Dating multiple people at the same time is wrong, amirite?

Isn't this "the" popular opinion?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I don't think most people think that dating someone that you don't go on to marry is wasting their time. I think it's pretty normal to think that under normal circumstances you don't owe anyone marriage.

by PapayaComplex 2 days ago

No kidding. I'm grateful I'm not dating anymore

by Intelligent-Gap 2 days ago

What? Is that a thing nowadays? I'm so happy I dated in the 1980s lol.

by elviekuhn 2 days ago

This opinion is incredibly popular. I'd go out on a limb and say that 99% of people would agree with you.

by maxineheathcote 2 days ago

But the fact is, that you are knowingly wasting time and emotions of 2 people, at the same time. You could say this about literally every person you've ever dated that didn't go anywhere. Dating is hard enough as it is for everyone - so long as you're going into those with the intention of taking them seriously and you don't keep going once you get serious with someone else, it's fine. My personal cutoff would be once you've kissed someone, you need to call it off with the others.

by Minimum_Web 2 days ago

But when you date one person at a time, you don't know that it won't lead anywhere yet. However, when you date 3 at once, you know that 2 of them won't lead anywhere

by Anonymous 2 days ago

And when you apply for jobs, you know that only one will lead anywhere. The employers know only one of the people will get the job. What's your point? This is only an issue for people who go into dating feeling entitled to end up with the person they're on a date with.

by Minimum_Web 2 days ago

You know plenty of people 'date' to just fool around right?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

If you have an emotional attachment to someone after one or two dates that could simply signal that said person has an unhealthy attachment Yeah you're right, emotional attachment after 1-2 dates is unhealthy but don't you atleast want the person you date to be faithful towards you? Or you prefer the person you date to be in many relationships?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Dating is non committal outside of the date(s). If you don't want your feelings hurt you need to have the conversation.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Some people click instantly, and some take time. Just because you don't catch feelings fast doesn't mean it's unhealthy bro, it just means you've never experienced that level of connection. Plus, healthy people don't generalize human emotions some simulation.

by Aware-Criticism-9505 2 days ago

What a weird way to think. Just be upfront that you're seeing other people, and they can decide for themselves if they want to be a part of that.

by Pfefferheaven 2 days ago

Right!? I'm thinking if I'm dating I'm dating (plural). If I'm in a relationship we're committed to not seeing other people. That's the line, you're either exclusive or you're not.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I'm the type to only date one person at a time, and will only find them attractive etc, so i somewhat agree. BUT. i would set up more than one if I could. Say im chatting to two people at once, setting up two dates is fine, it just keeps your options open. But as soon as one gets a little more serious and I can see her becoming my girlfriend then its down to only one. Casual dating is fine for multiple, once I see one going well, then its only one. I've never had a bad date though, so its usually whoever i go on a date with first is the one i choose.

by Relative-Award554 2 days ago

I am like you, but I don't think its wrong to date multiple people. The way it was explained to me is if you're choosing someone to spend your life with, why shouldn't that be a decision thats made after months of knowing the person. The experience of getting to know somebody is never wasted time in my opinion. It took a lot of growing for me to see the world this way. I've tried it since, its still not for me - but I don't think its wrong if others do.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I don't personally do this because it turns into a slippery slope really quickly. One date turns into 2 which turns into 5 and all of a sudden you realize you've been on many dates with several people and it feels like you're being dishonest to all of them. My threshold is if we're dating with the intent to find a partner and also having sex, that is the only person I'm focusing on until we decide to move on. Because if I want that person in my life long term, I don't want any ambiguity putting that at risk… if it doesn't work, other folks will be there when I'm ready to try again. Granted, I'm now 2 years into a relationship and realize that knowing my boyfriend had been dating someone else for an indeterminate amount of time at the beginning of our relationship would have made me less likely to continue dating him.

by Kautzertheresa 2 days ago

I pretty well agree. Once you start having feelings or kiss your date, I think it should definitely be just one person then. In saying this, dating from apps and the like is a bit of cesspool. It'd be amazingly different if there was far less ghosting/lying/misleading/deception. However that's our world atm.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

