Dating as a man is like dying of thirst in the desert. There's no water anywhere and you can barely even imagine finding any. Dating as a woman is like dying of thirst in the middle of the ocean. There is water everywhere, but you probably don't want to drink it, and if you do it might kill you.
by Anonymous1 month ago
i prefer the swamp analogy, because there definitely is safe water around you its just hard to find, and difficult to tell if its safe or not; whereas the ocean implies there is absolutely no safe water
by Anonymous1 month ago
Thats a really good improvement!
by Anonymous1 month ago
Yeah and all the while you have all these dudes like OP screaming from the desert "what are you whining about, there's water all around you!"
by Cheap-End9351 month ago
The issue is the experiences are so different that neither side can really understand the problems the other group is facing.
by Anonymous1 month ago
While the other side screams "There's water all around, just be normal and be able to carry on a conversation, it's not that hard".
by Anonymous1 month ago
Im sorry, am i the only one who finds this analogy stupid? It is basically saying unlike women, most men are salty water / undatable!
by stehrmerle1 month ago
Someone else gave the idea of a swamp instead of an ocean. So there is safe water around, but also dangerous water and crocodiles.
by Anonymous1 month ago
The analogy is fine, except that men also have to find good water. There is no guarantee that the water in the oasis is potable.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Nice analogy
by alizewintheiser1 month ago
Good analogy.
by Casimirortiz1 month ago
Meh, not really because the ocean water is guaranteed to kill you if you drink too much or it. Maybe a tepid lake or something would be a better analogy.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Love this analogy.
by Top-Bag1 month ago
EXACTLY, that's what almost every guy does wrong lol
by afton381 month ago
I'd wager that most guys screw up with flirting and getting women interested in more than friendship.
by Anonymous1 month ago
this is a good advice imo
by Anonymous1 month ago
I went on a tinder date with one of the hottest woman I've ever hung out with. We were at her air bnb and she brought up not wanting to get intimate, I told her we don't have to have sex we can just talk. Her eyes lit up like I was a freaking unicorn. Best part is I meant it. We had an amazing convo and really got to know each other. She's one of my besties now.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Sooo nothing happened…
by kiehnglen1 month ago
I think that's called getting friendzoned
by Anonymous1 month ago
ROFL! Guy just pointed out how he did not get laid.
by Anonymous1 month ago
what's wrong with a friend? maybe at one point one of her friends becomes single too and she will introduce them.
by Sauerraphael1 month ago
This works a world of wonders. Though, it needs to be balanced with sex.
by irving461 month ago
Something I learned at a younger age was if you actually make legit woman friends. They are the best wingman and will even toss you an alley oop here and there
by macykoepp1 month ago
if you're into casual sex
by Anonymous1 month ago
No it isn't because it amounts to "have female friends" Ok, do they grow on trees?
by Ila651 month ago
well, shockingly, there are similar amounts of men and women!! so you might actually find that if you go to public events and places and clubs, you may a woman, or multiple women, that you can charm (talk to) and convince them befriend you
by Anonymous1 month ago
Talking to strangers is incredibly hard on its own
by Ila651 month ago
Nah cause then you get accused of only befriending them for sex and they'll claim all men don't really want or value friendships with women
by According-Mouse-69931 month ago
As someone who had a lot of female friends and dated very little, making friends with women and dating them are very different skillsets. Women by default want to be friends with guys. All you have to do is be nice, somewhat interesting and not be a creep. Getting women to want to sleep with you is very different.
by Anonymous1 month ago
This sound like good advice, but how do you make female friends over 30? I have like 6 male friends and all of their wife's, GF's friends are already married or taken. I mean, i'm like casual friends with them (don't think my friends would appreciate it if anyone getting too firendly with their girls even if they trust me) but that don't really help.
by Tough-Operation94541 month ago
Nah, too much time consuming.
by Resident_Bar37191 month ago
May I suggest not telling any prospective date that you haven't had a relationship in such a long time. Just fake it until you make it my dude. All is fair in love and war, and fortune favors the bold.
by Legal_Cover19041 month ago
I've heard this advice and tried it, but they always pry, or question why I choose not to reveal
by ChartOk6671 month ago
There are ways to say things like that without being dishonest or coming across as super secretive. I haven't had any serious relationships for awhile vs I haven't had a date in 15 years. If they ask for more information you can also just say that you've been more focused on your career or something along those lines.
