+65 Most people who say "I'd never cheat" have never actually been tempted. amirite?

by Anonymous 15 hours ago

i can see where you're coming from, but I would argue there's a lot of people who have never been in that situation because they've never put themself there. if you're that lacking of affection and connection in your own relationship then many people would just break up already.

by Anonymous 15 hours ago

100% well put. Just leave before it gets to that point.

by Wonderful_Ease6582 15 hours ago

Not putting yourself in situations like that comes from experience. Maybe you were too nice in your early twenties and got some unwanted attention, you got into situations where you realized it shouldn't have gone even that far. This happened to me even when I wasn't in a bad place. Now I apply a thick layer of caution. Some behaviours encourage people who might want something from you, and then they catch you as you break down and disaster happens. I managed to avoid that luckily. But if I wasn't in those situations where I could have taken it too far I wouldn't know how to defend against it.

by Anonymous 15 hours ago

I also think some people have much lower needs for affection, sex, praise, whatever and hold loyalty to a much higher importance. I think those people whether they break up or not are less likely to find themselves thinking about it.

by LongjumpingListen 14 hours ago

Definitely this. I'm in camp "I'll never cheat" and if my relationship is going that badly, I'm getting no affection and I'm drunk and lonely with someone whose hitting on me something went terribly wrong quite a few steps back.

by Anonymous 14 hours ago

OP means the opposite sex flirting and throwing themselves at them. At work if one looks good...it's going to happen several times

by Anonymous 14 hours ago

his rationale was also about wanting to cheat & give into that because you feel lonely and deprived of affection in your relationship. what you're describing (having the opportunity and perhaps the desire to cheat even if your relationship was happy) sounds like a different issue.

by Anonymous 14 hours ago

Oh well guilty I skimmed

by Anonymous 14 hours ago

bruh

by Anonymous 13 hours ago

Which is why you often see famous celebrities and politician are the ones who often cheat, it's just a game of probability (other than they are watched by Hawks) As Beckett from castle put it. "It's not that deep, It's just simple math. They have more opportunity." "Well, what are you saying, Men are just dogs?" "No. The greater the opportunity, the greater the likelihood. Which means you two are just fine."

by Any-Contact 13 hours ago

if you are the type of person who gets attention, you don't need to put yourself in those situations for temptation to happen. It comes to you.

by Anonymous 13 hours ago

part of OP's argument was not just about getting the attention, but also specifically about giving in because you feel unhappy and deprived of affection in your own relationship. if you're in a HAPPY relationship and you still feeling the urge to cheat then you have a different problem than what OP is describing.

by Anonymous 12 hours ago

Came here to say exactly this. I have had plenty of opportunities to put myself in a position where cheating would be tempting. At university especially I actively chose several times to not put myself in that position even though there were several people showing clear interest to different extents. Like if you are starting to crush on someone you can't just let it go on and progress to a point where you would consider cheating. I am not saying there might not be any situation where things are different but overall it is your choices that put you in a position where cheating becomes a real option.

by Sea-Distribution7487 12 hours ago

It's easy to say you'd never cheat when no one has ever made you feel wanted in a way you haven't felt in years. It's easy when you haven't gone through months without affection or connection in your relationship. It's easy when you've never been lonely, maybe drunk, and around someone who's giving you exactly what you're missing. Wouldn't that make you want to leave instead of cheat?

by Anonymous 12 hours ago

Yes, but leaving isn't always easy. If you're in a decade+ marriage and have kids, you can't really just get a divorce with the snap of a finger, most people in those circumstances will agree, this leads to mistakes being made instead of ending it at an appropriate time.

by macejkovicberna 12 hours ago

You don't just go contact. You have a conversation with ur spouse lol. This is an excuse to cheat, most people who do it out of temptation hide it and lie for as long as they can, or continue to have flings.

by Anonymous 12 hours ago

Talking can't always solve everything. Agree obviously break up rather than cheat, but lots of people get stuck in precarious or dangerous situations, and no amount of talking can fix the relationship.

by LongjumpingListen 11 hours ago

This. If you're in a dangerous situation why would you feel safe enough to cheat but not leave?

