If you shame men/boys for crying then you are the problem, amirite?

AGREEEEEED. We need way more emotional safety for men. It will create a much healthier society for men AND women if men were able to express themselves. Caveat though - they need to be expressed in a healthy way

by Full_Ice 2 weeks ago

Exactly, and it's not even absurd things. Like you see your mom's favorite flower and she passed away 5 years ago, shed some tears and don't feel shame. Wife and kids do something amazing, cry with joy instead of holding back. Beautiful moments deserve to be felt as much as sad ones

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Absolutely agree

by Full_Ice 2 weeks ago

So you only want good emotions to be expressed? How can you express hate and anger in a healthy way? And don't say "talk it out." When I want to break a door, you telling me to talk is gonna make me want to break it more

by Hahnshanna 2 weeks ago

Rage room, work out, go for a walk, punch a pillow. Not take it out on another person or someone's belongings. You don't have to talk it out - there may be nothing to talk out of- you do have to figure out how to regulate your own emotions without hurting anyone else (this includes yourself).

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

From the west and it was more or less beaten into our heads, boys/men don't cry. I still can't shed a tear 48 years later.

by Spare_Cupcake 2 weeks ago

My grandfather refused to SMILE when watching comedies. Unless the man was getting his picture taken with my grandmother, he remained stone faced. My dad followed suit for the most part. He'll only ever smile if I'm busting his balls for something.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Same for my dad. Very little smiles ever.

by Spare_Cupcake 2 weeks ago

Toxic masculinity.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

You grow up getting "I'll give you something to cry about, or slapped for crying." You reach a point you can burn your hand on the stove and walk it off like a man. Doesn't make it healthy

by Kaylierippin 2 weeks ago

To be fair it's beneficial to an extent it's all a middle ground it's good to not burst into tears over an injury , for me the most harmful part is the shaming of mental caused crying like grieving etc

by Sad-Poem-2513 2 weeks ago

That's exactly it! "If you want something to cry about" and now I can walk off most things, as bad as I know that is.

by Spare_Cupcake 2 weeks ago

I was told at a young age "crying won't make it better or hurt less." I got choked up when I had to speak at my mom's funeral. I had to take some deep breaths to compose myself. Is that crying? I really don't know, and I'm in my 60s

by Longjumping_Grass477 2 weeks ago

Yeah I was lucky enough to have parents that didn't preach that

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I was raised by cowboys. On a farm. Had to have tough skin.

by Spare_Cupcake 2 weeks ago

Soundwave Superior

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Agree, there's no way my dad would have cried in front of me and he made pretty clear that I should never do it too.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Why is this unpopular?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Bc men are taught they they shouldn't cry, that they need to be tough and strong. And this ideology is not outdated, you're probably out of touch, I've recently seen this mindset in young men in their late teens and 20s

by kaylee27 2 weeks ago

Toxic Masculinity is backfiring massively.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

actually it's toxic femininity and misandry. don't start with the whole toxic masculinity. it's women that perpetuate it ironically, not men

by External-Rest-5894 2 weeks ago

I had a bit of trouble some years ago, nothing serious just being a bit emotional sometimes (crying from a movie for example, or talking about how sad I was about my breakup). The guys that helped me have become even stronger friends. And every women shut me out and even talked bad about me. Only Women that was really there for me was my mom. So yeah.. it's kinda horrible to read all this "agreed" on here when it feels like one of those "yeah they need someone. Not me though:)" Vibes.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yeah but men are always thrown under the bus. I have never ever heard or read anyone talk about toxic femininity and misandry. Nope. Men and incel a and whatever else is trendy these days

by External-Rest-5894 2 weeks ago

Explain

by Remote-Set5387 2 weeks ago

There's not really much explanation to be done. It's not women's lived experiences because they don't tend to notice it, but myself, most men I know, and most men I talk to, all say the same thing about 'toxic masculinity'. The idea that men don't show emotion isn't coming from men.

by Much-Frosting 2 weeks ago

"Crying isn't manly" is quite literally a masculine trait that is toxic to be affected by, whether you are the man who expresses it, the people who are on the receiving end of an outburst from a repressed "manly" man, or the other men who are in turn taught that crying isn't manly by the man who was in turn taught it by other men (and women) who believed it. It is perpetuated by men, it damages men, it is allegedly a masculine trait. It is by definition toxic masculinity.

by zacharymcclure 2 weeks ago

You realise toxic masculinity has nothing to do with the gender of the ones who enforce the gender norms right? Regardless if men or women were the main contributors of toxic masculinity , it would still be toxic masculinity.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

You do realise that society by in large demonises men. Meek man. Strong men. All shamed. You do realise that we live in a women are wonderful ideology And actually we should talk about toxic women not men. Men aren't toxic in their masculinity. Maybe women should take responsibility and actually be better. Men are shamed for whatever they do yet here we are toxic masculinity much like the boogeyman patriarchy

by External-Rest-5894 2 weeks ago

You do realise that society by in large demonises men. Meek man. Strong men. All shamed Yes I do realise that. I also realise this is a weak deflection you're using because you can't admit you don't know what toxic masculinity means

