+78 "Dating out of your league" isn't real, amirite?

by gay45 2 days ago

What if one person is National League and the other is American League?

by No_Metal_1535 2 days ago

that just means the baseball yaoi finally made it's debut in the majors

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Time for some interleague play!

by PristineAmbition6587 2 days ago

Then all sex is makeup sex.

by DueBunch1472 2 days ago

This guys streets ahead

by Old-Ambition-8288 2 days ago

i think it is definitely real but most people over estimate how real. but a swamp monster is very unlikely to date world's prettiest girl

by Even-Masterpiece1083 2 days ago

I bet you're feeling really silly right now

by Breanacremin 2 days ago

Well done

by Anonymous 2 days ago

In the movie I think it was Adrienne Barbeau

by Emanuelschmitt 2 days ago

Technically, she (Cabel) fell for Alec in his scientist pre-transformation form, but your point is still valid.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

True, but most of us aren't swamp monsters or Miss Universe contestants. In real life, people connect over shared humor, values, and compatibility way more often than some imaginary beauty contest ranking.

by gay45 2 days ago

You connect over those things, sure. But building a lifelong relationship becomes about more than just that. That's why so many people are addicted to the chase. I pursue plenty of people who are out of my league, but would unlikely successfully build a relationship with many of them.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

If you just look at couples walking down the street you can tell people do indeed tend to marry within their league in terms of attractiveness and level of fitness. Another dynamic is that less attractive women may settle for a good looking man who is a bit socially awkward, because they can't attract a guy with more charisma. When people do marry out of their league there's usually a good reason.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Thing is, when you see a couple on the street, you're only judging based on surface looks. You don't see shared history, humor, values, emotional connection, or the way they make each other feel. From the outside it might look like ‘same league,' but from the inside it's just compatibility that makes sense to them

by gay45 2 days ago

Everything you say is true but it doesn't mean that there aren't different levels of attractiveness

by Anonymous 2 days ago

That's true, but "attractiveness" is made up of many components, and physical appearance is only one of them.

by Hot-Ingenuity 2 days ago

Plenty of us are fatties

by Anonymous 2 days ago

There's things other than physical appearance that are huge drivers of comparability like education and income. You'll not often see an investment banker dating a grocery store clerk.

by davionpadberg 2 days ago

Bankers don't avoid clerks because they're in different ‘leagues'. They usually just don't cross paths. Compatibility comes from shared circles, not some cosmic ranking system.

by gay45 2 days ago

You talk to various clerks, cashiers, baristas, service workers, etc. literally weekly

by davionpadberg 2 days ago

Bruh, casual small talk at a checkout counter isn't the same thing as building a real connection. Get real. Most people aren't trying to date while they're bagging groceries or grabbing coffee. Relationships usually form in spaces where people actually spend time together. Friend groups, hobbies, work, shared communities, etc

by gay45 2 days ago

Yes so we are inherently stratified by social circles which are often driven by incomes and education because that drives everything else i.e. where you live, the hobbies you can afford, the gym you go to, the places you eat, etc. etc. it's true that the middle 33% of people are not that different but there are definitely tiers in society

by davionpadberg 2 days ago

You're right, social circles ARE often shaped by income and education. that's why people usually end up with partners from similar backgrounds. But that's still not a universal ‘league system,' it's just proximity. If you shuffle the deck and put people in different environments, you'd see plenty of ‘cross-league' relationships form. Social sorting explains patterns, but it doesn't prove a rigid hierarchy of who's ‘allowed' to date who.

by gay45 2 days ago

The point is that there are no "leagues"

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Then why is a swamp monster not gonna date a pretty girl. It's almost like swamp monster is a league, and pretty is a league.

by Hkeebler 2 days ago

When it comes to levels of "attractiveness." But there are people who should die alone and those people are very often dating out of their league.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yes, there is a natural hierarchy. All else equal, average people looksmatch. It's called assortative mating. That's why beautiful average couples (i.e., partners who have average lives but are physically beautiful) always look alike. They dont mate with less attractive people.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Well maybe there are sort of but they're way overstated

by Anonymous 2 days ago

If we accept there's levels, e.g. pretty girl and swamp monster, then there's leagues. It's just another word for the same thing.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Didn't Lana del Ray marry a swamp person

by Weimannlily 2 days ago

Next you'll tell me Shrek is fiction

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Take a look at the wives of Trump, or Rupert Murdoch, or any number of old Billionaire bastards and try saying that again.

by Dangerous-Fill 2 days ago

My point is they're not getting their wives on good looks and charm, money is enough, if you have enough money. Your second last paragraph seems to suggest you do think there is a league.

