+82 Asking someone "where are from originally?" isn't really rude, amirite?

by earlinebrekke 3 days ago

It's said to people who don't have an accent is the issue.

by Emelystreich 3 days ago

I agree, like they're trying to ask my race/ethnicity in a polite way but it just comes out more offensive. Like where am I from originally? The US bro There's a scene in Cobra Kai where LaRusso asks an Asian kid where he's from originally and he says "my parents are from Irvine" and I'm like that's so real kid

by Born_Cow 3 days ago

My favorite is how they'll go back generations. "Where are you from?" Maryland "what about your parents?" Maryland "what about your grandparents?" Maryland. Im half Asian and look fairly racial ambiguous so I've gotten a lot of these questions. Once a guy randomly came up to me and asked what language I spoke and then went through a list guessing. Like I have zero issue with someone i know/occasionally talk to asking what my heritage is but if it's a stranger I'm going to give smart ass answers

by Anonymous 3 days ago

Bruh in San Jose an old Spanish lady asked me where I was from. I am white skinny with brown hair and speak with a generic American SoCal accent.

by Anonymous 3 days ago

To be fair, it used to be Spain. She could have been a 250 year old vampire

by Anonymous 3 days ago

LOL best reason I ever heard. She also asked me this question on two separate occasions which made me think its her go to question for everyone.

by Anonymous 3 days ago

Michael Scott: "Wow. Wow. That is... That is a great story. That's the American dream right there, right? Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?"

by Anonymous 3 days ago

It's still annoying even if you have an accent. I moved here 25 years ago and am still asked 4-5 times a day.

by Anonymous 3 days ago

My colleague was born and raised in India and has no accent in his speech at all. I only figured out he wasn't native after he got angry and turned British with "Bloodly this and Bloody that" so .... Accent shouldn't be a defining factor either.

by Proof_Emotion_1547 3 days ago

Why? Can't I be interested in your heritage? You can ask me mine but it's pretty boring.

by Anonymous 3 days ago

Well then you ask about their family heritage. Not "where are you from?"

by Realistic-Walk 3 days ago

Are we supposed to pretend that most people asking are genuinely interested in the other person's heritage? Supporting plausible deniability to preserve an inquiry that barely matters is a bad trade.

by Anonymous 3 days ago

Why can't people be interested in heritage?

by Anonymous 3 days ago

I disagree because you can't accurately tell whether someone is an immigrant. I (an American) have a slight speech impediment and a lot of people mistake it for a British accent, for example.

by Anonymous 3 days ago

But you know lots of people find it deeply rude and racially charged (and are not necessarily talking to people with accents when it's asked!), and it's just so easy to just NOT do it. So why do it? Why argue for your "right" to do something so trivial when it's so easy to just, not? There are so many kinder and more meaningful ways to kick off that kind of small talk, in contexts where it's appropraite to do so: "Have you lived in CURRENT CITY your whole life?" or "Did you go to school in CURRENT CITY?" is usually my go-to to generate small talk about where we've all been without making assumptions based on language or skin colour.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

It's considered rude because not everyone is an immigrant or a first gen immigrant. If someone tells you they were born in a specific state, don't keep hammering that they should tell you where they're "really from."

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I agree that the "where are you really from" for people born in the US is often poorly received, but I truly think the issue is more with wording than intent. A better wording would maybe be "where is your family from". For lots of white Americans, where their family is from is a point of pride and they love to brag about how "Italian"/"irish"/"german" etc they are. I think that's a bit silly personally, but that is the mindset they're coming from usually.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yeah, I can tell you right now, it's not the people of italian/irish/german heritage that are getting asked where they're from.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Asking "where are you from" the first time is ENOUGH. I guarantee they've told you all they want to tell you after that question. If they want to discuss their immigration story or the culture of their parents, they will.

by According_Weight_11 2 days ago

You can't tell who has immigrated to the U.S. (that's where I live) based off skin colour or accent alone. I had plenty of Hispanic and Indian friends growing up in my school who were born and raised in America but had accents because that's literally how their family talks. It is rude to ask "where are you from originally" because you are assuming they aren't from that country based on their looks or accents. A lot of people with accents unfamiliar to you are still originally from the country they currently live in.