by Anonymous1 month ago
well, it's extremely rare I can get to the bedroom part. I'm lucky if I get laid once a year. I haven't had sex since before the pandemic. Think about that for a second. Covid didn't exist the last time I got laid. I don't even remember what sex feels like
by ChartOk6671 month ago
Money caused an end to a precious relationship that i had. At least i blame it. So i spent 9 years being single and working on myself and solving that variable. Ive had a relationship for 2 years now (age 45). Sometimes you got to get your stuff together and stand on your feet first.
by reedharber1 month ago
I think I think the problem is that we are generalizing experiences based on sex. The real groups we should be comparing are attractive vs unattractive
by Anonymous1 month ago
true to some degree but gender actually matters a lot more in this.
by afton381 month ago
When you're attractive, none of this matters
by Anonymous1 month ago
yea ur right, the thing is average women and even below average women have it about the same as an attractive men, therefore making gender matter.
by afton381 month ago
What balances the quality out is that most of the women are getting played. It's harder for guys to find a date, but harder for women to keep one
by Anonymous1 month ago
That's so true ur right, very nice take. Couldn't agree more tbh.
by afton381 month ago
Eh, the average man believes the average woman is attractive. The average woman does not believe the average man is attractive.
by Anonymous1 month ago
The average man would hit it and quit it. They wouldn't wife someone they consider average in their eyes
by Anonymous1 month ago
I've seen more than enough average to bad looking women in relationships, often with men who could he argued look better than them. I've never, maybe once or twice, seen a truly unattractive man in a healthy long term relationship. Yes attractive vs. Unattractive is a thing but sexes are massively different in dating amount/quality.
by Mireya361 month ago
What about rich dude and ugly wife?
by Anonymous1 month ago
Its happened, but its rare. Its really sweet when it happens honestly.
by East-Bowler1 month ago
would YOU date an ugly and poor dude?? like no one really wants to date someone who's poor idk
by Anonymous1 month ago
I'd date a chick who was mid and poor, yeah no problem. women don't want to date someone who is poor men don't want to date someone who is ugly. but No I would not date a dude who is poor and ugly, so you're right!
by East-Bowler1 month ago
Not always! I've seen plenty of shows or movies where there was no focus on the guy having money or being anything particularly special other than just being a great guy. George Lopez show was basically all about that
by Anonymous1 month ago
:)
by East-Bowler1 month ago
Quick question… Do you talk about the 15 year issue on first or second dates? Tinder messages? If so, why? You wouldn't be telling a horrible lie by just waiting a bit before having that conversation. (Not trying to be mean, just curious)
by ReferenceShot3361 month ago
Happily married woman chiming in here. I remember my dating days and while they were hard, I agree that it's much harder for men. With that said, I'm surprised women aren't responding positively to your 15 years of singlehood. IMO that makes you a unicorn. A baggage free, undamaged person who has no crazy exes lurking around, isn't still pining over an ex, hasn't had a fresh break up, isn't rebounding. You're like an untarnished jewel in the produce section! I hope your luck gets better.
by victoriaupton1 month ago
If someone can't understand "I just haven't met the right person yet" then they aren't the right person for you. Just remember what sets you above the rest: you aren't damaged goods, and that is SUCH a great, rare thing for most women. Truly!
by victoriaupton1 month ago
If you want experience you could just not mention the 15 years part or lie about it. If it's just casual and you don't want to get to know each other, it doesn't really matter.
by Anonymous1 month ago
I've never seen a study but I've seen plenty of videos and even some TV show once that had men and women swap profiles or make opposite profiles for dating apps and showed the sheer volume of difference in numbers. And to me I was like "I mean... yeah?" I swipe right on like 70-80% of the girls I see. But I'm pretty sure tinder or bumble data showed women only "like" like 20-40% of the men they see or something? Don't quote me on this I don't remember the exact exact numbers
by Mireya361 month ago
A follow up of that I've read is that men and women tend to go on about the same number of dates from dating apps. So while women do get more guys trying to match with them, they don't end up on any more in-person dates. Which makes sense mathematically, but I think some guys start hearing those statistics and assume women are a lot more successful on dating apps, when it just means they have more potential matches, not actual dates.
by uoconnell1 month ago
I get that you might get a lot of likes with a woman's profile, but does that actually translate into dating and romance? You're swiping on 80% of women. I know men who swipe right on every woman without even looking at their profile. Last time I set up Hinge I signed up and then had something come up so my profile was empty of words and had a bunch of random Facebook pictures that weren't always even of me. I got a lot of likes all of which I ignored because I am looking for someone who likes me for just any reason at all. It doesn't feel good to be with someone who is looking for literally any breathing human female for either sexual gratification or to stave off loneliness. I think that most men wouldn't be happy with a girlfriend who is super desperate and doesn't like them.