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's not a deflection but it's funny how whenever men have issues somehow it's toxic masculinity. I disagree. It's the toxic society we live in that constantly treats men as second class citizens and cannon fodder for their wars

by External-Rest-5894 2 weeks ago

I mean all of that is still true today. People don't like to acknowledge it but crying is naturally viewed as a sign of weakness. The difference is whether we determine that weakness as a sign the person should be helped vs they are a disgusting weakling.

by Colliertyson 2 weeks ago

Because in the southern US it taught that boys crying is weakness

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Not from USA and the "Real man dont cry" ideology is outdated.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

it's rly strong in a lot of the USA unfortunately

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

As it should be, but it's seen time and again here

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It is still taught here often, was even taught in school not long.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Because internet is for USians, dont you know?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's not.

by Nash52 2 weeks ago

"Real men don't cry" was taught in schools just a few years back. It's a society tradition, not an individual issue.

by Distinct-Heart 2 weeks ago

With the push for mental health and acceptance of therapy I'd hope that this "real men don't cry" narrative is put out to the pasture

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

issue is that when men do share emotions with say the women in their lives, said women get bitchy as all hell about it. forget society and how it is "taught". The people we love shame us about it. It is almost like we have to fight to be treated like human beings just like how women constantly have to tell us that they are human. Well, men are equally as human

by External-Rest-5894 2 weeks ago

Gender differences in crying, for example, have been explored for decades and across the world, and all of the studies reached the same conclusion: Women cry more than men.

by kearagleason 2 weeks ago

Had a girlfriend I felt comfortable enough to share my feelings with. Cried in front of her one time and it was like a switch flipped in her. She just treated me with less and less respect after that point until we broke up. Let me tell you, I just LOVE opening up to people now! /s

by Acceptable-Sail-9560 2 weeks ago

I get where your coming from, but I'd rather be alone than in a relationship where I constantly have to hold back. I say you dodged a bullet.

by Constant_Pay7858 2 weeks ago

Is it really dodging a bullet if they're all bullets though

by Kindly_Cancel3457 2 weeks ago

Pew pew

by Acceptable-Sail-9560 2 weeks ago

Depends what they are crying about.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Exactly you shouldn't burst into tears over a small injury or a minor inconvenience as an adult, but if you shame someone for crying because a family member died your a scumbag and I've legit seen it haplen

by Sad-Poem-2513 2 weeks ago

At some point I feel like I forgot how to cry as I get old. It is a sad thing really.

by Several_Gene_8184 2 weeks ago

It's okay to seek why that is. You shouldn't forget that crying is a natural emotion

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Opposite for me - I rarely watch war movies anymore because I can't make it through them without crying, and there are a handful of songs out there about kids growing up that get me. Where the Red Fern Grows always flushed out the tear ducts. But in most things I don't cry, and I'm glad I don't. It's not helpful to be a soggy, snotty mess.

by kearagleason 2 weeks ago

Sorry if it comes as rude and awkward. But your advice is uncalled for, and rather cringy. I wasn't following what my dad or mom says or anything. I'm just saying my emotions have been sort of numbed when I grow old. I used to cry a lot when I was a kid.

by Several_Gene_8184 2 weeks ago

ok, well at least we've determined that you're the one to blame in this then. Enjoy :-)

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Fully agree. We can't all acknowledge that the majority of men have not ever been taught how to deal with emotions in a healthy way and then turn around and weaponize it when they do.

by Entire-Emu6270 2 weeks ago

"Let not the eyes be dry when we have lost a friend, nor let them overflow. We may weep, but we must not wail." Seneca. Moral letters to Lucilius.

by kearagleason 2 weeks ago

I think this is why men are stereotyped as angry. It's the only negative emotion we're allowed to have, so if we feel bad, we default to the acceptable emotion. Sorrow, depression, anxiety, I was always ignored until I calmed down whenever I felt like that. But anger? Anger would at least be acknowledged and would provoke a reaction. Being yelled at was better than being ignored.

by Ordinary_Rise 2 weeks ago

The previous generations of men were complete pigs towards our generation.. The patriarchy and toxic masculinity is backfiring in a beautiful way.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I wouldn't call any of this beautiful. Just sad and unfortunate.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yup it gets converted to anger , though a lot of it is biological too via harmone differences

by Sad-Poem-2513 2 weeks ago

I domt shame kids for crying. I do, however, try to tell them not to cry in front of other people besides family because people view that weakness. Take it how you want, but it's the truth

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

There's a difference in "don't cry cuz you're a man and that's weak" and "don't let people see you cry, find your space and let out your emotions in a better environment" I feel like you're raising them in the second

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

that's sad.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I dont see that changing any time soon but maybe one day.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Emotion is one of the most basic things human beings ever have.

by Fine-Huckleberry9231 2 weeks ago

Exactly

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This is the most obvious example of toxic masculinity.

