Dating IS harder for men, amirite?

Dating as a man is like dying of thirst in the desert. There's no water anywhere and you can barely even imagine finding any. Dating as a woman is like dying of thirst in the middle of the ocean. There is water everywhere, but you probably don't want to drink it, and if you do it might kill you.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

i prefer the swamp analogy, because there definitely is safe water around you its just hard to find, and difficult to tell if its safe or not; whereas the ocean implies there is absolutely no safe water

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Thats a really good improvement!

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Yeah and all the while you have all these dudes like OP screaming from the desert "what are you whining about, there's water all around you!"

by Cheap-End935 6 days ago

The issue is the experiences are so different that neither side can really understand the problems the other group is facing.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

While the other side screams "There's water all around, just be normal and be able to carry on a conversation, it's not that hard".

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Im sorry, am i the only one who finds this analogy stupid? It is basically saying unlike women, most men are salty water / undatable!

by stehrmerle 6 days ago

Someone else gave the idea of a swamp instead of an ocean. So there is safe water around, but also dangerous water and crocodiles.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

The analogy is fine, except that men also have to find good water. There is no guarantee that the water in the oasis is potable.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Nice analogy

by alizewintheiser 6 days ago

Good analogy.

by Casimirortiz 6 days ago

Meh, not really because the ocean water is guaranteed to kill you if you drink too much or it. Maybe a tepid lake or something would be a better analogy.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Love this analogy.

by Top-Bag 6 days ago

EXACTLY, that's what almost every guy does wrong lol

by afton38 6 days ago

I'd wager that most guys screw up with flirting and getting women interested in more than friendship.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

this is a good advice imo

by Anonymous 6 days ago

I went on a tinder date with one of the hottest woman I've ever hung out with. We were at her air bnb and she brought up not wanting to get intimate, I told her we don't have to have sex we can just talk. Her eyes lit up like I was a freaking unicorn. Best part is I meant it. We had an amazing convo and really got to know each other. She's one of my besties now.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Sooo nothing happened…

by kiehnglen 6 days ago

I think that's called getting friendzoned

by Anonymous 6 days ago

ROFL! Guy just pointed out how he did not get laid.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

what's wrong with a friend? maybe at one point one of her friends becomes single too and she will introduce them.

by Sauerraphael 6 days ago

This works a world of wonders. Though, it needs to be balanced with sex.

by irving46 6 days ago

Something I learned at a younger age was if you actually make legit woman friends. They are the best wingman and will even toss you an alley oop here and there

by macykoepp 6 days ago

if you're into casual sex

by Anonymous 6 days ago

No it isn't because it amounts to "have female friends" Ok, do they grow on trees?

by Ila65 6 days ago

well, shockingly, there are similar amounts of men and women!! so you might actually find that if you go to public events and places and clubs, you may a woman, or multiple women, that you can charm (talk to) and convince them befriend you

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Talking to strangers is incredibly hard on its own

by Ila65 6 days ago

Nah cause then you get accused of only befriending them for sex and they'll claim all men don't really want or value friendships with women

by According-Mouse-6993 6 days ago

As someone who had a lot of female friends and dated very little, making friends with women and dating them are very different skillsets. Women by default want to be friends with guys. All you have to do is be nice, somewhat interesting and not be a creep. Getting women to want to sleep with you is very different.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

This sound like good advice, but how do you make female friends over 30? I have like 6 male friends and all of their wife's, GF's friends are already married or taken. I mean, i'm like casual friends with them (don't think my friends would appreciate it if anyone getting too firendly with their girls even if they trust me) but that don't really help.

by Tough-Operation9454 6 days ago

Nah, too much time consuming.

by Resident_Bar3719 6 days ago

May I suggest not telling any prospective date that you haven't had a relationship in such a long time. Just fake it until you make it my dude. All is fair in love and war, and fortune favors the bold.

by Legal_Cover1904 6 days ago

I've heard this advice and tried it, but they always pry, or question why I choose not to reveal

by ChartOk667 6 days ago

There are ways to say things like that without being dishonest or coming across as super secretive. I haven't had any serious relationships for awhile vs I haven't had a date in 15 years. If they ask for more information you can also just say that you've been more focused on your career or something along those lines.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

well, it's extremely rare I can get to the bedroom part. I'm lucky if I get laid once a year. I haven't had sex since before the pandemic. Think about that for a second. Covid didn't exist the last time I got laid. I don't even remember what sex feels like

by ChartOk667 6 days ago

Money caused an end to a precious relationship that i had. At least i blame it. So i spent 9 years being single and working on myself and solving that variable. Ive had a relationship for 2 years now (age 45). Sometimes you got to get your stuff together and stand on your feet first.

