Living separately is good for the relationship, amirite?

I suppose if those involved can afford that. Most people I know go for the separate room(s) dynamic which can work for many as well.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Most people you know live in separate rooms from their partner??

by Anonymous 2 days ago

My grandma claimed sharing a bedroom or bathroom with a man was uncivilized. 😅

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Dating or sleeping with your roommate is seen as an exceptionally risky and kinda dumb move rite?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I understood your point until you got to the kids part, because how does that work? Are you going to set up a custody arrangement as if you're a divorced couple to determine when the child(ren) will be at each person's home? Feels like you'd make things a lot more complicated that way.

by grimesmekhi 2 days ago

Duplex. With a common room in the middle.

by Shannon66 2 days ago

At that point, why even live separately? Just have separate rooms in the same house.

by grimesmekhi 2 days ago

If you're married why would it have the same pressure as divorce does? The children's parents are together in their minds they just have two homes

by Anonymous 2 days ago

But how do you determine which house a kid goes to on any particular day?

by grimesmekhi 2 days ago

Probably by what's most convenient for the lifestyle of everyone. I know a few families who live separately, but one couple I know alternate weeks- and are always together on weekends. The kids pick which house they want to be at depending on what they want to do over the weekend.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Maybe for you! But there are many families with many different resources, backgrounds, life styles. Where taking care of yourself and prioritizing needs isn't going to jeopardize or inconvenience the family life. It's called freedom!

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Twice the mortgage, twice the power bills, internet bills, insurance bills, water bills. Twice the expenses for furniture, upkeep, etc. It's fine if that's what y'all want to spend your money on, but it's not very cost efficient.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

cheaper than the divorce

by Plenty-Lifeguard-846 2 days ago

A divorce is only expensive if you have anything to fight over or you decide you want to to fight over it. For most people, having to pay for a house alone after a divorce is the actual drain on their money

by Bright-Bench-1066 2 days ago

They have these things called pre-nups... Going into every relationship expecting it to fail is just sad.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I personally believe that being in a relationship while not considering the fact that it might end is just sad. We have a massive housing crisis where I am from and I see a lot of stress with couples who live together and separate. People having to keep living with their ex for months or having to move to their parents. Divorced people with kids having major issues finding a house and even having to sleep in one bedroom with the divorced parent and all the kids.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

If you think breaking up is failure, then being lucky and succeeding means someone died.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

The rate of divorce has been going down since about 1990

by Anonymous 2 days ago

If you don't get married or have kids, separation is easy enough. Mortgage can be moved to one side with an equity transfer. But I agree with you. Keep everything separate other than the house.

by adelle97 1 day ago

Why twice if we were living on own anyway? Is a relationship only good for saving money?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It absolutely helps.

by Agreeable_Curve_7497 1 day ago

In this economy

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Okay then 'Missing out on only paying half the mortgage, half the power bills, half the Internet bills...' if you want to put it that way.

by jacebatz 1 day ago

As a single person, I definitely wish I had a live in partner to share insane of these bills with, yes. Lol

by janisjacobi 1 day ago

So you want a roommate.

by Temporary-Neck-6341 1 day ago

It's a key benefit to being in a long term relationship. If you are already in love with the person, being able to cut your costs in (mostly) half is a big plus. Also, how would you ever raise kids in this scenario? It'd drive the kid mad. Obviously that doesn't seem like it's for you, but that's also something a lot of people consider.

by Grand_Apple 1 day ago

Kids live in divorced houses where the parents barely speak to eachother and do fine.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

The money you're spending on your own convenience to live separately, you're taking from your kids.

by Sawaynhowell 1 day ago

Yeah that's how they think of it lol. Save money and free sex !

by Temporary-Neck-6341 1 day ago

It's a huge benefit

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Sounds like you should try out polyamory - the best way to save on bills!