by Dangerous-Fill 2 days ago

Bro you're out of touch if you don't understand the kind of wealth needed to achieve this kind of men. Like I don't know how to tell you. But your degree from some State Uni and 500K job isn't enough if you don't have the elite social status that only comes from being raised in a truly wealthy household or maybe building a network of wealthy people from college or school Like I'm sorry but literallly every clown dude in America thinks they deserve a good woman only cause they have a good job. No bro get over it.

by BiteAggravating 2 days ago

Not really sure what your point is here? When have I said that should be getting a billionaire's wife? If anything I've said the opposite of that.

by Dangerous-Fill 2 days ago

My point is you have some delusional standards. I'm giving you a reality check. You're not a Billionaire so why are you even tryna compare yourself to them?

by BiteAggravating 2 days ago

Okay fair enough. Apologies if I misread

by BiteAggravating 2 days ago

The vast, vast majority of men don't even have a "good job." The person you are describing is a trust fund kid. Are you really saying that ONLY trust fund kids get girls because they have money? That's just statistically impossible.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I make 500K so I know this is good money.. Unfortunately you don't realize thats not how dating works. Leading like this is not good enough. I feel sorry for guys like this because you all act like you think you deserve someone because you make money. Your Brain has been warped with this idk how to tell you to think differently

by BiteAggravating 2 days ago

lol unfortunately this ain't even true

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Why unfortunately?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I disagree. I think leagues definitely exist. If leagues didn't exist, that would mean we all have an equal amount of dating options but we know that's not true. Some individuals are considered more desirable than others in the dating market. Traits that make you more desirable include: conventional attractiveness, wealth, charisma, clean criminal history etc. When a person has a lot of dating options, they tend to want to date people who also have a lot of options. That's usually how it goes. Keyword is USUALLY though because leagues are not absolutely set in stone. So it is possible for two people from different leagues to date each other and stay committed long term. But this isn't the norm tho. The majority of couples are matched up league wise.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Except for when my PhD having-mother decides to date absolute trash.

by fay31 2 days ago

Not in a misogynistic way but that's most likely because a woman with a PHD is not generally a thing that most men really care about. Is she funny, good looking, caring, kind? Extremely educated is way up the list. I think most guys would want a woman with a good degree of intelligence but its not a massive factor that most men look for.

by shanahanmaximil 2 days ago

Nah I mean like, she's an intelligent woman, she has a good job, gets paid well, she's fun... But she has a history of dating deadbeats.

by fay31 2 days ago

Ah fair enough

by shanahanmaximil 2 days ago

Being able to obtain a degree does not automatically absolve one of their own trashy-ness. Water seeks its own level

by jadynbrown 2 days ago

And some people just have low standards and poor taste lol. I agree, having several degrees* does not automatically absolve one from their own trashiness. However, having several degrees while being a single mom and working multiple jobs and then deciding to date an addict who couldn't keep a job and treats her like dookie... Well, That's going to just add salt on the wound.

by fay31 2 days ago

There's a reason she feels most comfortable with and is drawn to those types. Do with that info what you will

by jadynbrown 2 days ago

And some people are drawn to cheaters, that doesn't automatically put them in the same league as cheaters

by fay31 2 days ago

Theres a reason for everything

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Use this same logic on women who constantly find themselves in abusive relationships. Do with that info what you will

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Nah. I got monkey branched to a way better off dude. I've accepted that's just how life goes lol

by Interesting-Edge-718 1 day ago

Oh trust it's a recent expression for me too. Wild how prevalent it is 🤣

by Interesting-Edge-718 1 day ago

Dating out of your league is very real, because we are social creatures that follow social rules. And one of those rules is classifying people in tiers or "leagues" of desirability Just because a couple doesnt fit the rules doesnt mean they're destined to fail, but they will encounter issues unique to those created social standards. And that can cause issues in a relationship. Sucks, but thats the reality. But I get your point, the rest of us are the ones making their relationship difficult n we should just let them be.

by Practical_Plate 1 day ago

I think the point though is that the former either a, wouldn't date the guy in question, b the guy in question has some kind of redeeming qualities, c despite her success she isn't that smart. Which brings us to OP's point.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

And they would never even have met in the first place, because neckbeard dude never leaves his basement, and the wealthy successful woman is not gonna be using dating apps.

by Hot-Ingenuity 1 day ago

I think you'd be suprised how many people have significant others that contribute nothing to their relationship.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I agree with you that compatibility goes beyond looks. Ambition, values, and lifestyle definitely matter. But I'd still say that doesn't make it about ‘leagues.' It's more about alignment. Someone who's built a certain kind of life will probably want a partner who shares that energy. That's not them being ‘out of your league,' that's just what compatibility looks like.