by reedharber 6 days ago

I think I think the problem is that we are generalizing experiences based on sex. The real groups we should be comparing are attractive vs unattractive

by Anonymous 6 days ago

true to some degree but gender actually matters a lot more in this.

by afton38 6 days ago

When you're attractive, none of this matters

by Anonymous 6 days ago

yea ur right, the thing is average women and even below average women have it about the same as an attractive men, therefore making gender matter.

by afton38 5 days ago

What balances the quality out is that most of the women are getting played. It's harder for guys to find a date, but harder for women to keep one

by Anonymous 5 days ago

That's so true ur right, very nice take. Couldn't agree more tbh.

by afton38 5 days ago

Eh, the average man believes the average woman is attractive. The average woman does not believe the average man is attractive.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

The average man would hit it and quit it. They wouldn't wife someone they consider average in their eyes

by Anonymous 5 days ago

I've seen more than enough average to bad looking women in relationships, often with men who could he argued look better than them. I've never, maybe once or twice, seen a truly unattractive man in a healthy long term relationship. Yes attractive vs. Unattractive is a thing but sexes are massively different in dating amount/quality.

by Mireya36 5 days ago

What about rich dude and ugly wife?

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Its happened, but its rare. Its really sweet when it happens honestly.

by East-Bowler 5 days ago

would YOU date an ugly and poor dude?? like no one really wants to date someone who's poor idk

by Anonymous 5 days ago

I'd date a chick who was mid and poor, yeah no problem. women don't want to date someone who is poor men don't want to date someone who is ugly. but No I would not date a dude who is poor and ugly, so you're right!

by East-Bowler 5 days ago

Not always! I've seen plenty of shows or movies where there was no focus on the guy having money or being anything particularly special other than just being a great guy. George Lopez show was basically all about that

by Anonymous 5 days ago

:)

by East-Bowler 5 days ago

Quick question… Do you talk about the 15 year issue on first or second dates? Tinder messages? If so, why? You wouldn't be telling a horrible lie by just waiting a bit before having that conversation. (Not trying to be mean, just curious)

by ReferenceShot336 5 days ago

Happily married woman chiming in here. I remember my dating days and while they were hard, I agree that it's much harder for men. With that said, I'm surprised women aren't responding positively to your 15 years of singlehood. IMO that makes you a unicorn. A baggage free, undamaged person who has no crazy exes lurking around, isn't still pining over an ex, hasn't had a fresh break up, isn't rebounding. You're like an untarnished jewel in the produce section! I hope your luck gets better.

by victoriaupton 5 days ago

If someone can't understand "I just haven't met the right person yet" then they aren't the right person for you. Just remember what sets you above the rest: you aren't damaged goods, and that is SUCH a great, rare thing for most women. Truly!

by victoriaupton 5 days ago

If you want experience you could just not mention the 15 years part or lie about it. If it's just casual and you don't want to get to know each other, it doesn't really matter.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

I've never seen a study but I've seen plenty of videos and even some TV show once that had men and women swap profiles or make opposite profiles for dating apps and showed the sheer volume of difference in numbers. And to me I was like "I mean... yeah?" I swipe right on like 70-80% of the girls I see. But I'm pretty sure tinder or bumble data showed women only "like" like 20-40% of the men they see or something? Don't quote me on this I don't remember the exact exact numbers

by Mireya36 5 days ago

A follow up of that I've read is that men and women tend to go on about the same number of dates from dating apps. So while women do get more guys trying to match with them, they don't end up on any more in-person dates. Which makes sense mathematically, but I think some guys start hearing those statistics and assume women are a lot more successful on dating apps, when it just means they have more potential matches, not actual dates.

by uoconnell 5 days ago

I get that you might get a lot of likes with a woman's profile, but does that actually translate into dating and romance? You're swiping on 80% of women. I know men who swipe right on every woman without even looking at their profile. Last time I set up Hinge I signed up and then had something come up so my profile was empty of words and had a bunch of random Facebook pictures that weren't always even of me. I got a lot of likes all of which I ignored because I am looking for someone who likes me for just any reason at all. It doesn't feel good to be with someone who is looking for literally any breathing human female for either sexual gratification or to stave off loneliness. I think that most men wouldn't be happy with a girlfriend who is super desperate and doesn't like them.

