It's not always bad to be a second choice in dating, amirite?

Because a second choice is sometimes that third party perspective of witnessing what you couldve dodged in the long run. I also don't recommend being second choice either

by Anonymous 6 days ago

I for sure get what you're saying

by Anonymous 6 days ago

That still entirely centers the person who did the initial rejection. You have zero concern for the dignity of the other party. Your only real pitch for doing it is "Well this time they'll say yes" with no acknowledgement for the actual emotions they felt the first time around.

by ryley94 6 days ago

That's still stupid, because in your ideal scenario your rejection requires him to get therapy to get over and for you to do and say nothing. People don't need therapy for being rejected, generally speaking. They need people who prioritize them. The idea that someone needs psychological help to ignore you very obviously not doing that is why nobody should consider it with you specifically regardless of any other scenario.

by ryley94 6 days ago

That's not what they said. They described the rejector as having gotten therapy for their attachment issues, not for being rejected. They're the rejector, not the rejected. I agree that this whole concept is pretty stupid though. Thankfully I now have enough self-esteem to never allow myself to be a second choice. Fuuuuuck that.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Lol you lost me at Dhar Mann the con artist.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

i am 25 so maybe my perspective will change as i get older. right now im in the position of like i wouldnt want a hold a grudge against a guy who rejected me if he changed his mind

by Top-Point 6 days ago

Unless they got denied and the looped back to you how do you know you're the second choice?

by quentin55 6 days ago

My example is if you got turned down years ago, they dated someone else, and then later on they developed feelings for you as your friendship progresses. Like Jim and Pam type thing

by Top-Point 6 days ago

Is that a second choice or just moving on?

by quentin55 6 days ago

Shouldn't date someone who wanted to try things out with someone else instead of you. If things didn't work out with the other person, it shows they have poor mate selection skills.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

That's just not true lol. Tons of relationships don't work out for tons of reasons, and those reasons aren't always immediately evident. Sometimes someone on paper sounds better than they actually are in theory and practice. Not to mention why would their mate selecting skills matter to me? That's not a skill that generally gets any practice while in relationships unless they are a cheater or it's a poly relationship

by Anonymous 6 days ago

I think the only time this works (and it's rare) is when someone is so insecure or unconfident in themselves that you're "second choice" because they think you're out of their league, so they keep dating the person they think is more their speed. But that could be argued you're still their first choice, they just don't think they're good enough to get you.

by Anonymous 6 days ago

Yeah I was thinking about self esteem issues being a part of it as well.

by Top-Point 6 days ago

In most of the cases people only do that when they've completely lost all hope and self respect, thus making all parties involved second choices after all else failed.

by Effective-Mango2436 6 days ago

you're so right about society treating rejection as a normal reason to go on a weird revenge mission. why are people like that?

by Anonymous 6 days ago