This isn't just about different standards of clean. It's one partner expecting the other to either do it themselves, or to manage them to get them to do it. You shouldn't have to be told that dishes need to be washed and laundry needs to be started. Making your spouse be the manager of the household is creating an imbalanced distribution of labor.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I disagree. I'm really bad with this kind of task management and it's something that my gf is much better at. If I go off on my own I get side tracked very easily and I find it motivating to have a list to guide me. It's also nice because I know my work will be appreciated. In exchange, I am tasked with the physically intensive tasks. Build / install a shelf, mow the yard, stuff like that

by Competitive-Box2020 2 weeks ago

Yes, exactly. Communication is key here, imo the partner saw there was some sort of need on their end that they're trying to fix by asking for a list but replacing that altogether with proper communication is the best solution. I believe the person asking for the list needs to put more effort towards chores but the spouse might need to put more effort towards understanding their partner better.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

The reason its frustrating is the abdication of responsibility that the list entails. Instead of just pulling your weight and doing what needs done, the other person now not only has to do their share but also write out your instructions so that you know what you have to do. How do you not know what needs cleaning? It's very frustrating to have to list out what needs doing when it feels very obvious. Why should I need to write down that the trash needs emptying when it's obvious, that the dishes need doing when the sink is overflowing. It just adds more work to the other person who now has to manage your time too. It can also often be weaponised incompetence, where they've made themselves seem so useless that it just feels less effort to do the chore than write a list or have to explain what needs doing. If I need to do specific, unusual things then my girlfriend will leave me some instructions but I would genuinely be offended if she left me a list of chores. I'm a grown man not a child, I can see what needs doing and don't need to be parented.

by Montanadamore 2 weeks ago