by haleynathaniel 5 days ago

I'm a feminist and I agree with OP. I wouldn't want to be a guy and single. It sounds tough.

by SalamanderFull 5 days ago

Western society is far nicer to women than men? I'm not so sure about that. Men and women struggle, and I can agree with your first point about dating difficulties. Western society has been incredibly hard on women. Men have also had significant struggles, but I'm confused where you see the imbalance considering there are significant differences in society for women as far as work, safety, and laws go. Honestly the idea that men have it much harder might be a small reason for the gap in your dating history. I'm not trying to pick on you, but it's the same victimization that you feel extreme feminists have, just reversed. To a woman, when a man expresses that they have it much harder, it feels like you're ignoring serious issues that women experience based on women being seen as the "second gender" for a long time.

by Apart-Objective-7533 5 days ago

If you talk like this to women in real life then no wonder you're getting ghosted.

by Alarmed_Ad 5 days ago

Not unpopular

by Ok_Yak_8205 5 days ago

GETTING a date may be harder for men. SURVIVING a date is harder for women.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Surviving a date as in not getting killed? I guess that's technically true, mathamatically 99.999999% is a bigger number than 99.99999%

by Anonymous 5 days ago

And this is why men lie to women about past "experience".

by Anonymous 5 days ago

No, and I say this as a man, your argument is pretty bad too. I would say getting a date as a man is harder sure! Actual dating is similar.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

It's harder on your wallet, I'll tell you that much.

by Low_Assignment 5 days ago

Finding a quality partner as a woman is so difficult I've given up dating. Not to mention being worried about predators and abusers. It's easier to get some quick mediocre sex but it isn't easier to find a partner.

by Remote-Geologist-510 5 days ago

I like how quickly you dismissed the fact women have to fear for their safety from crazy people, so you could explain how women being uninterested in pursuing a relationship is actually worse/harder. I mean, LOL man.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

That's a given

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Don't tell them 🤷🏻‍♀️

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Grow a moustache and put spokey dokes on your bike. Ladies love moustaches and spokey dokes. Also, make karate sounds whenever possible.

by ReplacementScary7552 5 days ago

Why in the world do people you're dating know your dating history or how long you've been single? That's a stupid thing for you to share lol

by Traditional-Lead4207 5 days ago

they always ask me? Idk why, but the few dates I've been on have always asked when my last relationship was, and I'm not going to start a potential relationship off with a lie

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

You could come to the conclusion that it's harder for women, because men don't want women with experience

by NoSense 5 days ago

I appreciate the tips and advice, truly! Thank you. I've spent the better part of the past decade just focusing on myself and valuing my time and not being super available, but it's never gotten me any women. I always read stuff like staying busy and focusing on your own work and aspirations etc will inevitable attract women into your life, but that's never been my case. I've never had women approach me. And I don't know how to approach women without coming off like some inexperienced fool. I've hired multiple dating coaches and they always tell me to just approach lots of women, but that's opposite advice of focusing on my own career or aspirations or work or whatever. Not to mention, it's exhausting for an introvert to just randomly go up to people just for the sake of making approaches. All of this lack of skill with women has just compounded over time into being bitter and jealous of my friends around me who never had to go through what I have, have never had to hire dating coaches, have never had to approach women, etc. I know there's the saying "get better, not bitter" but it's easier said than done when you've been in my position as long as I have. It just feels like even if I make myself a mystery, my inexperience comes through with my actions.

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

how do you know how hard it is for women? also you dont need experience to not be a socially inept bro this just seems like a thing you use to justify not having any success. reads more like an incel rant rather than a valid logical opinion

by Anonymous 5 days ago

did you not read the part where I've had multiple women tell me they wouldn't date me because of my inexperience?

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

The trick is to lie. Its stupid, and everyone says they want honesty, but if everyone was honest, everyone would also be single. When you meet a woman, tell her you just broke up with your girlfriend of 6 months. Sort of like lying on your resume, when everyone else is doing it, you have to as well to stay competitive.

by Miserable_Water7696 5 days ago

True, but likely unpopular.

by East-Bowler 5 days ago

It's giving incel. Did you ever consider it's because you're unemployed and living with your parents at 36?

