to be around?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Vanilla opinion

by Able-River 2 weeks ago

Sounds like you are just judging a whole group of people due to the fact that you are not into it.

by Vegetable-Split6521 2 weeks ago

This part

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I like to think people who are "heavily into it" enjoy the experience which involves the process, the mechanics, and the equipment. This is same as anyone who enjoys a hobby and spends a lot of time in it. People should be allowed to enjoy what they are passionate about without being judged by others who think that judgment makes them somehow superior.

by Taya84 2 weeks ago

As toddlers we encounter death. Our ego has a problem and can't reconcile death with our life. All of humanity and society is to distract us from death. Our lives have no absolute meaning so this idea you promote of a grounded meaning for sex and relationships is equally vacuous of cosmic purpose as well.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

There are two sides to this coin. In the same way someone might build a life around woodworking or music, people build lives around getting fuggin laid. On the other hand, talking about woodworking or music to a layperson is a lot less disturbing for the audience than taking someone down a rabbit hole about your $900 custom latex Doberman mask.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

A discussion needs to be had about how cringe the whole thing is.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

You are just not interested bruh

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

The fetish community seem to be gatekeepers. The fact that "X" fetish HAVE to do these things. It's becoming cliquish and hard to incorporate.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I had a very brief and unpleasant sex only relationship with a woman that was exclusively into BDSM, it was way too much work for her to reach orgasm after 5 minutes and then ignore me all night. Noped out of that one real fast.

by Gardnerschmeler 2 weeks ago

What do you think "superfluous" means

by Zconsidine 2 weeks ago

I mean, I generally let people do their thing, but I gotta say, I am almost always disappointed by the fact that almost nobody hot is into it? Everytime someone tells me their into it... I am just kind of grossed out cause its never hot people. I dont wanna picture someone who is pauchy in a gimpsuit. Or someone with a B.O problem tied up. It seems cringe to take orders from a dom with a horrible jawline. You know? And it is always them. ALWAYS.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This is stupidly vague and seems to be a very YOU issue. Someone you know annoys you with it and now you passive-aggressively vent on the internet. Congrats, you are our billionth customer.

by Abelardokessler 2 weeks ago

Sounds more like you're jealous because these people have focused in so deeply on what they need to have their best life and best sex. Admittedly I don't know anyone who drags this out into public, and if that's been done to you - I'm sorry you've had to deal with that.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I'm confused as to how it's "high maintence", BDSM isn't a "lifestyle", it's an activity in the bedroom, no one goes full gimp suit 24/7. OP you're highly uneducatedon BDSM by the sounds of it.

by Annalisedibbert 2 weeks ago

BDSM isn't a "lifestyle", it's an activity in the bedroom That's not accurate either. That's true for most people, but there are people who do (near) 24/7 power exchange.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I think this is just another example of trying to make an excuse to hate another group of people for no reason

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's also just sparkly abuse.

by gweimann 2 weeks ago