Not many people can do this though, not many people are able to be objective and discuss issues in such a way. The majority of people do see things mostly from their point of view and the way they convey arguments they have had with their partner would reflect that.

by jarrodpurdy 5 months ago

I know many people that can do it, I know many people that can't. I think it has to do with maturity. If you cannot look outside yourself when faced with problems then you'll have a hard time coming. Not to mention abusive relationships when outside perspective can be a major factor to understand that.

by Anonymous 5 months ago

It's alright to vent about a relationship, but it's important not to speak badly about your partner because it only serves to make yourself look bad

by Zachariah62 5 months ago

Also venting is an earned privilege with friends. And should not happen every time you see each other.

by Anonymous 5 months ago

I completely agree. Write in your journal, get a therapist. No matter how understanding your friends are, they will not forget, they will hold it against your spouse. I had a time period when I was going through it with my husband. I told my friend about our struggles. Things between my husband and I got better- blissful even. That was years ago. Recently, she called me venting about her husband and is thinking about divorce. She laughed and said that she had never changed my last name in her phone once I got married. I laughed and said, I think you can change it now. We're not going anywhere. She laughed and was like...no, I don't think I will. I was like, why? She goes, "The way things are going in life lately, I think it will be a waste of time. I'll just end up changing it back later." It pissed me off at the time. But then I realized it's because she is holding the past against him to an extend and has this image in her mind of what our relationship is like. It's not really her fault, it's mine. You shouldn't talk to your friends or family about relationship issues- maybe abuse would be an exception. Get a therapist.

by Anonymous 5 months ago

I think the problem comes from only bringing up your relationship when it's because you want to vent. If you speak positively about your relationship as often (or ideally, more often) as you speak negatively to vent, you should be able to maintain a more fair image of your partner in the minds of your friends.

by herman81 5 months ago

I agree, as someone who's been in a relationship where nothing was secret. My ex told all his friends about a major fight we had before they'd even had a chance to meet me. They tried to convince him to leave me. Imagine how blindsided I was when I had to beg him to let me meet them at some point and his excuse was "we wouldn't get along".

by Anonymous 5 months ago