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I can decorate how I want. I know who broke it - if it wasn't me, there is only one other person. It's not a mystery. We often leave our bed messy. We live together and save on expenses and by doing so, our money grows exponentially together while you double your spending. So, while your opinion might be unpopular, it also lacks depth.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Yeah was thinking the same, sounds like dating to me lol

by Routine-Echo-6283 1 day ago

This feels like a psyop to convince people that paying two rents is actually totally fine and normal when people traditionally wouldn't have.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I had married friends that bought houses next door to each other and added an interconnecting door. It wouldn't work for me but worked well for them.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

…god how rich are they? are you somewhere where houses are not a bajillion dollars?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I think instead of this, people are just choosing to remain single

by Useful_Caramel 1 day ago

me and my wife we are practically joined at the hip and I love it I couldn't imagine a world where we would live at separate places. She was on a festival this weekend and I was staying home and now that she's home we are acting as if we haven't seen each other for months. I couldn't imagine world where we would live at different houses. She's the only person I can spend 24/7 with without getting annoyed or anything like that I just love it. But I can understand if others feel differently about this.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I see your point but sharing costs of living and house chores makes life a lot easier for me.

by amiralockman 1 day ago

That's more expensive. It's easy to say "Oh we'll have two properties." That's a lot of money in most places. Most households are two income for a reason. I also just don't get it. If you marry someone you love you'd want to live with them. If you dislike living with them that much what's the point? Why would you be unable to compromise on things like decorations? It seems self-absorbed to me tbh.

by Super-Budget-1941 1 day ago

That seems a good arrangement for couple at that stage of their lives.

by Luigiwill 1 day ago

Some partners are better at cleaning than others. You might have a partner that's a complete slob and then you end up cleaning after them. I'm not signing up for a relationship to be anyone's maid.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

After having experienced love and cohabitation, I also do not want to live with a partner. I think being across town from each other is fine. I need more space. Not only do I want my own bedroom, but I want my own living room, kitchen, bathroom as well. Maybe an office, den and garage too. I want to be able to sit in my living room and watch TV or play video games without worrying about what someone else wants to do or watch. I want to be able to cook what I want without having to make sure my partner is fed or that I'm cooking what they like etc. I don't want to come home to dishes in the sink when it was clean last night. I don't want to have only my own bedroom to go to for solitude or to do something that I want to do. I also have hobbies that take up space, and I would not date someone without their own hobbies that take up space.

by Fair-Drag 1 day ago

That's just a friend with benefits lmao

by Cute-Command 1 day ago

I know exactly what you mean. I'm the same way.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I believe in having the relationships that work best for the people, so people should do whatever feels right for them and I can completely see how living separately would work for lots of couples. But it may not be right for everyone. Just like all types of relationship dynamics, there shouldn't be an abnormal though and I thinking living separately should be more normalized rather then saying it's good for the relationship. Cause it's totally circumstantial.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

another one of these opinions? your children will grow up messed up when having parents living in two different households...it's fun for you, but wait till your child lives with a constant guilt for 'having to choose' between their parents because you wanted to decorate your house differently than your partner...seriously, it's not fine for the children. speaking as someone who has lived this. big yikes. big big yikes.

by BackgroundAd 1 day ago

I live with my girlfriend, we discuss decorating and find compromise. If something gets broken there's only two of us, so if I didn't then she did. But she'd also tell me anyway. Some days we make the bed, some days we don't. I don't see how living separately allows for more spontaneity. My girlfriend is in our home right now, I could take her out to dinner, have sex, start a nerf war. How is it more spontaneous when you are different houses? Surely being in the same place creates far more opportunity? I've lived apart from her, and I've lived with her. Living with her is so much better. She's my favourite person I want as much time with her as I can get. I live those little moments chatting in the dark before we fall asleep, the lying on the sofa and suddenly you're making out. I love building a life with her.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

That's called dating, right?

by Quick_List3169 1 day ago

Not if you're married

by Anonymous 1 day ago

How separately? Are you going to share the cost of the 2 properties or keep those separate as well? Separate houses and completely separate finances sounds like it might get flagged for marriage fraud

by Anonymous 1 day ago

That would be valid if the two partners never lived on their own and took care of their own expensive before meeting

by Anonymous 1 day ago

This sound like it was written by a 19 year old girl

by ahudson 1 day ago

Nah it doesn't. 19-year-olds are usually still at the point where they idealize living with a partner. This sounds like an established adult who got out of a long-term relationship with someone they were incompatible with, and are now just looking to protect their peace of mind.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Kudos to that imaginary 19 year old girl.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

So you're just… dating? Once you have kids though you're more or less obligated to share a house. Have separate bedrooms.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I live with my partner and if something breaks and it wasn't one of us then it was the cat. Neither of us would lie about something like that. As far as making the bed goes, just find someone who also doesn't care to make the bed. I dont understand how living apart makes being spontaneous easier? And re offspring, how does that actually work? Do you you shuttle them between houses all the time? One parent is the caregiver and the other flits in and out? I dont have any issues with the idea that some couples would rather live separately. And I know a couple couples who choose to do that. But the reasons you gave here are mostly pretty bad.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