by Wisokydesiree 11 hours ago

Exactly! Im not even saying the abusive partner doesn't deserve to get cheated on and be hurt, it's just a really silly situation to put on here because this would be more dangerous. Such an ignorant thing to say

by Anonymous 11 hours ago

you can't really just get a divorce with the snap of a finger Does that mean you just resign yourself to the situation indefinitely? "I'm miserable, but changing would take effort - oh well, it is what it is" is not an attitude I'd want to take with my life. You can just separate and let the legalities follow. Figure it the hell out. Don't make your clueless partner think everything is OK. Don't push the blame onto your children. It's not the middle ages; if they're in kindergarten, they've heard of divorce, I promise.

by LetterheadAbject9694 11 hours ago

But that would require open communication with someone you're not on good terms with!

by Cultural_Might_9196 11 hours ago

They're risk averse but still risk cheating…

by Wisokydesiree 10 hours ago

Its usually a "frog boiled alive" situation where every next little step doesnt feel as risky individually

by Anonymous 10 hours ago

It genuinely just sounds like someone who wants to justify cheating

by Wisokydesiree 10 hours ago

Yeah but in that scenario, you've got to be a little unhinged to think cheating isn't going to make everything a lot worse.

by Anonymous 10 hours ago

Exactly! If you're not happy then it's time to change, change the way you approach the situation, have those hard conversations and if those are going no where change your relationship status. Change is hard and scary, but if you want your life your to get better you don't have a choice.

by Anonymous 9 hours ago

L hostility

by Anonymous 9 hours ago

Damn! I'm hurt and I ain't even wrote this😭

by Saul11 9 hours ago

Hit a bit too close to home eh?

by Tannerraynor 8 hours ago

A moral person knows they shouldn't cheat on their significant other. An ethical person would never cheat.

by Anonymous 8 hours ago

You got it exactly the other way around.

by Franz09 8 hours ago

Ethics is a field, being more ethical is just a type of analysis.

by Anonymous 8 hours ago

Almost there

by Few_Performer 8 hours ago

This just sound smart but really isn't

by ConstructionShot 8 hours ago

Here is the problem with your argument: "It's easy when you haven't gone through months without affection or connection in your relationship" The kind of people who says, "I would never cheat" and mean it are the kind of people who would never let your statement happen. If you are going without affection or connection in your relationship for days, much less months, you talk to your partner and work out what the problem is. If it can't be worked out you break up. No cheating ever possibly involved because the problem was addressed way before it would ever potentially reach that point; it's pretty simple.

by Anonymous 7 hours ago

That's a pretty idealistic view. Not everyone has the option or strength to just leave,financial ties, kids, cultural pressure, or emotional abuse trap people in toxic relationships. Cheating isn't justified, but ignoring these realities makes you sound disconnected from how messy real life actually is.

by Anonymous 7 hours ago

Sounds like you're a cheater. You don't have the strength to ruin your marriage but you have the strength to damage it even more and hurt the person you're with. These are all selfish reasons and someone being too much of a coward to say they don't want this relationship anymore. The reality is that cheating is a choice, and causes messier consequences.

by Anonymous 7 hours ago

I feel like it's either they're a cheater or trying to justify someone who is. They keep saying cheating is wrong but then give a bunch of excuses

by Wisokydesiree 7 hours ago

Yeah and them saying they'll stay with a partner they don't want to be with because of financial reasons yet they will cheat is super messed up. You want to chest on your partner while still having them support you financially? That's so messed up. Or using kids or cultural as an excuse? So your culture says breaking up is bad but cheating is ok? Come on, op.

by Wisokydesiree 7 hours ago

Cheating is already selfish, and if that's not selfish enough they stay with the person for financial reason or the kids or whatever, like no that is not a good reason that is you avoiding having to tell this person what you did. Why not let them know so they can go cheat as well?? Instead of letting them think they are still in a committed relationship.. I personally do not want anyone to stay with me for selfish reasons like that and I'd rather find out and leave. How do you have the balls to cheat but not to have a hard convo. It's much easier to have a convo with ur kids about how you're getting divorced because it didn't work out, than explaining you cheated on their other parent, the cheating will just give them more trauma. They know it's shameful and hide behind oh the finances oh the kids.

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

What do those realities have to do with literally anything? Sure your trapped in a relationship. You still have the free will to go cheat so clearly your not that trapped. If you have the freedom to go out and cheat, then you have the freedom to do the mature thing and leave.