by gay45 1 day ago

What can I say. Tomayto, tomahto.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Yeah someone who is really fit and into exercise and diet is more likely to date someone who also is not just because thats what they are more likely to be attracted to but also that they have those things in common

by kacey23 1 day ago

Honestly that's the only "league" I really believe in. Like if one person is emotionally intelligent, does things for their partner without being asked, and puts effort into the relationship, then They're "out of the league" of their partner who doesn't do any of those things.

by Prestigious_Jelly 1 day ago

Fair point but that still doesn't prove leagues exist. Rudeness might be a turnoff for most people, but that's just one trait. Nobody's sitting there with a master spreadsheet ranking every human. Attraction is too messy and individual for that.

by gay45 1 day ago

Leagues exist when some people rate others. Maybe you don't rate them, but many people do. Otherwise, terms like "he/she's a 10" wouldn't exist.

by Sufficient-Monk4125 1 day ago

The same person can be one person's 10 and another person's 2 though.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

This is pure cope. In reality, looks or wealth is basically everything. Not saying personality doesnt matter at all, but it's actually way less than people make it seem to be. People don't understand the advantages and the better quality of life that comes with it are very real.

by Macey14 1 day ago

People don't understand how far a god personality will get you, because you can't see charisma. You can see looks from afar and make a judgement based on knowing nothing about the couple except what is visible. Leagues exist, but it's not about looks. It's about the whole person, and personality is a huge part of that.

by aufderharhorace 1 day ago

Nah. Looks and wealth definitely help, no denying that. But if they were the only things that mattered, every person flaunting a six-pack or a Lambo would have their pick of soulmates. Attraction's a lot more layered than flexing surface qualities

by gay45 1 day ago

Who says they dont? Definetly helps with having more options more easily. They will never have a problem of not being able to find someone. I agree it's more layered, but being attractive and wealthy matters more. Especially in the dating world now.

by Macey14 1 day ago

Well sure, being attractive and wealthy gets you more options but options aren't the same as meaningful connections. If flaunting abs and money was all it took, half of Instagram wouldn't be single and miserable.

by gay45 1 day ago

So are you implying that research on averages means a universal ranking system exists? Because it doesn't. On average, people date those with similar wealth, attractiveness, and lifestyle but that's because we meet people in our own circles, not because some invisible ‘league commissioner' is assigning us scores. Outliers aren't delusions, they're literally proof that attraction works on more than just stats. And when it comes to lasting happiness, those so-called ‘intangibles' matter more than a spreadsheet of wealth + looks.

by gay45 1 day ago

Fair enough. I think we're mostly talking past each other at this point. I don't deny that wealth and attractiveness matter, but I still don't think that equals a fixed ‘league system.' To me, it's about compatibility within whatever circles people move in. Anyway, good convo.

by gay45 1 day ago

Agreed. And the whole "league" thing assumes we're all playing the same sport.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I think a couple should be fairly close in intelligence or its not going to work.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

i don't take leagues seriously

by Anonymous 1 day ago

ok, sure lets use a different phrasing. It was obvious to everyone that she could do better than me.

by Heavy-Builder-9707 1 day ago

Nothing that isn't tangible is real, but we humans make it real through our behavior. This is one of them

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It's also just a dumb humblebrag too. Like wow yeah let me check out your wife bro.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

How come I haven't had sex with Paris Hilton then?

by CommercialVivid 1 day ago

Because you don't know paris hilton, probably

by bailey74 1 day ago

Surely she would because of your great personality, right?

by keelingkathryne 1 day ago

I feel sorry for Paris Hilton. I watched her documentary and her boyfriend in the documentary (they break up) is… not great. Stupid, ugly, weird.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Crazy scary spooky hilarious

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Not sure if you're trolling but Paris Hilton isn't ‘out of your league'. She's just not someone you know personally. That's about access and circumstance, not some universal ranking system of attraction. The whole ‘league' idea is more about everyday dating dynamics than about celebrities buddy.

by gay45 1 day ago

For women, you're absolutely right. For men, you're in fantasy land unless he's rich.

by Timely_Tangerine2524 1 day ago

It's because James is fat and not attractive. That's all it is. You don't see ladies gushing over him the way they do Jason Momoa for example. Because one of those men in attractive to most women and the other is not.

by wildermanharley 1 day ago

Funny, because Kevin James has a beautiful wife of 20 years and Jason Momoa just got divorced. If ‘universally attractive' was all it took, reality would line up a lot cleaner.