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Incels gonna incel.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

As a gay man who doesn't have a stake in this, you're 100% right and anyone thinking otherwise is delusional.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

There are plenty of men who wouldn't want to date a woman who hasn't been in a relationship for 15 years. People consider past relationships a pre-approval, and assume if you haven't been in one there must be something wrong with you. You personally don't care, but that's not really gender specific. Everything you've said about yourself can apply to women who haven't dated in 15 years.

by uoconnell 5 days ago

I feel most men would prefer a woman with little experience

by Anonymous 5 days ago

I personally have my doubts, but there aren't facts and figures for these things and no way to prove or disprove. I know with women it's been shown that being in a relationship with another person piques their interest and sometimes even a ring means a guy is pre approved. I've never heard anything like that for guys interest. As a guy I've never even considered how long a girl has been single. I wouldn't even really think to ask how long they've been single or definitely not right away. Its not something I've ever heard a guy be concerned about. Only thing I would be curious about is stuff like whether they were healthy relationships or not

by Glum-Emu 5 days ago

I know with women it's been shown that being in a relationship with another person piques their interest and sometimes even a ring means a guy is pre approved. Only for certain type of women If a man it's taken, it's taken.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Yeah my point wasn't that all woman love a man with a ring.. more that pre approval can be a thing with women. Sometimes it's just seen with another girl. Thankfully most people in general have the decency to respect the ring

by Glum-Emu 5 days ago

Very true, I once had a crush on a teacher's assistant until I realized he was wearing a ring. It went from me giggling nervous around him to me not caring at all in half a second. I can't speak for all women, but I have no interest in guys who are in committed relationships.

by uoconnell 5 days ago

This is far from a scientific example, but I've watched a lot of Love Island UK. A not uncommon trope is for a girl to get rejected once, and then have a terrible time getting anyone's interest for the rest of her time on the show. People will ask why, since she's usually attractive and liked by fans, and the response is typically that once she gets rejected by the first guy it sends out a message that she's not a good person to pursue. Again, not scientific at all. It's a heavily produced dating show. Anecdotal evidence is also not scientific. I personally wouldn't care that much about a guy's lack of dating history, as long as he was honest about it. I just think it's ultimately unproductive to make this a men vs. women thing.

by uoconnell 5 days ago

Remember that video where 1 man walks into a room and a group of women have to decide if they want to continue playing this "dating game", and 9 out of 10 women walk out inmediately just because.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Dating for you is hard. Not all men have this issue.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

No, but I think what OP means is that on average, dating is harder for man than it is for woman.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Most men have this issue.

by bruenshane 5 days ago

Ever tried dating APP, mister 10 out of 10?

by Jealous_Occasion 5 days ago

sure, but it's way harder for the average (or I guess in my case, less than average) man than it is for the average or less than average woman.

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

Thanks, I appreciate the advice

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

If you're young (20s) and you have a boat things get a lot easier.

by East-Bowler 5 days ago

Man I'm 29 I'm running out of time to get that boat :/

by uoconnell 5 days ago

I've had women into me until I reveal my lack of dating history, so this isn't entirely true. It's like they start to question why he's been single and assume the worst, instead of trying to find out WHY

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

I can't argue with your personal experiences, I don't know you and wasn't on your dates. But I can say that your personal, anecdotal experiences don't apply to 100% of men and women.

by uoconnell 5 days ago

Something tells me it's more about the WAY you talk about your dating history OP...

by Cheap-End935 5 days ago

I've literally said the exact advice people here have told me like "well I didn't really date much when I was younger, I was more focused on my career and just never really dated much, but I'm excited to get out there and try dating now!" This has been met with the ghosting and laughing, and the rarer occasion of letting me down nicely

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

OP is talking about straight men.

by IntentionMission 5 days ago

I feel like this opinion is only unpopular amongst women. As most women struggle with making good dating choices, while most men struggle to get any dates at all.

by Santinostehr 5 days ago

True

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Women learn to tell a friend, or family member the details of a date. We use Life 360 to track each other… and it's harder for men? Excuse me?

by Anonymous 5 days ago

It's harder to actually get a date as a man is more accurate. The actual process of dating, once you have found a partner, is harder for women as there is the lingering threat of harm.

by Nfadel 5 days ago

There are more men on dating apps then there are women. Of course the stats are going to be skewed.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Why? I don't get it, how did you come to this conclusion about op?