The thing is so many people are just dating for fun and don't want an actual relationship. Focusing on one person at a time can be frustrating when you're dating to find a life partner or spouse, so going on a few dates with more than one person can help you find the right person faster. It's like interviewing for jobs; you can't put all your hope on just one. 🤷🏾‍♀️

by Anonymous 2 days ago

And you are probably wasting your time because the one you picked might resent that you were seeing someone else the same time you were dating them. That would not be a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

What if you don't like all three?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

As long as everyone involved knows what's happening and you're not seeing multiple people but pretending otherwise I don't see a problem?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Ive always dated multiple people when I chose to date. It's easier to vet when you're seeing more than one person since you're not entirely attached to them and also when they cancel I have options. Marriage is the biggest commitment I plan on ever making and I'm not making it without exploring multiple options. Dating does not equal to sex.

by Bryana69 2 days ago

How'd this ever be the unpopular opinion?

by Pretend_Disaster 2 days ago

You have a point. Especially the time and money wasting.

by Affectionate_Sir 2 days ago

You are correct in your logic.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

You choose who is more likely to match better and actually wants a commited relationship

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Here's the thing, transparency helps... but it doesn't erase the core issue. Yeah, if everyone "knows" you're dating multiple people, technically it's not lying. But feelings don't run on technicalities. If someone's giving you their full attention and you're splitting yours, that imbalance is selfish, even if you warned them beforehand. Of course, you can say, "I warned you," but what are you looking for in dating? A committed relationship? A partner? Which? Also, be honest. There are so many people in the dating world who lie about dating multiple people at once. You'd think you're exclusive until you find out it's NOPE wrong. It has lots of deception, secretive and outright challenging to navigate. The intent doesn't outweigh impact. You can mean well and still hurt people unnecessarily. Saying "people get hurt sometimes in life" is too dismissive. Understandably that's true, but it doesn't justify choosing actions that are more likely to cause that hurt. Also, the attachment isn't casual. The idea that "people learn and grow from short dating experiences" is partially true, but not everyone treats dating as trial and error. For a lot of people, even stage dating can carry emotional weight. Treating that as disposable minimizes their investment. Lastly, saying "people get hurt in life" is a lazy justification. People also get sick in life... that doesn't mean you cough in their face and shrug it off. If your choices increase the likelihood of someone feeling strung along or undervalued, then yeah, it's objectively selfish.

by Aware-Criticism-9505 2 days ago

Honestly, this is the best take I've seen so far. People who treat dating as disposable, also treat humans as disposable because they just can't fathom how deeply another human can love someone only to be cast aside because there's someone else. Or even how deeply we get hurt by people who decide that it's okay to date multiple people, while maintaining a facade that the relationship is exclusive. They blur the lines, but can't take the heat when someoneelse does the same to them. That's part of why I try to be very careful when it comes to finding a good partner. It's so easy for people to get away with cheating and deception these days that I find it difficult to really trust anyone

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I hear you, and I think you're right that feelings aren't technicalities, someone can agree to something logically but still feel hurt by it emotionally. But here's where I disagree: calling it ‘objectively selfish' assumes there's only one valid way to date, which isn't true for everyone. Some people want exclusivity from the start, others don't. If you're someone who treats early dating as serious investment, then sure, multi-dating feels like disrespect. But for others, dating is exploration, it's about finding compatibility before committing, not trial-and-error with human emotions. That doesn't make their way wrong, it just makes it different. And honestly, the coughing analogy doesn't land for me. Getting sick is unavoidable, but in dating, you can choose your risk tolerance. If exclusivity from day one matters, you can set that boundary. If you're okay with multi-dating, you can opt into it. That's why communication matters, not to erase hurt, but to let people decide if they want to take that risk in the first place. To me, selfishness is hiding your behavior or stringing someone along. Being upfront about it isn't selfish, it's giving them agency. If they still feel undervalued, that's their cue to walk away, not proof you did something inherently wrong.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Just because something is against your personal values doesnt mean its wrong

by Filiberto64 2 days ago

so.... what do you think of being in a polygamous relationship? i have three girlfriends. and they have eachother as girlfriends, as well as me.

by Anonymous 2 days ago