by gay45 1 day ago

You don't feel like Britney Spears was out of Kevin Federline's league?

by okunevagiovanny 1 day ago

OP ends with if people choose each other then they are in the same "league." I agree, but leagues do exist. There aren't hard lines or rules, but within a certain culture, there is a league. When people say "your girlfriend is out of your league" they are normally just being mean, but leagues do exist.

by Joyundt 1 day ago

I dont know...I hear what you are saying but its a thing bc its a thing.. you are saying it doesnt matter bc 2 people like each other...which is fine... but it just applies to the idea that 2 people are from different worlds... I think you just find it offensive...which is reasonable

by Anonymous 1 day ago

My life experience says.not only otherwise, but that i am on a league of my own. In a bad way.

by verdanolan 1 day ago

To an extent, I agree but its when loser (usually) guys with no ambitions, dont take care of themselves, think they should be in the same dating pool as someone as beautiful and accomplished as Lupita Nyong'o, I would say that hes trying to date out of his league. Be realistic about what you can offer someone in a relationship. Not to say you are worth less as a human, or that your 'league' never changes, but its important for everyone to have dating standards.

by Lavinia99 1 day ago

Definitely nailed the unpopular opinion. People date/marry people in their league in terms of look, fitness etc and if you do date someone out of your league you're lucky, or rich enough to pull higher.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Celebrities are a terrible example. Most of us won't date them for the same reason we won't date astronauts or royalty. It's about lifestyle, exposure, and access, not attraction levels. In everyday dating, people connect across so-called ‘leagues' all the time.

by gay45 1 day ago

I remember a guy cheated on me with a girl he previously said was "out of his league", which only made me wonder: was I in his league, or below it?

by Anonymous 1 day ago

First he wins the lottery, then he meets the love of his life a few days later. What a lucky guy

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Leagues absolutely exist. Some people underestimate their value and others can fake value for a while.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It certainly does exist. Why would the world's best looking man/women date an ugly/average, in shape/fat, nobody? I think Jenna Ortega is cute, I have nothing to offer. Myself isn't a very valuable item when she has millions of better options.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Jenna Ortega's not dating you for the same reason you're not dating your local Starbucks barista. It's not about leagues, it's about access.

by gay45 1 day ago

I can go to my local Starbucks, doesn't mean any of them want to date me. Just like I can go to a meet and greet with Ortega, doesn't mean she'll date me either. Do rich/famous/good looking people get with average bozos and dorks, it's very rare. It's usually the really old guys, 80yr+ that want to feel special so they "date" a hot 20 yr old.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Nah, humans are constantly comparing and trying for their best options

by Mindless-Hedgehog426 1 day ago

There's definitely some sad but true scientific studies on physical attractiveness that I found pretty interesting.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

last statement is way too final. People dont know their own value all the time and date beneath them, either in looks, personality, financial status, etc.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

It's less of a league and more in your element. A league involves a heirarchy of established looks, wealth, and prestige. Which on the surface you can say IS how dating works. But dating within your element means cultural background, ambitions, values, likes/dislikes and common acquaintances. Leagues are to arbitrarily defined, but you can better gauge your success and long-term term viability if you know your partner is within your element. Obligatory, "Donny, you're out of your element."

by Anonymous 1 day ago

My brother in law was broke, bald, and had sever undiagnosed ADHD. He snagged my masters student sister who turned down PhDs from Stanford and other computer guys from Cal. Race has a factor

by Fadeldeshawn 1 day ago

Bless your heart. Your right, it's not real. It's a figure of speech.

by chaimcrooks 1 day ago

I agree, you've worded it way better than I could lmao

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I hate how surface level it is. Like no... Someone isn't "out of your league" just because they're hotter than you or because they make more money than you. Idk I just find the sentiment kinda icky... It's like those people who genuinely believe in hierarchies, but in that kind of "This person should be treated better than this person because they're higher up on the hierarchy" way, instead of just treating everyone like people regardless of what "position" they might have.

by Prestigious_Jelly 1 day ago

In your early 20s, I would say ranking a person out of your league is very real. People are so high on themselves and picky at that young age. By the time, you're 30, I'd say that idea is mostly gone. People don't have the time to waste anymore.

by Lost_Ad2565 1 day ago

Exactly. I never met someone who learned to routinely seduce women ever mention "leagues". I frequently hear guys who used to suck but are now good say, "She finds you attractive enough to spend time following your lead." Usually, it's only guys who have never tried working on themselves who blame leagues. "It's not about how I never spoke to a woman like a person or my rude tone - it's my league!"

by Macimohr 1 day ago