A wedding shouldn't be the first step of marriage, amirite?

i.... what? what do you think dating is? being in a relationship? engagement?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Maybe op is one of those people that think you should marry after 1 year of relationship..

by ellsworthkirlin 2 days ago

Yes, you shouldn't lie or hide things from each other and that was the problem you faced not the debt itself. But the fact that you're referring to people who are supposed to be partners as "dominant" and "non-dominant" just tells me you already went into the marriage with a very unhealthy and skewed perspective which helped fuel its end.

by Horror_Percentage755 2 days ago

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with marriage. But as someone who married someone with a decently lower income, there was no power shift. Because we had a healthy relationship before marriage too.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I mean... That's why people are in a relationship before getting married, isn't it? Once you've established you have a strong relationship, THEN you get married. That some people get married within a year or two though... That's an entirely different matter, and extremely weird and unhealthy IMO.

by colenadia 2 days ago

According to OP, the 7 years my husband and I dated before we got married wasn't good enough to have our super cheap wedding?!?!?! Does this mean we get a bigger party now because we've been married for 12 years??? YAY! Looks like I'm planning a big ass party. not really because I don't like big social events

by Mazie11 2 days ago

Unhealthy people will have problems no matter how long they wait. Healthy people will be fine even if they marry the day after they meet. Now healthy people tend to wait longer. And one could say how do you know who is healthy without getting to know each other. But it's wild to me that you don't think two healthy people can't figure that out about each other within a year or two.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Healthy people also have needs that have to be met. How would you know in 1 day a person could meet your needs?

by Taliamosciski 2 days ago

This sounds rather specific what needs are we talking about? The one day was clearly exaggerative to make the point that healthy people will be healthy in a relationship no matter how long they've been together. It's not the length of time it's people. Obviously they need more than a day to find each other.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Many. Sexual, emotional. Being on the same opinion on finances etc... Not necessarily just needs but preferences etc.

by Taliamosciski 2 days ago

Yep how long do you think it really takes to learn these things? I think you take two healthy mature people and put them together they will find ways to work together and compromise and they'll be mature and responsible enough to be close enough on most major issues that you won't have a problem.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yeah, I think it's crazy to think that you can learn enough about a person to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them, within a year or two. I think that's absolutely crazy. I could MAYBE see the rhyme and reason behind 2 years - 1 year figuring out if you like each other enough to live together, and then another year figuring out if you're actually compatible living together. Less than that, and I think a successful marriage is more down to luck (or social expectations), than anything else.

by colenadia 2 days ago

I can't imagine not knowing if you like someone that much and staying with them a year or two

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Also it's not that people are compatible living together. It's whether or not two people are willing to compromise. The biggest problems and relationships and I think it's exacerbated as people wait until later in life and they're more stuck in the ways. Is people try and bring two separate lives together and make them exist in the same space rather than two individuals compromising and changing and becoming one. At least in goals and purpose

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I met my wife in June, started dating about a week later, and we were engaged that Christmas. We got married a year and a half later. Sometimes it works out that way. I also dated a girl for years and I'm so glad that it ended.

by Such-Flight 2 days ago

Sometimes you just know. Not every couple needs half a decade or more to know if it's going to work.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

A wedding should be earned. Great idea! THEY SHOULD HAVE TO BE TOGETHER FOR A FEW YEARS PRIOR TO THE WEDDING AND MARRIAGE!"!!!! Why did nobody think of this!?

by Antonettarippin 2 days ago

I have an even crazier idea; what if people met other people, tried getting to know them in a non-serious way, then when you find someone you like you become exclusive with them and spend more and more time together to see if you're truly compatible. People could even try moving in together to trial run living together before getting married. Then finally after a few years together couples could decide to get married and have a wedding to celebrate making an official life-long commitment, once they've been together for a while and know they're compatible for marriage. I think we could really revolutionize the dating world with this idea. You're onto something.

by Jaquelin95 2 days ago

Don't people today get married after a number of years of dating? So by then, why not have an unforgettable wedding day, if they have the means for it.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

People already do that, it's called an anniversary.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

The issue is that wedding receptions have become wildly overblown. They should be one of a reasonable number of parties thrown for family and friends to celebrate a special occasion, not a years salary blown in one shot once in your life.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

It's a time of celebration. I think celebrating (within limits) is always a great idea.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Marry your best friend

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Depends on how long they are in it already.

by Alert-Leading 2 days ago

This is what my partner and I are going to do. We're gonna get married within a month and then have a wedding later down the line. We're pretty young (20 & 21) so I wanna wait till we can afford a big beautiful wedding rather than have one we can afford now, which isn't much.

by Different_Ebb 2 days ago

Weddings also don't need to cost thousands of dollars. Technically a marriage licence is like $100.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Congratulations, you just described a relationship.

by Sipesgriffin 2 days ago

Have a wedding 5-10 years into your marriage. what does this even mean? lol

by Anonymous 2 days ago

You dont have to spend thousands of dollars or stress. If you choose to be extravagant that's on you

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Don't get divorced

by Economy_Nerve6680 2 days ago

A wedding should be earned? I get it. Like the way a person earns a birthday party or something. So instead of the wedding being arbitrarily designated to celebrate that milestone (marriage), it celebrates another unspecified length of time (or 'anniversary' as it's known in my country).

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Arranged marriages are like what OP opposes, but not most Westernized countries culture of dating. Dating is earning it.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

What should the first step be then?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Dumb.

by Educational_Top 2 days ago

Well it isn't is it numbnuts?

by ludwigkub 2 days ago

That's crazy talk.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I disagree, but I find this reasonable. Eta: I wouldn't necessarily say it's the first step to marriage either, but sure

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I'm doing exactly that actually so not sure how unpopular you're being or if I'm just weird.

by Critical-Bandicoot87 1 day ago

Totally agree. We did a courthouse thing first, then had a small wedding on our 10th anniversary. Way less stress, way more meaning.

by Anonymous 1 day ago