They're not bad if they're good enough for us :)

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You didnt answer my questions about being spontaneous or raising kids

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You sound like you just don't want a relationship. You're allowed to be alone, man.

by Background_Prize2130 1 day ago

I think this opinion might be becoming more popular. It's been my experience that loving somebody is easy. But liking them, every day, 24/7, is tough.

by Ok-Barnacle 1 day ago

This has been mostly my experience aswell and we are celebrating 11 years together tomorrow.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It's the same for me and my wife we are also practically joined at the hip and I love it I couldn't imagine a world where we would live at separate places. She was on a festival this weekend and I was staying at home and now that she's home we are acting as if we haven't seen each other for months. For me it's not a problem to like her 24/7

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Same here!

by SandLoud2830 1 day ago

How long you been together?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It's been well over a decade.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

My husband is like the only person on the planet where it's not a chore to be around him. I understand loving someone but not always "liking" them (eg. my toddler) but that seems like a big no when it comes to your partner.

by Soledadbartell 1 day ago

In an age where everybody avoids anything tough by a mile, no wonder people avoid one of the thoughest things there is: looking above their own interests and making concessions in the name of love

by Sporerevans 1 day ago

lol, do whatever you want if you find someone who agrees. My partner and I actually like each other.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

This is a great idea for someone who doesn't like or love their partner. If you get tired of your partner to the point where you want to live separate that doesn't seem promising and you're probably doing yourself a disservice not finding someone more compatible

by Remote_Front 1 day ago

If you want to forever retain that kind of autonomy and avoid merging lives then that's not your life partner. That's someone you have sleepovers and dates with and that's fine. Just indicative of not being suited to longterm relationships where you make compromises and enjoy sharing space along with everything else that life involves. There's a deeper intimacy that comes with actually sharing your life together. Some people are not comfortable with that, no matter who they're with. But then your relationship is not comparable to other well functioning partnerships and that's just a fact

by Remote_Front 1 day ago

A fair proportion of such couples will start to doubt each other's fidelity very soon. Not all, and not saying living together guarantees fidelity. But this arrangement tends to be in the grey area between single and in-a-relationship

by Sufficient_Bar_7562 1 day ago

I think it's super creepy also that the reason that people prefer to live with another is to control access to their significant others bodies. I'll likely never choose to live with another S.O. in my lifetime. I prefer the experience of having someone enjoy the time I'm with them and not obligated or coerced.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I accept this response. It's super-romantic and sweet. 🫶

by Anonymous 1 day ago

At least it'll be more obvious when they do, you're more likely to be blind sided living separately

by Anonymous 1 day ago

That sounds exhausting and the kind of situation where one person controls what the other person does and who they see. I think if you have a healthy relationship, trust is key. I've been in a relationship like that and it was perfect for me. We ended things because I chose to move across the country for my career.

by Fair-Drag 1 day ago

I would be so sad not to live with my wife. The less time apart the better

by BackgroundPrune 1 day ago

If they're a good match for you then they'd be in agreement with most of the things you outlined and you wouldn't get tired of them

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I really enjoy living with my husband, but I know plenty of people whose relationships work really well without sharing a home. Whatever makes the two of you most happy is fine.

by Odd_Length_1592 1 day ago

Easier to cheat when you have separate dwellings . Call before you come

by Gerrydickens 1 day ago

Or you can live together and just cheat at your lover's house

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Yeah the 10000km gives a lot of breathing room and meeting once a year really keeps things spicy

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Or maybe next door to each other could be an option? Maybe?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Yes I agree, just joking around about a more familiar situation.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Idk man I liked my girlfriend when we were together.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

lol how old are you? How many long-teen relationships have you had? I understand after people have been married and divorced, they'd want to keep their own space. I think that's the origin of man caves and separate women's drawing or sewing rooms, she sheds… But if you aren't traumatized by an unhealthy living situation, why wouldn't you want to spend your nights with someone? Wake up to their smile, chat over coffee? I assume you're going to be child free, because a nursing mother should be with her child, and the father wouldn't help at all in the night, early morning?! Go ahead and live separately, but that's not a marriage, partnership, or family.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Yeah, no.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Whatever works for you and your partner honestly. That wouldn't work for me, but I know people who that kind of set up has worked for. It really does depend on your relationship, what phase of life you're at and so on. Power to you.

