I genuinely dislike the term bonus child. Why is that a thing?

by Fine_Score_9854 6 days ago

I personally think it sounds more inclusive than step child, I do not refer to my own kids that way in real life lol but I think it's a cute alternative!

by Anonymous 6 days ago

It is not.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

I'm curious why? Genuinely, not sarcastically. Tell me what is wrong with it? maybe it's been used in an insulting way before that I'm unaware of, any time I've personally heard or seen it used it wasn't in any weird way or anything I viewed as offensive to either that child or any parents. so maybe I'm ignorant to why people are pressed about the term. Or is it just an ick term that someone dosent like hearing (understandable if so, I cannot stand the word preggers or prego when talking about pregnancy, but others think it's the cutest thing ever to say lol)

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Because they are a "bonus child" only from your perspective. In reality, they are someone else's actual child. Calling them a bonus child acknowledges only your perspective of them, which is as a child who does not belong to you. It's isn't inclusive. The word "bonus" connotes something that is extra. Calling them a step-child at least acknowledges the formal relationship between you and the child. If my step-father called me a "bonus child," I would be unable to unhear the various ways that term underlines that I am not his actual child.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

The word "bonus" connotes something that is extra. ^ "bonus" tends to be something you could live without, but is just nice to have. It feels a bit like saying, "yeah, I love you, but you were just an add-on later."

by homenickhowell 6 days ago

As luck would have it, most other people will feel the exact same way about you and your kids.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

And that's perfectly fine 😊 i wouldn't expect someone who really doesn't want to be a step parent one day to approach me with any intention of wanting something serious or long term.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

I'm the same, I'm not a parent but I'm dead set on not being a stepmom. Full custody, shared custody, I genuinely want no part. I don't have the bandwidth for the drama and I don't have it in me to be a part of an innocent child's life with no guarantee. Relationships break down everyday and I don't think I could live with myself if a child was caught in the crossfire. I know how much it sucked when my toxic parents got divorced and that relationship was doomed from the start so I could only imagine how it would feel to have a revolving door of "friends" who you get attached to and then they leave.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

When you truly love a person, you accept them with all their conditions. I've been dating a woman who has a child for a few months now, and it's not a problem. Obviously, the relationship develops differently if she's not a mother, but it's not bad, just different. Everyone I know who shares your opinion is simply afraid or feels some kind of stigma about dating a woman with children. It's not a question of standards.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

As a man, if the kids dad is still involved it just feels like potential unnecessary drama. Though I imagine the age of the kid and yourselves is also a factor Been with my missus 13 years, she had a 1 year old when we met who I've since adopted. I'd have never pursued the relationship if there was a dad still heavily involved because I was 20 at the time and didn't want to deal with those kind of problems

by Anonymous 6 days ago