We are too lenient towards unethical behavior in relationships, amirite?

If youre not happy in a relationship, leave the relationship. There's nothing wrong in leaving when you're not happy, staying just cases resentment and an unhealthy relationship.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

What exactly are you advocating for? That once someone enters into a romantic relationship it should be a lifetime commitment, regardless of how either of them feel in the future?

by Mcglynnrosalyn 2 months ago

You should be fully responsible for the consequences of breaking your commitments, but you are allowed to break them. That's what alimony, child support, etc are for. I would also argue that extends *conceptually* to non-legally bound relationships from an ethical standpoint. You bought a house with your partner, but then decided to cheat and you want to leave? Fine, but you should help your ex get out of the situation that you are partially responsible for creating. If it's a mutually amicable breakup and everyone will be fine recovering, then nothing is owed. At best, people just change...but there should be a cost if others are dependent regardless.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I don't get that though. What is the purpose of making a "commitment" at all if you can just break them for whatever reason?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Because it's not jail. We can rethink and re-evaluate our commitments

by AlternativeBet6986 2 months ago

You can commit to something and have it not work out. I think if you've committed to someone or a relationship, you owe it them to try and make it work. However, you owe it to yourself to leave if you still don't want to continue. Staying in an unhappy relationship is bad for everyone

by Anonymous 2 months ago

You live one singular life. You can be religious all you want but you can't say with certainty that there's anything that can be done. You going to go through that entire one life being unhappy because you made a promise when you actually were happy 15 years ago? There's a point that is the straw that breaks the camels back. If your happy but not protecting your partners piece or happiness then their feelings for you will waver. We aren't birds. We don't mate for life if we aren't cared for.

by Training-Success 2 months ago

It's not important that you get it.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Exactly. I'm offsetting his argument by putting in counter arguments for others to read. Engaging OP directly is a waste of time...as is this affirming explanation of what you just said. Later.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I wasn't talking about the legal side of things, I was talking about the ethical side of things and how we, as a community and generation, justify bad behavior in relationships, simply because they are "relationships"

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Something isn't unethical just because you don't like it.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

It's unethical to make a promise and break it, no?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

In every instance? No

by Anonymous 2 months ago

But I'm a majority of instances, yes it is

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Is it? I can't quantify that, how are you doing it?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Because commitments and promises are created to establish a boundary of what is fair, executed through a means of trust. Some of those commitments extend to legal reasons, some do not. Example: I commit to do this, if you commit to do that. I'll show up to work, if you pay me. If a majority of commitments were broken, it would create an unequal equilibrium of fairness. What happens if you show up to work, and your employer doesn't pay you? A majority of the time, that wouldn't be okay with you. However, in some small cases, if you don't show up to work unannounced, your employer might not fire you. But most of the time, they would fire you. Commitments establish a boundary for fairness.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

You know people change friends sometimes too. We're alive a long time, people change. Should you be stuck in a friendship or a relationship for the rest of your life that you committed to under dubious premises as a 13 year old?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Because if there is no nice legal way out there are certain ways to get to "Till death us do part."

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Your definition of unethical and mine are vastly different. Unethical behavior in a relationship, to me, is being harmful, cruel, or intentionally misleading. You're talking about people changing over the course of time. Sometimes people grow apart and I think it's okay for them to end a relationship over that. There are still consequences for that, but forcing people to stay in relationships where they aren't happy is weird to me.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

So what would you define as a healthy consequence for the person breaking their commitments, promises and vows?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I'll answer but this whole "commitments, promises, and vows" thing feels so weird and legal. Love and relationships, while they certainly have legal and logical aspects, are ultimately emotional and social. Trying to apply a legalistic framework to an emotional entanglement is rarely going be satisfying. Now for your question. Depending on how you behaved in the relationship and the ending of it, you'll probably lose some friendships and maybe garner scorn from your social circle. If you're married, there are legal ramifications as well. What would you like? Do you want people put in the stocks?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

being apart is better than being together for the kids, despite countless data proving otherwise There is zero data that says that. All of the data says that having separated parents who are emotionally healthy is better for kids than staying together in an unhappy relationship.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Kids being in unhappy homes is damaging and abusive. There is no research backing up staying in relationships for the kids sake as having positive outcomes over negative outcomes. What if the relationship in question has no children? All your points are irrelevant then. I don't owe anyone else anything more than I owe myself (unless I have children). There is actual evidence on how having conflict in children's' lives negatively impacts development.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

As someone who has divorced parents who fought constantly and made our house feel cold and unwelcoming with their endless fighting and distance, I'm so happy they got divorced

by Anonymous 2 months ago

your experience and what you've seen is a valid reason to hold the opinion you do the experience of kids who ended up traumatized from living in homes with married parents who despised each other and became unloving parents in the process is also a valid experience, and a valid reason to oppose your opinion just because two parents are married and living together does not make them loving parents. that's the part of the equation that's being disagreed with here

by No_Turn893 2 months ago

You would tell your friend to stay with someone that they don't love anymore?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Insane behavior

by Anonymous 2 months ago

You would tell your friend it's okay to break promises and vows because their feelings changed?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Yes. It's ok to get divorced if you no longer love each other.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

YES! YOU only live once, don't be miserable. Don't cheat or anything, but you can break things off and leave.

by Alden48 2 months ago

I promised the DARE officer I wouldn't do drugs. Things change

by Anonymous 2 months ago

😭

by runtefreddie 2 months ago

Same lmao

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I assume this is a teenager, but I'm not ruling out the possibility it's a time traveler from the 17th century