by haleynathaniel1 month ago
I'm a feminist and I agree with OP. I wouldn't want to be a guy and single. It sounds tough.
by SalamanderFull1 month ago
Western society is far nicer to women than men? I'm not so sure about that. Men and women struggle, and I can agree with your first point about dating difficulties. Western society has been incredibly hard on women. Men have also had significant struggles, but I'm confused where you see the imbalance considering there are significant differences in society for women as far as work, safety, and laws go. Honestly the idea that men have it much harder might be a small reason for the gap in your dating history. I'm not trying to pick on you, but it's the same victimization that you feel extreme feminists have, just reversed. To a woman, when a man expresses that they have it much harder, it feels like you're ignoring serious issues that women experience based on women being seen as the "second gender" for a long time.
by Apart-Objective-75331 month ago
If you talk like this to women in real life then no wonder you're getting ghosted.
by Alarmed_Ad1 month ago
Not unpopular
by Ok_Yak_82051 month ago
GETTING a date may be harder for men. SURVIVING a date is harder for women.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Surviving a date as in not getting killed? I guess that's technically true, mathamatically 99.999999% is a bigger number than 99.99999%
by Anonymous1 month ago
And this is why men lie to women about past "experience".
by Anonymous1 month ago
No, and I say this as a man, your argument is pretty bad too. I would say getting a date as a man is harder sure! Actual dating is similar.
by Anonymous1 month ago
It's harder on your wallet, I'll tell you that much.
by Low_Assignment1 month ago
Finding a quality partner as a woman is so difficult I've given up dating. Not to mention being worried about predators and abusers. It's easier to get some quick mediocre sex but it isn't easier to find a partner.
by Remote-Geologist-5101 month ago
I like how quickly you dismissed the fact women have to fear for their safety from crazy people, so you could explain how women being uninterested in pursuing a relationship is actually worse/harder. I mean, LOL man.
by Anonymous1 month ago
That's a given
by Anonymous1 month ago
Don't tell them 🤷🏻♀️
by Anonymous1 month ago
Grow a moustache and put spokey dokes on your bike. Ladies love moustaches and spokey dokes. Also, make karate sounds whenever possible.
by ReplacementScary75521 month ago
Why in the world do people you're dating know your dating history or how long you've been single? That's a stupid thing for you to share lol
by Traditional-Lead42071 month ago
they always ask me? Idk why, but the few dates I've been on have always asked when my last relationship was, and I'm not going to start a potential relationship off with a lie
by ChartOk6671 month ago
You could come to the conclusion that it's harder for women, because men don't want women with experience
by NoSense1 month ago
I appreciate the tips and advice, truly! Thank you. I've spent the better part of the past decade just focusing on myself and valuing my time and not being super available, but it's never gotten me any women. I always read stuff like staying busy and focusing on your own work and aspirations etc will inevitable attract women into your life, but that's never been my case. I've never had women approach me. And I don't know how to approach women without coming off like some inexperienced fool. I've hired multiple dating coaches and they always tell me to just approach lots of women, but that's opposite advice of focusing on my own career or aspirations or work or whatever. Not to mention, it's exhausting for an introvert to just randomly go up to people just for the sake of making approaches. All of this lack of skill with women has just compounded over time into being bitter and jealous of my friends around me who never had to go through what I have, have never had to hire dating coaches, have never had to approach women, etc. I know there's the saying "get better, not bitter" but it's easier said than done when you've been in my position as long as I have. It just feels like even if I make myself a mystery, my inexperience comes through with my actions.
by ChartOk6671 month ago
how do you know how hard it is for women? also you dont need experience to not be a socially inept bro this just seems like a thing you use to justify not having any success. reads more like an incel rant rather than a valid logical opinion
by Anonymous1 month ago
did you not read the part where I've had multiple women tell me they wouldn't date me because of my inexperience?
by ChartOk6671 month ago
The trick is to lie. Its stupid, and everyone says they want honesty, but if everyone was honest, everyone would also be single. When you meet a woman, tell her you just broke up with your girlfriend of 6 months. Sort of like lying on your resume, when everyone else is doing it, you have to as well to stay competitive.
by Miserable_Water76961 month ago
True, but likely unpopular.
by East-Bowler1 month ago
It's giving incel. Did you ever consider it's because you're unemployed and living with your parents at 36?