by cjones 1 day ago

Sounds like a major red flag ngl

by OrganizationOnly 1 day ago

Same house. Different bedrooms. Works wonders. What you're describing makes me wonder why you'd want to be in a marriage. You clearly don't like the person enough if your main concerns are who gets to decorate and who (out of two people!) broke something.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Setting up for failure from the start Don't be surprised when you get what you're expecting

by Few_Individual 1 day ago

I actually agree with this. It's great to have your own space at the end of the day. I think it's a different matter when it comes to raising children but don't see any need to have to live together as a couple other than to save on expenses.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

If you're like 20 yeah

by Alive_Square 1 day ago

I feel like if you can‘t decorate how you want, have to keep everything clean all the time despite not wanting to and not knowing who broke something is a sign you are dating the wrong person

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You are 100% percent correct my friend. How many couples could have made it if they hadn't forced cohabitation? But this is the way forward. People only try this once they have tried living together and already started pissing each other off. By then its too late, the relationship is fractured. Stay 110% committed and monogamous, but don't live together.

by Any_Web 1 day ago

Having "two properties" as a kid sucks. It makes life feel chaotic and unstable

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It just sounds like you don't want a partner and that's okay lol

by Anonymous 1 day ago

My husband works out of state and is only home on the weekends, we've been married 25 years and I swear it's the key to a healthy relationship.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

honestly.... if i lived with my girlfriends, i could see myself maintaining my own apartment, strictly for secondary purposes.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Living separately is a different kind of relationship. Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You're living the dream. No fighting over wet towels left on the floor. Not feeling obligated to be together all the time. You aren't involuntarily catering poker night for his buddies. He can do that and clean up afterwards too. You spend time together as you choose and get the bed to yourself at the end day if you want. I love it.

by hegmanndorothea 1 day ago

The cost of maintaining two separate residences just seems really impractical vs. pooling resources to get a bigger home that allows each person to have privacy/personal spaces. For example, it's generally much cheaper to rent a two-bedroom apartment than to rent two one-bedroom apartments. And then once you have kids, couples I know are generally pressed for quality time together. There's just not that much time left over after working, doing kid stuff, and doing household stuff. If I lived in a different house from my husband right now, I'd either barely see him or one house would go mostly unused.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Hold on... You would continue doing this if you had kids? You said kids, plural. So each of you would maintain a 3 bedroom house or apartment? Seems expensive. Would one of you be sleeping over at the other's place whenever the kids are there? Like you stay at your partner's place during the week when the kids are going to school, which would be near your partner's place. That means you're there 5 nights a week already... You're keeping a seperate place for 2 nights a week Or would you just not see your kids until the weekend? That's a lot of work for your partner Or would you just pop by during the week? That would involve a lot of driving in my city... odds are the place you have wouldn't be close to your partner's. This seems like a lot of trouble for small benefits like picking your own furnishings.

by Wardsavanna 1 day ago

I decorate more or less the way I want and me and my partner live together we compromise. Vis attitude is someone whit really has t been n live or hasn't grown up yet. But yes highly UP

by Anonymous 1 day ago

This just sounds like you dislike your partner

by Comfortable-Use 1 day ago

While it's important to have alone time and time away from your partner, I have to disagree. If you can't live with your partner or at the very least live under the same roof but have separate bedrooms, then sounds like you're just incompatible and don't really like them all that much. Most happy couples don't get tired of their partner to the point that they'd rather live separately. That doesn't scream a happy, compatible partnership to me.

by Vast_Button 1 day ago

I actually enjoy going home to my partner.

by Glittering-Pen 1 day ago

What works for you doesn't necessarily have to work for others. Claiming it is "good for the relationship" is what makes it unpopular (and false in many cases). Whatever floats your boat, as long as you don't bring e.g. kids into that, that would most likely just create unnecessary chaos.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Just go to therapy and deal with your trauma.

by Bernitahane 1 day ago

Yk you can just like.... stay in separate rooms then? All your points can be satisfied by seperate rooms but without all the hassle seperate houses will have.

by pagacemil 1 day ago

Sounds like you have never had a partner that you are compatible with, and that's fine.

by hipolito51 1 day ago

That's not a real relationship.

by edaabbott 1 day ago

Man. Only if that house is next door.