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

Just because someone can physically go out and cheat doesn't mean they're actually free to leave the relationship. It's like when you were a kid. Technically, you could've run away from home. But were you really free? You didn't have any money, tools or support to survive on your own. That's how it is for a lot of people stuck in bad relationships

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

I disagree that I'm being idealistic to suggest that people are able to be mature and end a relationship rather that cheat. You're saying a lot here, so I'm gonna break it apart piece by piece. "Not everyone has the... strength to just leave..." I agree; some people do not have the strength to leave a bad relationship. Those are people who should not say, "I would never cheat." This does not mean that everyone does not have the strength to leave. "Not everyone has the option... to just leave, financial ties..." Financial ties is not a good reason to not end a relationship. Be an adult and have the uncomfortable conversation of how to properly divide things up; if that can't be done maturely then involve lawyers. Yes this is annoying but it is part of being an adult. If you genuinly are financially dependant on another person who you have no desire to be with then look into public outreach programs, things like homeless shelters. For more extreme cases, there are things like battered women's shelters. "kids," This would be MORE reason to leave, not less. If this is not a healthy environment for you then kids definitly should not be there either. If it is a healthy environment then there should be no issue with having a mature conversation with your spouse about ending things but continuing to co-parent the kids. "cultural pressure," This is a non-answer. You are always allowed to ignore all cultural pressures; your happiness is more important. Anyone who suggests you 'be unhappy' for the sake of 'culture' is not a good person. "emotional abuse" If you are the type of person who does not have it in you to leave an emotionaly abusive relationship then you are also the type of person who should not be saying, "I would never cheat." because you do not have a good understanding of how to properly function in a relationship. I do understand that sometimes bad people can trick good people and waste some of their time; but those good people are going to be able to respond to these abusers by dumping them rather than cheating. I am not disconnected from how messy life is. I believe that some people chose to hide behind a smokescreen of 'life is messy' to justify selfish and short sighted decisions and to avoid uncomfortable situations that could have been dealt with properly if they were more mature.

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

Thats facts ngl

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

I've heard somewhere that anyone could kill depending on what situation they'd find themselves in, but not everyone would murder.

by Anonymous 5 hours ago

Oh, that's the best way I've heard to describe it!

by Anonymous 5 hours ago

The irony of your rebuttal is it brings up a tangential point that I ponder all the time. I think you're EXTREMELY wrong in the idea that people who say they wouldn't kill just haven't gotten angry enough. I think that's the exact reason. I firmly believe a good majority of people are self righteous cowards who would fold if they were ever truly tested. I mean if history is any indicator we can see all kinds of atrocities that otherwise "decent" people commit with the right motivation, manipulation or conditions. It's why I firmly believe trauma bonding doesn't deserve quite the negative connotation it has (not in cases of abuse or when one person is a complete dick, obviously). People you've been to hell and back with are people you know you can trust. People who have been through hell and their character never changed those are people who truly know themselves. Everyone else is more or less living a theory. So I agree with the premise of this statement. I think most people don't ever come under conditions that would truly test their character and their self appointed morality is hollow. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor so to speak

by wintheiseramira 5 hours ago

Communication solves a lot of those problems just discuss your issues I've noticed a lot of couples rarely talk about their issues

by tylerrosenbaum 5 hours ago

There's a big difference between words and actions. Someone like you're speaking of never actually loved their partner or fell out of love. If temptation makes you break then you don't love them. It's not a thing of willpower, just genuine love and care.

by Exciting-Profit 5 hours ago

I don't really think so. I feel like being unhappy in a relationship then cheating would just turn me into the villain and accomplish nothing

by Economy-Wallaby 5 hours ago

Tell that to my ex, she missed this memo.

by toytania 5 hours ago

like it's a super power Ok, yeah, I can see that people get weird about their "never cheat" mindset moral victory ----is it not a moral victory to never cheat tempted or not? This part you lost me entirely

by Anonymous 4 hours ago

I don't think cheating is a moral victory, it's the bare minimum. Praising it like it's some heroic act is lowering the standard for loyalty.

by Anonymous 4 hours ago

Sounds like you're projecting. Plenty of people whonhave say they never would.

by Icy_Tension 4 hours ago

This only applies if it was one moment of cheating. There are cheaters who actively use dating apps, and continue having a side partner. That's not an in-the-moment-mistake

by Secret_Gap 3 hours ago

How is demanding moral and ethical standards babybrain? Yes, cheating does, in fact, make you a bad person. If you're tempted, fine. You can still do the right thing. The only exception is for those trapped in domestic violence or coercive control relationships. They don't owe anything to someone who's forcing them into a relationship that they can't safely leave. Everyone else needs to have some morals and not be a selfish pos.