by Anonymous1 month ago
Incels gonna incel.
by Anonymous1 month ago
As a gay man who doesn't have a stake in this, you're 100% right and anyone thinking otherwise is delusional.
by Anonymous1 month ago
There are plenty of men who wouldn't want to date a woman who hasn't been in a relationship for 15 years. People consider past relationships a pre-approval, and assume if you haven't been in one there must be something wrong with you. You personally don't care, but that's not really gender specific. Everything you've said about yourself can apply to women who haven't dated in 15 years.
by uoconnell1 month ago
I feel most men would prefer a woman with little experience
by Anonymous1 month ago
I personally have my doubts, but there aren't facts and figures for these things and no way to prove or disprove. I know with women it's been shown that being in a relationship with another person piques their interest and sometimes even a ring means a guy is pre approved. I've never heard anything like that for guys interest. As a guy I've never even considered how long a girl has been single. I wouldn't even really think to ask how long they've been single or definitely not right away. Its not something I've ever heard a guy be concerned about. Only thing I would be curious about is stuff like whether they were healthy relationships or not
by Glum-Emu1 month ago
I know with women it's been shown that being in a relationship with another person piques their interest and sometimes even a ring means a guy is pre approved. Only for certain type of women If a man it's taken, it's taken.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Yeah my point wasn't that all woman love a man with a ring.. more that pre approval can be a thing with women. Sometimes it's just seen with another girl. Thankfully most people in general have the decency to respect the ring
by Glum-Emu1 month ago
Very true, I once had a crush on a teacher's assistant until I realized he was wearing a ring. It went from me giggling nervous around him to me not caring at all in half a second. I can't speak for all women, but I have no interest in guys who are in committed relationships.
by uoconnell1 month ago
This is far from a scientific example, but I've watched a lot of Love Island UK. A not uncommon trope is for a girl to get rejected once, and then have a terrible time getting anyone's interest for the rest of her time on the show. People will ask why, since she's usually attractive and liked by fans, and the response is typically that once she gets rejected by the first guy it sends out a message that she's not a good person to pursue. Again, not scientific at all. It's a heavily produced dating show. Anecdotal evidence is also not scientific. I personally wouldn't care that much about a guy's lack of dating history, as long as he was honest about it. I just think it's ultimately unproductive to make this a men vs. women thing.
by uoconnell1 month ago
Remember that video where 1 man walks into a room and a group of women have to decide if they want to continue playing this "dating game", and 9 out of 10 women walk out inmediately just because.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Dating for you is hard. Not all men have this issue.
by Anonymous1 month ago
No, but I think what OP means is that on average, dating is harder for man than it is for woman.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Most men have this issue.
by bruenshane1 month ago
Ever tried dating APP, mister 10 out of 10?
by Jealous_Occasion1 month ago
sure, but it's way harder for the average (or I guess in my case, less than average) man than it is for the average or less than average woman.
by ChartOk6671 month ago
Thanks, I appreciate the advice
by ChartOk6671 month ago
If you're young (20s) and you have a boat things get a lot easier.
by East-Bowler1 month ago
Man I'm 29 I'm running out of time to get that boat :/
by uoconnell1 month ago
I've had women into me until I reveal my lack of dating history, so this isn't entirely true. It's like they start to question why he's been single and assume the worst, instead of trying to find out WHY
by ChartOk6671 month ago
I can't argue with your personal experiences, I don't know you and wasn't on your dates. But I can say that your personal, anecdotal experiences don't apply to 100% of men and women.
by uoconnell1 month ago
Something tells me it's more about the WAY you talk about your dating history OP...
by Cheap-End9351 month ago
I've literally said the exact advice people here have told me like "well I didn't really date much when I was younger, I was more focused on my career and just never really dated much, but I'm excited to get out there and try dating now!" This has been met with the ghosting and laughing, and the rarer occasion of letting me down nicely
by ChartOk6671 month ago
OP is talking about straight men.
by IntentionMission1 month ago
I feel like this opinion is only unpopular amongst women. As most women struggle with making good dating choices, while most men struggle to get any dates at all.
by Santinostehr1 month ago
True
by Anonymous1 month ago
Women learn to tell a friend, or family member the details of a date. We use Life 360 to track each other… and it's harder for men? Excuse me?
by Anonymous1 month ago
It's harder to actually get a date as a man is more accurate. The actual process of dating, once you have found a partner, is harder for women as there is the lingering threat of harm.