by Bubbly-Flamingo 1 day ago

I wouldn't see anything wrong with this until you got to the kids part. Kids would have more stability under 1 roof if you are actually a healthy couple who can live together. If you arent then you shouldn't be having kids together. If you are worried about getting tired of each other than the solution would be to take your time choosing to be a good partner and learn how to be a good partner.

by MathSolid 1 day ago

So, you are a woman?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

If you have offspring 🤣 I can promise you you will not be living separately with kids

by Connellyeladio 1 day ago

You're clearly someone who's never been in a long term commitment relationship. Proximity means so much, you WANT to be with them. It's not about practicality it's about having a close bond.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

That's the dumbest thing I've read today. Good luck finding a partner who will agree to that, you're gonna be single for a long time. Not only is it completely impractical and financially moronic, but couples choose to live together not only to save money, but also it shows that they trust each other and want to be more intimate with each other, be there to help each other etc... And you expect to get married and raise children while living separately? You didn't think this through did you. Go touch some grass and think about why people enter a relationship in the first place If you want your own space so bad then you could just have your own bedroom? But I guess that makes too much sense

by Berryratke 1 day ago

My husband and I just have 2 bedrooms. It's cheaper and much easier than having 2 places. We sleep together most nights but it's nice to have to option for some alone time.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Sleeping in my own bed all my life just to give that up if I move in with a partner is the weirdest thing. I want peaceful sleep and I don't get that with someone next to me

by Temporary-Neck-6341 1 day ago

Sounds expensive. Theoretically you could have a mini villa with two tiny homes next to each other though.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I agree!! I've ALWAYS dreamed of my own place. Not just half a bed. MY room, MY kitchen, MY bathroom. Doesn't have to be big but it has to be mine. (almost there!) Why would I have to give that up if I get married? "It's more expensive", ok? What would I do with that money instead?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Hmm...I like the idea of living with a partner tho. I wouldn't want to live alone

by Anonymous 23 hours ago

From an investment perspective, you're better off halving your housing costs and investing the savings. Real estate appreciates, but not 30-year-historical-S&P-500 appreciates. Or be a non-dick landlord. The world needs more of those and fewer corporate ones.

by Anonymous 23 hours ago

Yess I can imagine it being so free, you feel so in control of your lifestyle while still being able to show up for your partner. Also those days where you're not at 100 and maybe just 30% you don't have to be in anyone else space but your own!

by Anonymous 23 hours ago

Honestly I agree with this. Some people are just wired different. I enjoy alone time more than most people I know. I love my own space and quiet. So if there is another person who likes the same, why not?

by Less-Investigator 22 hours ago

Ooor you could find a partner who accepts you and your faults, and who you accept and their faults. And beside whom, you feel comfortable enough to do certain things like leave a mess without fear of being scolded or judged. Two properties with a kid borderline sounds like a divorce situation. Its almost like you arent secure enough to be who you really are with your partner for some reason. So you wanna hide in your cave. But the reality is, if you dont want to die alone, it is very likely that you will have to share your living space with someone 24/7. You are so uneager to share your living space 24/7, why would anyone want to share a kid and their life with you?

by Ambitious-One8050 22 hours ago

We do this and I love it.

by Anonymous 22 hours ago

My great aunt had the same boyfriend for 50 years. They never married or lived together. They kept a standing date night on Saturdays and occasionally would get a hotel room for an overnight.

by Anonymous 21 hours ago

This is moronic 😂

by AffectionateBoss 21 hours ago

Good

by Anonymous 20 hours ago

I always wanted to live next door to my significant other. With housing prices today, though, I'm not sure anyone can afford it

by Anonymous 20 hours ago

Wise.The best investment is in property, too. And there is less threat of losing it to an enemy who used to know you but now hates your guts. It is the only way for a man or woman to be free. And any kid will have something to inherit because the wealth wasn't destroyed in a divorce battle.

by jorgewintheiser 20 hours ago

Oprah and Stedman do this right?

by rosina97 20 hours ago

I don't know. She won't answer my texts anymore

by Anonymous 19 hours ago

Lol you talk to Oprah?

by rosina97 19 hours ago

When she answers the phone. She's been acting real upiddy since becoming buddy buddy with Joe Rogan

by Anonymous 19 hours ago

He thinks she's evil?

by rosina97 19 hours ago

Girl, "buddy buddy" means they're friends

by Anonymous 19 hours ago