Confidence doesn't make you more attractive, attractive people just tend to be more confident, amirite?

As a well-below-average looking guy, I can tell you that all I needed to learn was a little self respect and I never had issues dating again. And that is what people are talking about by "attractive". Not "visual conformity" or even "visual appeal" but "I want to be near that person". "They attract me".

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Oh then I guess people are misunderstanding what I want. I want to look good not have people fall in love with me or something. I already have a partner

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I didn't mean "fall in love" necessarily. The same goes for leadership. People want to "be drawn to" their leaders. What do you hope to achieve from your visual appeal, if you don't mind me asking?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I guess I'd like to be like a fashion or makeup figure. Maybe not even on the internet but I'd at least like people to think I suit the clothes I like to wear and look out together. If you're overweight or have a not so great face it's impossible to look put together

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I think you might need to look more into fashion and makeup tips, then. You definitely can look amazing while overweight (although maybe that is just me and my preferences talking there), and I've seen impressive stuff with makeup over the years.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Oh for sure, but that only really works at a certain level. You have to already be decently attractive

by Anonymous 2 months ago

What

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I'm pretty good at taking pictures somehow.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

If you already have a monogamous partner, why should you care about what people on the internet think about your attractiveness level? Surely the one person whose opinion you should care about is that of your partner.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

He is with me for my personality. And it's because I really enjoy fashion and makeup. I think 99% of people want to be good looking so it's not that weird

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I don't think the idea is that people will "find you attractive" or you'll "turn attractive" if you are confident or act confident, I think they generally mean that acting confident is *more* attractive than acting insecure- which I would have to argue is a pretty obvious truth.

by Impressive_Mobile 2 months ago

But for someone who is unattractive anyways it won't make any difference

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I don't understand it because it can't literally change your face

by Anonymous 2 months ago

There's more to sexual attraction than physical appearance, apparently

by Impressive_Mobile 2 months ago

I forgot that's why most people want to look good. I don't care if people find me sexually attractive, in fact I'd rather they not. My goal is to be pretty and be able to wear nice clothes and makeup and hair and stuff like that.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

it's freeing to just do it. This is probably true for most people but I've been attempting to do it for probably 15 years and every time, I spiral because I just know people are looking at me thinking it's ridiculous and silly for me to even try. I just compare myself to the other girls my age that I walk past and I know I could never be what I want

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I've never heard it in that context

by Anonymous 2 months ago

True confidence comes from positive reinforcement... from a pattern of people viewing attractive people favorably.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Exactly!

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I like this opinion. People also think that charm is something what you can learn. When its not. I met ugly people who had their charm (fake people, narcissists) who were ugly in face but still attractive in eyes of others. It wasn't confidence making them be attractive but their charm. Some people just have it in themselves. While other person can try be confident and still not be attractive.

by MammothExpensive 2 months ago

Again confusing correlation with causation.

by Junior_Front4956 2 months ago

Others or me?

by Anonymous 2 months ago