Pretending to Care is One of the Hardest Things to Do, amirite?

I used to think I was good at this but I'm told my face makes it obvious I'm not interested

by Williamsonpatsy 4 months ago

Yeah, I keep a very good poker or slightly smiling face while trying to pretend to care about something, but I'm usually laughing/expressive, so it makes it pretty obvious😭. I didn't realize this until my father pointed it out one day.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I've dropped all pretence.

by Williamsonpatsy 4 months ago

In general you're actually not supposed to pretend to care about anything. However, with people like friends and family, you're supposed to care about the person —and as such, care about the fact that they care about what they're talking about. People don't speak with you for your sake, they do it because they want to share something with you. If you care about them enough, you shouldn't have to pretend to care about what they're saying. Obviosuly this isn't a be-all-and-end-all rule, and it's more nuanced than this, but I've had to explain this to someone who couldn't fathom why someone was annoyed at them for saying "I really don't actually care" while they were talking about their day.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I agree on the friend/family thing, but my colleague telling me about her baking on the weekend? F no, I legit dont give a rats ass about that

by Key_Green_1823 4 months ago

Well some conversation is just friendly small talk, I'd love to hear about someone's baking over the weekend even if they weren't a freind you can engage in a nice conversation about something that dosent necessarily interest you. It's just being a friendly person imo but to each their own

by Spiritual_Fail 4 months ago

In which case you don't care about the person, and have no obligation to care about their conversation. That being said, there is a token period of time during small talk where I'd consider it polite to humor their conversation.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I agree to an extent. Sometimes I disassociate and have no idea what they say after thinking about different things in my mind.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Me. Im really good at that and once I realize I've ignored everything they've said I'll either say "hmmm" or "interesting" and then walk away.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I care. But sometimes people just take so freaking long to tell you something. What you're telling me could be said in a single sentence and instead you are spouting off a monologue the length of Macbeth.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

true. its really hard to pretend youre interested in conversations youre not

by Lumpy-Breath9767 4 months ago

Good idea! Any hot tips for this? I'm not great socially.

by Alarmed_Sprinkles428 4 months ago

Why are you spending so much time with Star Wars obsessed children?

by OkOpinion6776 4 months ago

Omg… my friends' kids, my nephews, there's so many of them in my life right now… and it's sooooo important to them

by Alarmed_Sprinkles428 4 months ago

Actually caring is arguably harder than pretending to care

by Anonymous 4 months ago

i have that same issue, I really don't care for most people's stories, but I have to try to be polite. but when someone is telling me their same story for the 10th day in a row, I wonder what safeish way i can give myself hearing issues.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I do care though if I am interested in the person, I am interested in what they want to share with me. It doesn't cost anything to be patient. Just give the other person a few minutes of your time. What else are you going to do with it, doom scroll through the travesty Musk is making of our checks & balances?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

It doesn't cost anything to be patient. Just give the other person a few minutes of your time. I disagree with this statement whole heartedly. It costs everything to be patient sometimes, especially when your own mind is buzzing 24/7 with problems - your own, your friends's or family's, issues at work and whatever else. Sometimes you just don't have the mental space for empty convos.

by Key_Green_1823 4 months ago

Hahaha, yessss this is very well versed!

by Key_Green_1823 4 months ago

Most people generally don't mind because they actually care about the other person's feelings. Some people like you unfortunately don't have that natural empathy so it makes it way more difficult

by Mcculloughediso 4 months ago

Not being a smart ass, but is that honestly it… am I a sociopath or something?

by Alarmed_Sprinkles428 4 months ago

Are you an introvert or neurodivergent? I know many people who are introverted and/or neurodivergent and they get very drained by small talk and ongoing socializing. Not everyone likes small talk or one-sided conversations and that's okay.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

I'm probably on the spectrum

by Alarmed_Sprinkles428 4 months ago

Nah I don't think sociopath. Are you on the spectrum at all? People with ASD can't stand small talk and some can't stand kids

by Mcculloughediso 4 months ago

Probably on the spectrum. Currently looking into it with a psychiatrist.

by Alarmed_Sprinkles428 4 months ago

No, just a dick.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Why so rude?

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Was it that rude? Maybe I'm the type of person I'm talking about 😂

by Mcculloughediso 4 months ago

It was 😂 You made a pretty significant (and very negative) assumption about OP's character based on them not liking one-sided conversations.

by Anonymous 4 months ago

It was a bit straightforward, I wouldn't call it rude :D But it is an assumption, yes.

by Key_Green_1823 4 months ago

It's hard but honestly one of the best improvements I've made to my life is starting to genuinely care about other people. It's so much nicer to have conversations when you approach it with the mindset of "I'm sure this person has something valuable to say to me, and I want to find out what it is."

by Anonymous 4 months ago

Pretending is a social necessity, or at least it is if one cares about being a polite, respectful member of society. It shows that you value the overall social code of conduct by pretending when necessary for polite purposes. But I also share your difficulty in doing it nonetheless, mainly because, well, it's so fake and phony. I sort of cringe a little bit inside whenever I feel compelled to break out my "I'm just trying to be polite/friendly/conventional face," because it so often deviates from what I actually feel like saying or doing in a given situation. It's a cognitive dissonance situation. Also, I'm extremely introverted and introspective, which means that I'm overly aware of whenever I'm putting on a face, to the point that the awareness becomes almost painful. But I do it anyways, because I don't want people to think that I'm some rude, boorish jerk (even if perhaps I have some of those tendencies at times). I choose to instead construct a socially acceptable social user interface (phony or not).

by Spencertrycia 4 months ago

You don't have kids do you? :)

by Anonymous 4 months ago

its not hard to pretend to care

by Anonymous 4 months ago