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Or, realistically, a very sad adult with the cognitive skills of a teenager. Who probably got dumped by someone who changed their feelings when they realized such.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I have two friends. One stayed with her husband because they have kids and she wanted them to have a father (despite her not being in love anymore). The other, divorced her husband and now her kids don't have a father figure. The first one? That's selfless and she put aside her own feelings for her kid's needs. Her commitment was more important to her. The second? She chose her own happiness over the needs of her family. Why would you view the first person's choice as "immature"? I view it as the exact opposite

by Anonymous 2 months ago

The document talks about those cases. I'm sorry if you don't want to read data, but it's there. Abuse is never okay to stay. But again, we're not talking about abuse. We're talking about the majority of time people leave, which according to the data, 73% leave due to commitment issues (NOT abuse)

by Anonymous 2 months ago

You think the first friend's kids want their mom in a loveless marriage?

by AlternativeBet6986 2 months ago

Go back and read what I wrote. The only one assuming here is you. I never said all relationships end by falling out of love. I said we are too lenient towards unethical behavior in relationships. Leaving someone because they abused isn't unethical. Leaving and breaking your commitments because you got bored, is. I never assumed anything

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Having a romantic relationship is NOT a requirement for being a good and responsible parent. Furthermore, it has a rather negative effect on the children and their development if the parents continue the "relationship" just because of them.

by Soft-Frame 2 months ago

There are many reasons why these results come about: For example, many parents project their problems after a separation onto their children, not every separation goes smoothly without serious conflict, parents are no longer as present in their children's lives, etc. So it depends on the individual behavior of the parents and not on the romantic relationship in and of itself. And either way, a loveless marriage leads to a high potential for conflict in the long term.

by Soft-Frame 2 months ago

You clearly did not even read your own research because they find no difference in happiness levels between married couples that divorced over stayed together. Page 11 there the big purple B starts. Please go read it again. You're spewing nonsense.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Why is it the second woman's fault that her ex made the decision to abandon his children?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

There's a difference between ending a relationship because you're unhappy vs. Cheating or being shady because you're unhappy.

by keaton65 2 months ago

Why would you want your friend and their spouse to stay in an unhappy marriage?

by Domenicahyatt 2 months ago

They should break promises if they want to leave. Leaving when you dont want to be there anymore is the best decision

by AlternativeBet6986 2 months ago

If one of our friends say that to us about their relationship, we encourage them and their behavior like it's totally normal for that instead of slapping them upside head and said "you made promises. Keep them." Not really. Just flat out telling someone to keep a relationship going regardless of the merits sounds incredibly callous. I usually ask why and 9 times out of 10 it's because they've drifted apart or it's the result of resentment that has grown from multiple unresolved issues over a period of time. Depending on how bad it is sometimes I encourage them to reconcile or try couples counselling, but if it's clear that they've drifted too far or that the resentment has killed the love entirely then yes I will encourage them to seek out happiness even if that means ending the relationship because I care about my friends' happiness.

by elmore42 2 months ago

It's okay to not keep promises. People and situations change. Expecting someone to always adhere to something they said years ago after circumstances change is silly.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

There's nothing unethical about falling out of love. It's not anyone's fault they don't love their partner anymore. Do you want them to stay in an unhappy, loveless relationship just because they committed? Just because they made a vow? People change over time and sometimes in different directions, and that's okay. I would much rather have someone break up with me because they don't love me than stay with me because they feel like they have to

by Anonymous 2 months ago

You're not even citing actual parts of this study. There was not a difference found in happiness levels for couples that divorced or stayed together. There is also no actual numbers or statistics in this study. It's very anecdotal and based off other another study that was not looking at these factors so you have to take it with a grain of salt. But this article you're pushing is not backing up what you're saying. Because yes I read the whole thing. For anyone Curious to go page 11 and read where the big purple B starts for their conclusions.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I'm not talking about people who think they're out of love but actually have other problems. I'm talking about people who genuinely just aren't the same people they used to be and don't work as a couple anymore. And please answer the part about wanting your friends to stay in a loveless and unhappy marriage that is genuinely loveless

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I'm not obligated to stay in a relationship I no longer want to be in.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

If you have expectations in a relationship and they aren't being met, leave the relationship. Don't cheat, just leave. For example, if my husband cheated on me, we'd divorce. He knows that. It's the same for him. If I cheated, we'd divorce. Easy peasy.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Because all is fair in love and war. There's nothing in vows that says you have to stay with them forever, not in this day and age

by Anonymous 2 months ago

So cheating? The majority of people are against cheating. If you meant other things besides that, what exactly are you talking about?

by Turcottemyrl 2 months ago

Are you talking about cheating or breaking up/divorce. Because the former nobody, at least on here, is cool with. The second is some sort of crazy talk.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Just encourage them to break up. I don't think that they should be compelled to stay in the relationship but cheating is pathetic. People should be more comfortable just breaking up.

by Complete-Usual 2 months ago

Weird. You must have an interesting friend circle. No one I know would ever encourage someone to go ahead and cheat, no matter what the reason... so in my world this is not an unpopular opinion.

by enrico75 2 months ago

I never encouraged anyone to cheat and none of my friends do either. In fact, that's the opposite of what I said

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Ah I see. Yes I misread. So you just assume your friend group is the only one that would say give your fvcking head a shake? Weird.

by enrico75 2 months ago