by tomasa93 2 weeks ago

I think this opinion is becoming more popular these days and that's a good thing.

by Few-Author 2 weeks ago

Fo real why people have the mentality that crying is only for babies

by Working_Cucumber_505 2 weeks ago

Generations of men tell their sons

by Little-Owl 2 weeks ago

Emotions are healthy, plain and simple. People love saying this until the emotion is anger. At which point you're labled as either immature, or dangerous

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

The south is a hell hole. Luckily, more people are starting to grow up and realize that being human means having emotions.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Depends on the situation. There is not being in control of your emotions which can lead to issues. And this goes for everyone, not just men. I just can't stand it when people freak out over small things and become paralyzed.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I grew up thinking that crying in front of people was bad, I cried in front of my girlfriend, and punched a wall afterward for letting my emotions out

by Little-Owl 2 weeks ago

This is not unpopular.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I don't know man as a boy you eventually grow up to be a father at least that's the assumption. Boys shouldn't cry is often a way of saying don't sit around and sulk about your problem. Sometimes you cry but you shouldn't get back on it dude!! Sometimes you have to tell yourself not to be a crybaby. A little shame might even be necessary depending on the context of crying.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I think we need to worry less about letting men cry, and instead we should worry about how the vast majority of men are physically and emotionally abusive not only to their partners but to their children and other family members as well. Instead of letting men cry we should address porn addictions and how there's a staggering amount of male pedos nowadays. We should be worrying about how men make up the vast majority of family annihilators.

by Margret38 2 weeks ago

I'm not sure that this is unpopular, but I'm with the sentiment!

by Fragrant-Bee 2 weeks ago

I painted my toenails for the beach one summer cause it looked pretty sweet. And also because my GFs little sister is the one who wanted to do it. I got made fun of a lot, more by women than men tbh. I'm a bigger guy so my line was "if you know a guy who can make me take it off send him my way" If I wanna cry ima cry. Like a little at my buddy's wedding. Or when I watch Moana and the ancestors come out to sail with her. If you think that emasculates me I can let you think what you want or prove you wrong, makes no difference to me. Probably gonna depend on the day Point being: I make it acceptable for me to show my own emotions.

by Defiant-Funny 2 weeks ago

Don't shame them, but surely teach them that the world doesn't care. the world in fact does not.

by torey37 2 weeks ago

If you wanna feel, okay cool, but do not ever show emotions like that if front of your wife/gf, it never works out.

by Hahnshanna 2 weeks ago

My girlfriend actually was worried after I punched a wall because I cried in front of her.

by Little-Owl 2 weeks ago

I don't ashame boys (children generally) for crying especially if it isn't a tantrum they are throwing. But I completely disagree for the case of grown men. They really shouldn't cry in public especially If it's not a case of the loss of a loved one or something extremely important. Don't be cultivating a generation of weak men and even women that would sooner cry than solve problems with your emotions talk. Humanity wouldn't have survived to this point if everyone shared your mindset.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

OP are you male or female ?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

OP says man. But why is that even a question?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I'll share my experience here because my father was someone who told me not to cry when I was a boy, I really don't think the way he did it was problematic. I'll do the same with my son(s). It's "boys don't cry," but I always understood it as "boys don't cry RIGHT NOW." There's a lot of situations that you will be in where you have to step up and "be a man," and many of those situations are upsetting and scary, but you can't waste your time crying. Somebody you love might be really hurt, but you can't cry right now. A girl might really break your heart, but you can't sit there crying in her house, you need to suck it up for now and go home. You might get turned down for your dream job, and again, you can't cry right now. Somebody might be threatening you, and crying is not going to help that. Sometimes you need to be able to temporarily repress your emotions to deal with a situation, and take those feelings home and deal with them at a better time. It's not that if you're a boy you can't have emotions, and it's not that you shouldn't deal with your emotions, it means sometimes you do need to have the ability to put off your own feelings for a while and deal with them later.

by PuzzleheadedBase6819 2 weeks ago

Oh you can cry in front of women just don't expect them to not make fun of your for it later lol

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I disagree about the "healthy" part of your opening. Emotions, and the inability to suppress and control them cause more issues for society then just about anything else. Life with emotions suppressed and replaced with Logic would make the world a much cleaner and safer place. Sure, maybe they served a purpose when we as a species were less developed, but it's time to move on..

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Eh, empathy takes energy. I refuse to spend mine on things that are outside my general involvement.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Emotions, and the inability to suppress and control them cause more issues for society then just about anything else. Life with emotions suppressed and replaced with Logic would make the world a much cleaner and safer place. Life would also become much more pointless.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Oh, quit your crying and walk it off.

by StandSuper2866 2 weeks ago

Who says there's a problem?

by Brakuscandice 2 weeks ago

Okay lady

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Have fun raising bitch boys

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Handle checks out

by PresentationNo 2 weeks ago

I'll enjoy our time together and know I send them out to be well rounded people, thank you

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

At least try being funny while trolling lil bro

by Marquisehintz 2 weeks ago

No.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago