Demanding monogamy then not having sex with your partner is abuse and people who do this should be ashamed of themselves. amirite?

If you don't have compatible sex drives, but want monogamy, just breakup. No one needs to be the bad guy

by Darion29 1 day ago

That part!!

by Anonymous 1 day ago

This is a solid take but it isn't always that easy. Sometimes money, children or social standing are involved. I'm sure there are a variety of other reasons I'll hopefully never know, too.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

"Demanding monogamy". It's supposed to be a mutual agreement. If monogamy is not something you want, don't get with people who want that.

by swiftskye 1 day ago

Period 👏🏻

by Important-Meeting891 1 day ago

^^^ anyone taking OP's stance is just trying to coerce sex out of their partner when they are unwilling instead of actually introspecting and deciding to leave a relationship where they are not compatible. No one "owes" you sex, not even your partner. Sure couples can work together to address differences in sex drives, but calling it abuse is just ridiculous

by Anonymous 1 day ago

yes, no one is denying that it can be grounds for ending a relationship, but its a compatibility issue, not mf abuse. the hyperbolic use of that word in this context is either just dumb, or genuinely malicious to paint the denier as the villian to coerce sex (arguably more abusive than the denial)

by Anonymous 1 day ago

If you can't define this as abuse (I agree) then misusing the word "abuse" is certainly not abuse either

by Anonymous 1 day ago

"denying sex when you don't want to have sex": not abuse "emotionally manipulating* with the goal of coercing sex when you know they don't want to participate": sounds pretty abusive to me *there is an assumption of intent here, if its a genuine misuse of the word that's being an idiot instead. but abuse is not a word that normal, adjusted adults throw at their partner without careful consideration, so this assumption feels pretty fair imo

by Anonymous 1 day ago

People would rather call anything abuse than just leave a relationship that doesn't satisfy them. This push to redefine abuse to include not giving someone what they want is just a tool for people to control their partners.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

No one owes you sex, but if you're refusing it, be prepared to be dumped. No one owes you a relationship either. Sex is a critical part of a long-term intimate relationship. And if there are not physical issues preventing it, then there's a problem.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Great. Sounds like we agree.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You'd possibly be surprised that the less one refers to sex as 'critical' the more likely one is to have it.

by Neither-Bed-3720 1 day ago

If theres no sex then theres no relationship

by Anonymous 1 day ago

A dead bedroom is grounds for divorce and a judge will grant it, so clearly judges and the government believe a spouse does owe you sex.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

"justifies a divorce" !== "is abuse", this is not a hard concept ffs if it's an insurmountable compatibility issue, break up. if it isn't, work through it like healthy adults. but saying no to sex when you don't want to have sex **is not abuse**

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Exactly. I'm at a point in my life where I have 0 interest in sleeping around. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be with my partner.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I'm non-monogamous and i agree that this is what should happen, but by and large, the dating scene is still too mono-normative. Among straight people, the overwhelming majority of women do demand monogamy with no room for negotiation.

by Dizzy-Baseball 1 day ago

I think a large part of the issue is people enter a marriage contract expecting the same or similar amount of sex. They end up trapped with one partner they never have sex with and they're basically roommates. It would be unfair to expect one of the spouses to just masturbate forever.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

But it's not unfair for one partner to have to have non consensual sex they don't want forever?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I haven't looked yet but I know exactly what I'm going to see

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Definitely lots of Pepe.

by Jaymemertz 1 day ago

Wow even with this warning I wasn't expecting that much. I don't even understand… why so much Pepe

by hertharunolfsdo 1 day ago

Like, pepé le pew?

by Darion29 1 day ago

No, la grenouille.

by Jaymemertz 1 day ago

Looks: Self admitted mentally unwell redpiller? Checks out.

by Sufficient_Put 1 day ago

Honestly I sort of appreciate the dedication to the meme.

by Icy-Worry 1 day ago

Yeah, I guess I meant it more as that being a bit of a heat signature for the crazy and misogynist takes spread throughout.

by Jaymemertz 1 day ago

I'd say if they keeps rejecting you "Just because I'm not in the mood" and not trying to get to the root of why the person is not in the root, be it medical, weight, stress, or feeling unloved by their partners. But if everything is good, and your partner just "Not in the mood" and rejecting and neglecting you multiple times a month or a week, then I'd say they don't have the right to monogamy because itherwise we could've just been friends who live togetger

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Sex is not the only thing that defines a relationship as romantic

by Anonymous 1 day ago

But it is the one thing you give your partner that no one else can, that they can't get from anyone else. Cheating is horrible and never justified, but the rejected person's ONLY options are cheating, or living celibate and unhappy and unfulfilled. That's also a terrible thing to do to someone you love.

by Evelyn58 1 day ago

but the rejected person's ONLY options are cheating, or living celibate and unhappy and unfulfilled. Or, there's the third option. Leave the relationship. Break up is what you do. You dint cheat, you dont live unhappy. Those are not the only options.

by Entire_Gur 1 day ago

Or kill themselves. Or grow wings and fly away. Or become King or Queen of Timbuktu. Sorry, I didn't know I needed to list EVERY conceivable option. My bad.

by Evelyn58 1 day ago

Bro you said "ONLY" in caps loc.

by New-Comfortable 1 day ago

ONLY within the confines of the relationship. I'm not the one who mentioned parameters outside the relationship.

by Evelyn58 1 day ago

the rejected person's ONLY options

by Entire_Gur 1 day ago

They can just jerk off

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Or breakup. Why is no one pointing out that relationships are optional

by Darion29 1 day ago

A relationship you have invested years in, can be difficult to walk away from, at 5-10 years your lives can be deeply intertwined, financially, as well as personally. Frien groups are often shared, family familiarity, children etc.

by Embarrassed_Set 1 day ago

No because for me, it's about the connection. I would rather have sex with my wife everyday without busting a nut than once a week busting.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

That's not a real solution and you know it. It's not the same. Masturbation is not the same as physical, sexual intimacy with your partner.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

So to you there's no such things as relationship sex with familiar bonding & connection & emotional closeness? Might as well just jerk off? I feel extremely sorry for your partner, if by some miracle you even have one.

by Evelyn58 1 day ago

I'm not saying sex with a partner isn't more fulfilling, but there are steps you can take that don't involve cheating

by Anonymous 1 day ago

They can just jerk off I'm not saying sex with a partner isn't more fulfilling You JUST said that they should get their fulfillment from jerking off. You JUST said it. Like 8 minutes ago.

by Evelyn58 1 day ago

No, I wouldn't say that. Plenty of couples aren't outwardly affectionate. To claim that if you don't give someone access to your body it qualifies as abuse is the crazy take here.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

To claim that if you don't give someone access to your body qualifies as abuse is the crazy take here. This isn't crazy. Its absolutely unhinged. This is incel level rhetoric.

by Corwinaryanna 1 day ago

I guess we'll add wanting to not be emotionally abused to the list of things that make someone an incel. You people have used the word wrong in so many ways, incels are now a good thing.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

What a childish mindset lmao

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Ragebait. I hope

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I wouldn't call it abuse. But I would call anyone who thinks that won't result in the relationship ending an idiot. And I'd also call anyone who wants to have sex and stays in a relationship like that an idiot.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

So true man. Such a shame they made breaking up illegal

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Lol

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It is illegal in my country.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

What country is that ?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Surely you must be talking about divorce, not breaking up

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You ain't entitled to do whatever to anyone else's body & boundaries regardless the type of relationship yall have with another individual.. point blank, period.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Sure, but by that logic, I could also give you the silent treatment, never hug you, and pretend like you don't exist, because you're not entitled to my voice, my hands, or even my attention. Technically true, but that kind of relationship obviously wouldn't work. Same goes for a sexless one. No one's entitled to another person's body, sure, but a romantic relationship without sex just isn't going to work for most people.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Totally, but there's a pretty sizable gap between "not going to work" and "abuse". I think it's completely fair to not want to be in a sexless relationship. Acting like it's the same as being physically abused is... odd

by Anonymous 1 day ago

i think it's highly dependent on the situation whether it's abuse or not. some people give the silent treatment as a way to manipulate someone, or it could be for a completely different reason. same with refusing sex.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I would not categorize the silent treatment as abuse. I think that the silent treatment, like withholding sex, can be a part of a pattern of abusive behavior within the greater context of physical or emotional abuse, but I don't think either is on their face abusive. I know that not everyone feels that way, but I think context is important for these things and it's not really a great idea to make sweeping generalizations around relationships outside of extreme behavior

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Right, and I didn't say either one is abuse, I just pointed out how people tend to treat one as abusive and the other as not, even when the logic could be the same.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

lol fair

by Anonymous 1 day ago

OP never said physical abuse. Making your partner feel consistently rejected, unloved, undesirable, and not good enough could feel like emotional abuse. But not meeting your partners needs isn't abuse in my eyes because they can leave, as hard as that becomes in a long term marriage.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Yeah, that would make sense, which is why I said that kind of relationship won't work for most people.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Exactly, your example doesn't actually change the point they made. No one is entitled to anything, attention, affection, or sex, and if those needs aren't being met in a relationship, the solution is simple: communicate or leave. It's not a logic loophole, it's just how relationships work.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Totally true, and you know what I'd do? I'd leave. Because that's what adults do if they have addressed their unmet desires with their partner and said partner has shown no desire to change. You leave.

by New-Comfortable 1 day ago

Sure yes you arent entitled to anything. But for most people a relationship without sex is like a house without a bathroom. Sure its still a workable house, i can live without it. But the house really isnt complete is it. I also dont like how op puts it, if its that bad leave. If you cant leave for reasons then talk to your spouse about being seprate in other ways.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

You right, that's why they cheat

by Xkilback 1 day ago

They cheat because they are assholes and cowards. They should break up if the relationship and the boundaries do not work for them.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

If someone's reaction to this is cheating, they're not emotionally mature enough for that relationship.

by Cruickshankclai 1 day ago

If they cheat instead of leaving the relationship they're people who shouldn't be in a relationship anyway.

by Entire_Gur 23 hours ago

Cheating could be solved with a conversation. They don't cheat because they are lacking in the emotional connection department, they cheat for the thrill of it and you can't convince me otherwise. If your needs aren't being met then you need to talk to your partner like an adult. Explain to them that you need a physical connection or you will need to become just friends and find someone that can give that to you Why do we need to make everything a whole ordeal? Communication people, we are adults!

by Anonymous 23 hours ago

Abuse? Lol you can break up with them

by Anonymous 23 hours ago

There's a difference between intimacy and sex. Sex without intimacy sucks. Intimacy without sex isn't great, but at least it's something, and sometimes it's more than enough. No sex and no intimacy is hell.

by Farrelldelpha 22 hours ago

Not having sex with someone isnt abusing them.

by Entire_Gur 22 hours ago

I mean when you are dealing with chronic illness that makes sex too painful, what are you supposed to do? Cause that's what happened to me. 🤷

by Anonymous 22 hours ago

Quite the profile you got there !

by Anonymous 21 hours ago

I think it probably depends on your definition. Is it something that should be illegal? No. Is it tantamount to physically beating your partner? No. Is it cruel mistreatment of your partner? Assuming said partner desires sexual intimacy and didn't agree to celibacy - then yes, I would agree.

by Anonymous 21 hours ago

I mean, in this day and age, if you want sex, and your partner doesn't give it, break up. It still isn't abuse, because the person who is 'forced' to be monogamous has the option to leave the relationship, and not be afraid for their life and/or cut of financially/emotionally/physically from any sort of support network. If they HAVE been, then the partner is abusive, not just because the partner says 'I want a monogamous relationship, but would like to wait for sex until X' If we are talking about constantly 'not being in the mood' there is often a lot more going on than just not wanting sex. If the person wanting sex truly loved their partner, and not just the sex, they would be trying to get to the root of the issue. If they have, and they can't resolve it and the partner doesn't want to resolve it, then the person has a choice: be celibate, or break up. Again, no abuse.

by Anonymous 21 hours ago

Again, depends on your definition. I was not implying that being in a relationship with a dead bedroom is unsafe and prevents you from leaving. Because I would not define abuse as ONLY being behavior that coerces someone into staying in the relationship they no longer want to be in. But yes, I agree. If that's what we're defining abuse as, it's not abuse. Because clearly you can just leave. It's not the same thing as fearing for your life or not having the resources to survive a separation. And yes, I agree. if you want sex, and your partner never does, and refuses to figure out why, you should break up with them. I also think if you never want sex, and your partner does, and you refuse to figure out why or resolve, you should break up with them. Because I think that's and unfair and cruel thing to ask of someone who does not want that kind of dynamic. Which is why I consider it abuse.

by Anonymous 20 hours ago

i think it's significantly more cruel to force sexual advances on someone when they aren't in the mood, but hey, what do i know.

by MedicalSorbet3820 20 hours ago

Two things can be true at once

by Anonymous 20 hours ago

Abuse? Get real. Child molesters, people who beat their spouses, financial abuse, threats of violence to loved ones to force compliance, and "not having enough sex in a monogamous relationship". Obvious rage bait.

by Aggressive-Pin 20 hours ago

saying that its abuse does not understate how serious other forms of abuse are. shocker ik

by everardosawayn 20 hours ago

No one is owed sex from anyone ever.

by claudine50 19 hours ago

It's not a difficult concept really...

by Anonymous 19 hours ago

A healthy relationship has people who realize what their partner's sex drive is and don't try to change it. You communicate about any issues you have in an adult way. Calling someone who does not want to have sex "abusive" is problematic and very unhealthy.

by Jacobsconstance 18 hours ago

If you entered into a monogamous relationship with the understanding that sex would be part of the relationship and then one parter decided they weren't going to have sex anymore then that's just a bad relationship. Your not being abused or if that is abuse so is not emptying the dishwasher after saying you would empty the dishwasher.

by Existing_Training_5 18 hours ago

Sex is not, and has never been, a biological necessity to life beyond procreation. It is not food, water, clothing, housing; you will not DIE without sex. If you aren't getting the amount of sex you desire, there are a MILLION reasons for it, and like....20 amount to "abuse" and that's when sex is being withheld quid-pro-quo, as manipulation. But someone not being in the mood? Having a lower libido? Not abuse for them to follow their body; 100% abuse for you to force advances.

by Clevebernhard 18 hours ago

Did she never give blowjobs or anything?

by Miserable_Sand 18 hours ago

OP, yes or no: Do you believe you are entitled to sex because you are in a relationship?

by Anonymous 18 hours ago

One loom at OP's history tells me this is all purely theoretical for them

by Anonymous 17 hours ago

Well if they don't want to have sex and they also won't allow polygamy, then just break up with them. Simple as that.

by Swimming-Cod 17 hours ago

Everyone is different and has different needs. That being said I can't imagine "demanding" monogamy from a partner, like you either are monogamous together if that's what you want or you shouldn't be together. After you establish that you are indeed monogamous then you need to be able to establish each other's needs, including sex. Maybe you just aren't sexually compatible.

by Green-Kiwi-3229 17 hours ago

Rita only abuse if you decide to tolerate it..

by kennedy58 16 hours ago

This is an excuse 1st point: who is to say when enough is enough. If I am somebody who feels satisfied with once a week but my partner prefers 2-3 times a week should I have unwanted sex with him? Does this give him an excuse to cheat on me? What about if 2-3 times a week isn't enough for him? Who is to say when it's withheld enough to excuse the cheating? 2nd point: this could easily be resolved with a talk and seperation if needed, if one half of the relationship isn't getting what they need out of the relationship whether it be physical or emotional connections. Then they need to discuss with their partner. If the partner is unable to give them that, the relationship will not succeed and they should agree that maybe friends is better 3rd point: cheaters do it for the thrill and you can't convince we otherwise. There's no excusable reason to hide it from your significant other. Period. But they do, because that's half the fun.

by Anonymous 16 hours ago

I feel in that scenario the two are sexually incompatible

by Miserable_Sand 16 hours ago

Wait so from my understanding monogamy is where partners only have romance with each other, so not wanting my partner to cheat while also not trying to have intercourse is abuse?

by Careful-Relative3892 15 hours ago

I would call it different expectations. It would be abuse if you are being forced into the relationship. But otherwise, just leave or wank off

by Anonymous 15 hours ago

If it can be solved with a conversation, it's not abuse, just poor communication.

by Anonymous 15 hours ago

Setting boundaries is never abuse. You are free to leave the relationship.

by Corwinaryanna 14 hours ago

I mean, congrats on being unpopular. No one is forcing you to stay in a sexless relationship, dude. Leave if you aren't happy.

by New-Comfortable 14 hours ago

Abuse isnt the correct word for this.

by brauncali 14 hours ago

In my wife's wedding vows was "I demand monogamy", so I added "whelp then we better be sexing". It read like a prompt-response - it was beautiful. Problem solved.

by Anonymous 13 hours ago

this is grounds for divorce in some states

by Jonatan52 13 hours ago

I think a man wrote this.

by rodriguezangie 13 hours ago

Not having sex is not abuse.

by marianomante 13 hours ago

You're an adult and you can leave this situation.

by Anonymous 13 hours ago

There is no world in which not having sex with your partner is abusive

by InterestingOil 13 hours ago

I think it's better worded as neglect which can become abuse in a serious case of it. The impact isn't so much the lack of sex per se but the idea that one has become undesirable for some reason to the person to whom much has been promised.

by Julia95 13 hours ago

As someone who was in that situation for years, I agree if it's longterm and deliberate, it CAN be abuse. If it's a medical issue or a trauma response, that's different. But deliberately withholding sex to control or punish the other person (and if, like me, that person had done nothing wrong), then yes, it's a form of abuse, and a very painful one, emotionally.

by Additional_Golf_2447 12 hours ago

Sounds like an incel wrote it

by Shanny34 12 hours ago

Definitely unpopular, but I'm with you on this. Demanding sexual exclusivity but refusing sex with yout partner? People doing this are asking to be cheated on.

by svenfranecki 12 hours ago

"Asking to be cheated on"???? How about leaving or divorce bro not every answer has to be cheating ans the fact that you said "are asking to be cheated on" as if the cheater has no choice but not to or that he/she doesn't have responsibilities. Pls gtfo

by Anonymous 11 hours ago

Or, if you are not getting what you need out of a relationship, you communicate that and leave like an adult.

by Anonymous 11 hours ago

If you require sex in a relationship, I don't know what to tell you.

by Eliasbosco 11 hours ago

No offense, but most people consider it very important. If you don't want to have it, then it is quite logical to allow your partner to be non-monogamous or expect that they will end the relationship.

by SignificantHope6517 10 hours ago

It's an animalistic activity which shouldnt be a part of relationships imo

by Eliasbosco 10 hours ago

For some people, sex is more important for the intimacy. Not just about getting their nut.

by Anonymous 10 hours ago

Whatever rock you crawled out from under, respectfully, please go back under it.......

by Anonymous 9 hours ago

What?

by Anonymous 9 hours ago

You should be ashamed of yourself for not respecting your hypothetical partner's right to bodily autonomy. No one is entitled to sex. If you really need to get that release, masturbation is free. There's plenty of reasons why a partner may say no to having sex, and they shouldn't be ashamed for saying no to having sex. If you genuinely think this is a fair thing to say, I genuinely hope you never get a partner, for their own well being.

by Anonymous 9 hours ago

Right!But they should be ashamed of themselves for not stating all these reasons why they don't want to have sex.Hypothetically speaking of course.

by Anonymous 8 hours ago

It's not abuse. You could see it as a relationship issue, but they don't owe you their body. Just speak about it, and if you can't resolve it, go separate ways. Thinking that you're somehow being abused if your partner doesn't want to have sex with you is a dangerous mindset.

by Tate34 8 hours ago

So many people are being purposely obtuse here. OP is not advocating nonconsent. OP is saying that if one partner is celibate, then they should allow the other partner to have sex with other people. You're not hungry, so i can't eat? That's crazy. 😄😄

by Anonymous 7 hours ago

I don't think it's abuse but I do think it is messed up to date a guy, give car BJs, quickies at a bar bathroom.. etc… then once married cut it all off and only do it on Saturday night missionary style.. Can you really blame men for looking around?

by Anonymous 7 hours ago

no one owes you sex. there is nothing else to say.

by ritchiejohann 7 hours ago

Demanding monogamy This just reads as if you want to have a free pass to cheat honestly. Also - you have clearly no idea what abuse is. And your partner does not owe you sex. If it's not a match, break up, but calling that abuse is wild and saying "demanding monogamy" is as well.

by Ok-Life 7 hours ago

Sex is for making children. No one should get into a relationship if sex is important to them.

by Anonymous 7 hours ago

And people wonder why Men cheat

by Known-Banana9871 6 hours ago

Men can leave a relationship if they're that unhappy. Cheating is never an excuse, men or women.

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

"Cheating is never an excuse" There is one excuse imo. If you got forecd into the relationship/marriage by your parents, because you live in a country where the culture is different and things like that happen. You would get a pass in that instance from me. But that's it already I'd say.

by Anonymous 6 hours ago

It's not abuse, but it definitely gives the other partner and justification to cheat.

by Significant_Hair 6 hours ago

I don't think this is an unpopular opinion. Sex is a vital part of a successful marriage.

by Late-Log 6 hours ago

More like neglect, but I agree with you to a certain point. Too often you hear about partners having their sexual needs neglected. I understand not being in the mood every day or even every week. But you can't find the time to do it even once a month? Sexual intimacy is deeply important to a long-term romantic relationship. Neglecting your partner's sexual needs is disrespectful.

by Anonymous 6 hours ago