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Not every man who are bad at dating are bad people. You can just be unsexy, ugly, anxious, shy, depressed, poor or literally anything that makes your dating life harder like that.

by Puzzled-Rule 5 days ago

I never said if you are bad at dating, then you must be a bad person; I am saying that he is bad at dating, because he has a bad personality. I agree, if a person has 1 or more of that qualities, dating life will be harder; but it's not exclusive to men.

by zellaberge 5 days ago

It really is, if rule #1 doesn't apply.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Is this even an unpopular opinion?

by ariellekling 5 days ago

I think you have to consider the fact that; like 50% of men are just awful, as a bisexual man I can say that, every message I get from a dude is either "I want to rail you" or "I want you to rail me."

by osinskijunius 5 days ago

Right, look at it this way: If you go to a job interview and tell the interviewer that you've been unemployed in the past 15 years, don't be surprised if you don't get hired, UNLESS you possess something unique or very valuable to that place. The same goes for dating. Work is a professional relationship, dating is an intimate one. If you tell someone that you haven't had a relationship for 15 years, you don't put yourself into the "please save me, I'm so lost" situation, you put yourself into the "I was unable to maintain a relationship for over one and a half decade" one. That is not attractive. That shows that something is/was wrong. That you either don't care, you don't pay attention, or you have one of the thousands of repulsive attributions women just don't want to deal with. Yes, dating as a man is harder. But we live in a society where women has to be extremely careful not to get hurt (physically or emotionally), becaues there are waaay to many men out there seek to hurt them one way or another. The whole incel culture is based on a wish to "own" someone for one's own desire. Walking into this is clearly not in anyone's mind when dating, and given what kind of people becomes an incel, selling your story is just a huuuuuge red flag. No, you aren't a lost cause. You still can have a healthy and happy relationship. But you have to understand that dating isn't harder for men because men don't have relationships, dating is harder because people like you - the ones scaring women away - makes all of us look bad. You don't have to tell them that you didn't have a relationship for 15 years and you don't have to lie about it either. You were career-driven. You were studying and didn't want any distraction. You were helping out your family and simply didn't have the time for it. You never found the one you wanted to be with, so you were dating around but didn't settle yet. There are literally thousands of ways to let women know about your inexperience without making yourself repulsive to them.

by Double_Moose 5 days ago

I don't see myself as these guys that are labeled incel that hate all women or blame women for their problems... if I don't have the social proof of being desired by a woman in such a long amount of time. I've literally had women LAUGH at me and ghost me the moment they find out how long I've been single.... Women would literally rather date men who have been divorced multiple times than a guy who hasn't been in a long-term relationship in a long time. Yes, you are. You are blaming women for not "confirming" that you are a great party. It's not their job to do that, it's yours.

by Double_Moose 5 days ago

"I know you have to worry about getting murdered but I have to worry about getting laughed at!!" What an actually unpopular opinion. Congrats.

by Chrisjaskolski 5 days ago

As a gay guy looking in from the outside I would agree with you. I get that the patriarchy exists and that a lot of women have been mistreated or down right abused by men. But the pendulum has swung from women being mistreated and abused to women expecting respect and dignity to women demanding to be worshipped like a queen. Like they think they are doing men a favor by meeting them for a first date. Straight people and their dating practices will always baffle me. Like gay guys are so simple. We meet, we probably bone on the first date, and if we do that a few times and like it then we get together more exclusively.

by Anonymous 5 days ago

Lie

by AccurateTouch1600 5 days ago

Men die of thirst in the desert. Women die of thirst in the ocean. I'm general I agree with you. It's a very different experience to have limited to no options versus needing to pick and sort. I assume

by No_Temporary 5 days ago

I am incredibly awkward when it comes to dating yeah, because I don't have much experience. If i can rarely get dates, I get super anxious because I don't know when the next time I'll get a date will be if this one doesn't work out. I can't flirt worth a damn because I don't know how, because I'm worried of getting MeToo'ed if I say the wrong thing

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

Your honesty is admirable

by jacobsonalek 5 days ago

if only honesty was attractive enough to be given a chance. :(

by ChartOk667 5 days ago

Im 32 in the same boat as you bro. Decent job, I support myself, have lots of friends but no women are interested so I've just resigned to being single forever. I have no interest in desperately trying to impress people and beg to be given a chance.

by jacobsonalek 5 days ago

water is wet lmao

by Gloomy_Wheel7435 5 days ago