by Nfadel1 month ago
There are more men on dating apps then there are women. Of course the stats are going to be skewed.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Why? I don't get it, how did you come to this conclusion about op?
by Anonymous1 month ago
Not every man who are bad at dating are bad people. You can just be unsexy, ugly, anxious, shy, depressed, poor or literally anything that makes your dating life harder like that.
by Puzzled-Rule1 month ago
I never said if you are bad at dating, then you must be a bad person; I am saying that he is bad at dating, because he has a bad personality. I agree, if a person has 1 or more of that qualities, dating life will be harder; but it's not exclusive to men.
by zellaberge1 month ago
It really is, if rule #1 doesn't apply.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Is this even an unpopular opinion?
by ariellekling1 month ago
I think you have to consider the fact that; like 50% of men are just awful, as a bisexual man I can say that, every message I get from a dude is either "I want to rail you" or "I want you to rail me."
by osinskijunius1 month ago
Right, look at it this way: If you go to a job interview and tell the interviewer that you've been unemployed in the past 15 years, don't be surprised if you don't get hired, UNLESS you possess something unique or very valuable to that place. The same goes for dating. Work is a professional relationship, dating is an intimate one. If you tell someone that you haven't had a relationship for 15 years, you don't put yourself into the "please save me, I'm so lost" situation, you put yourself into the "I was unable to maintain a relationship for over one and a half decade" one. That is not attractive. That shows that something is/was wrong. That you either don't care, you don't pay attention, or you have one of the thousands of repulsive attributions women just don't want to deal with. Yes, dating as a man is harder. But we live in a society where women has to be extremely careful not to get hurt (physically or emotionally), becaues there are waaay to many men out there seek to hurt them one way or another. The whole incel culture is based on a wish to "own" someone for one's own desire. Walking into this is clearly not in anyone's mind when dating, and given what kind of people becomes an incel, selling your story is just a huuuuuge red flag. No, you aren't a lost cause. You still can have a healthy and happy relationship. But you have to understand that dating isn't harder for men because men don't have relationships, dating is harder because people like you - the ones scaring women away - makes all of us look bad. You don't have to tell them that you didn't have a relationship for 15 years and you don't have to lie about it either. You were career-driven. You were studying and didn't want any distraction. You were helping out your family and simply didn't have the time for it. You never found the one you wanted to be with, so you were dating around but didn't settle yet. There are literally thousands of ways to let women know about your inexperience without making yourself repulsive to them.
by Double_Moose1 month ago
I don't see myself as these guys that are labeled incel that hate all women or blame women for their problems... if I don't have the social proof of being desired by a woman in such a long amount of time. I've literally had women LAUGH at me and ghost me the moment they find out how long I've been single.... Women would literally rather date men who have been divorced multiple times than a guy who hasn't been in a long-term relationship in a long time. Yes, you are. You are blaming women for not "confirming" that you are a great party. It's not their job to do that, it's yours.
by Double_Moose1 month ago
"I know you have to worry about getting murdered but I have to worry about getting laughed at!!" What an actually unpopular opinion. Congrats.
by Chrisjaskolski1 month ago
As a gay guy looking in from the outside I would agree with you. I get that the patriarchy exists and that a lot of women have been mistreated or down right abused by men. But the pendulum has swung from women being mistreated and abused to women expecting respect and dignity to women demanding to be worshipped like a queen. Like they think they are doing men a favor by meeting them for a first date. Straight people and their dating practices will always baffle me. Like gay guys are so simple. We meet, we probably bone on the first date, and if we do that a few times and like it then we get together more exclusively.
by Anonymous1 month ago
Lie
by AccurateTouch16001 month ago
Men die of thirst in the desert. Women die of thirst in the ocean. I'm general I agree with you. It's a very different experience to have limited to no options versus needing to pick and sort. I assume
by No_Temporary1 month ago
I am incredibly awkward when it comes to dating yeah, because I don't have much experience. If i can rarely get dates, I get super anxious because I don't know when the next time I'll get a date will be if this one doesn't work out. I can't flirt worth a damn because I don't know how, because I'm worried of getting MeToo'ed if I say the wrong thing
by ChartOk6671 month ago
Your honesty is admirable
by jacobsonalek1 month ago
if only honesty was attractive enough to be given a chance. :(
by ChartOk6671 month ago
Im 32 in the same boat as you bro. Decent job, I support myself, have lots of friends but no women are interested so I've just resigned to being single forever. I have no interest in desperately trying to impress people and beg to be given a chance.
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