by Anonymous 3 hours ago

They aren't saying anything about moral standards within a relationship, they are just saying that cheating does happen sometimes, is a mistake, and the cheater isn't necessarily evil.

by Vast_Counter 3 hours ago

This is you projecting because you don't feel like someone could ever respect you that much. I'm sorry you got cheated on, as a woman I can say many women feel the same way about men. And I can assure you not all women are like that I know many of them.

by Anonymous 3 hours ago

I think this is a lot more common than people realize. There's a perception that people who are attractive will cheat because they have options, and people who have fewer options won't cheat because they should know how to"lucky" they got. But from what I've witnessed, the opposite is true. People who are rarely hit on get swept away when it finally happens -- like OP assuming that people don't cheat just because they haven't had the opportunity. Those people will cheat when given the opportunity. Someone who had a lot of choices, and made their choice, is more likely to stick to it. My husband is very attractive. He had no trouble getting dates before we met, and he still gets attention. Which I'm fine with, because he chose me. I'd be a lot more concerned about what would happen if he got another options if I had previously been his only option. I also had plenty of options and chose him, and I'm happy with my choice.

by Ivamurazik 3 hours ago

I'd go further and people who say I'd never cheat are lying, probably to themselves more than anything. I broadly agree with you. It's a huge call to make. I've been tempted before, but never cheated. I'd like to think I'd never cheat but who can really know.

by Anonymous 2 hours ago

No one goes into a relationship wanting to cheat. Everyone has the capacity to cheat... the wise people try to help set up their environment to mitigate that. I want to go drinking. I go with my partner. I have a lot of work piling up that could make me stay late. I stay late and work with a male co-worker so that I'm not tempted to talk to women at work if I get lonely. I have my friend there! I'm going on a work trip. I try to bring my partner or bring a friend and make "dates" to call my partner. Remove the opportunities so that even if temptation rears it's ugly head it's not going to be easy to follow through on impulse. I feel like this really isn't hard.

by Anonymous 2 hours ago

This sounds unhealthy 😂 or you are being controlled

by BullfrogJunior1506 2 hours ago

This is not normal... it sounds you would cheat at the first chance you got if you didn't have those barriers put in place. A healthy individual would be able to do all the things you listed without cheating even crossing their mind Through long relationships and a marriage I have been able to go out, travel etc (even with other women around) and never considered cheating. Have there been clear opportunities? Of course but it is not part of me to do that. I have never based my worth on sex nor has sex been the single most important thing to me. I believe that most people will never cheat no matter the temptation where as some need a push (my ex wife for example) and others have it as a goal.

by Anonymous 2 hours ago

This guy sounds so irresistible that any time he's left alone people throw themselves at him

by BullfrogJunior1506 1 hour ago

i've had plenty of times when i was challenged in a relationship and i decided to do the right thing. Being in love made me feel like I would never hurt my person and she could fully trust me. If i wanted anything I would've broken up with her first.

by Special_Program 1 hour ago

I can confidently say I would never cheat. Sure, I've never been put in that situation but I also wouldn't let a situation occur. Cheating is a choice. And even if someone is tempted, it is still a choice at the end of the day. It doesn't happen by accident.

by Anonymous 1 hour ago

Thats very true

by Anonymous 1 hour ago

It's just so easy to not cheat like there are SO many other resolutions.

by Particular_Cry 1 hour ago

While I think this might be true for some people, for others it is quite the opposite. For some, the reason cheating hurts so much is because they have had opportunities to do so, and reasons why it would feel good in the moment, but they chose to stay faithful. They essentially chose their partner, even when things weren't perfect or they felt something was lacking. For these folks, cheating is extra heartbreaking. It feels like "I chose you above all others, but for you I must have just been your only option at the time. As soon as you had another option/opportunity, you chose them."

by Anonymous 1 hour ago

It's me, I'm others.

by uheaney 39 minutes ago

Chris Rock: "A man is basically as faithful as his options."

by Anonymous 17 minutes ago

Lol you are weak if you are in a relationship you describe and cheat instead of A. Working to fix it or B. Leaving the relationship.

by Anonymous 6 minutes ago

That whole problem is solved by not being monogamous in the first place. People prone to cheating should just be in open relationships.

by Suitable-Sort-7113 4 minutes ago