by Imaginary-Sand-7692 2 days ago

Perfectly legitimate question to ask, it's actually really sad that this is an unpopular opinion.

by Intrepid-Gap9123 2 days ago

because its not

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Doing anything alone is largely frowned upon in a lot of societies in 2025.

by Intrepid-Gap9123 2 days ago

When I road trip to a different province people ask where I'm from because the accent is different. My own experience has been good conversations. Some people could use it with bad intentions though.

by Deionbarton 2 days ago

I think it depends how you phrase it. "What is your family's background?" seems less accusatory.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I prefer to ask what other languages they speak

by fisherrichie 2 days ago

I've never seen this point raised when the question is being directed at an immigrant. Its when the question is directed at a third gen immigrant whose grandparents moved in the 60s and their only ties to their grandparents' homeland is through their immediate family. Its othering! Basically implying, "you're not white so you aren't truly Canadian (or whatever country), what are you then?"

by Accurate_Audience 2 days ago

Everyone is so sensitive about everything anymore! Sheesh! It's usually just basic conversation. I am a genealogy buff, so i always ask where people's families came from. Nothing racial, no hidden agenda or judgment, it's just curiosity because of my interests.

by Hspencer 2 days ago

I don't mind people being curious. "Where are you from originally?" is a lot less rude than "what are you?" which I used to get fairly often

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I've been asked this because I live in the Midwest and have a moch. So my vernacular and accent are very different. Answer, Cajun raised in Albuquerque.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

You know it's not cause of an accent right?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I'm Scottish, and get asked all the time where I am from. I don't get offended or annoyed because I'm an adult and not a brainwashed American.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I'm not an immigrant and I'm asked all the time. It's incredibly annoying.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Why is it annoying? Genuinely curious as to why a simple question gets you so negatively emotional.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Because when you are an immigrant, people do let you know you are not part of this country. Even if you have already assimilated to the country.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

When you're asked the same question hundreds or maybe thousands of times in your life, and when the answer is "I'm from here" but that isn't apparently good enough for the person asking, it's pretty freaking annoying.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

It's not just rude; it's often racist and xenophobic when you're white and asking it of a non-white person in the US or most of Europe. The implication is that they don't belong there, while you do.

by Giovanna55 2 days ago

Exactly this! It's a harmless question but often has really cruel implications behind it.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

It is one of those things, and I'll say this strongly, what makes you entitled to wanting to know about it, out of curiosity or otherwise? Like there are folks that just want to be left alone and not wanted to asked something relatively personal.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I think it is sort of rude if people see I am a foreigner and do not even care to ask where I am from. It feels very alienating. It is almost like assuming I am ashamed of my background.

by Secure_Ambition 2 days ago

Though why would you feel ashamed if they did NOT ask where you were from, especially from strangers or people you just met? Like you shouldn't feel less validated just because they didn't ask. If you want to feel proud of where you were from, there are better ways.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

It's not "personal" at all. In fact, your nationality is one of the least personal attributes about you.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

About as much as I am entitled on asking how you are doing today, what you are up to this weekend, if you are married, have any siblings or where you went to school. We usually call this "small talk".

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Which I always ignore, because they're none of your damn business.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

You must be fun at parties

by Anonymous 2 days ago

They probably aren't invited to any parties.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Why not just lie in that scenario. Nothing hurta to be polite about it

by btreutel 2 days ago

It's no one's business. And I work in customer service. That's too much "fine" "good" "same old, same old". I just "good morning/ afternoon. How can I help you?". If I'm talking with friends, yeah that's different. But this was a "random person" question. And, no, I'm not asking you, either.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

All good dude, carry on

by btreutel 2 days ago

It didn't used to be an issue but now a lot of young people often consider it culturally insensitive

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Agreed. In fact, I find it more annoying when I clearly look different and people just assume I was brought up in the US and can relate to their experiences. Like how about you take an interest in my, very different, experience.

by LibraryLivid 2 days ago

It implies they arent from where they grew up and arent supposed to be there. But if you ask where did their family immigrate from id agree.

by Durgancory 2 days ago

I wouldn't say it's offensive, but it's annoying getting asked that all the time just because I'm not white.

by Elegant_Case 2 days ago

I always say they have a beautiful accent first. Then I ask.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Context in this question is extremely important.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I believe most people who ask the question are just trying to be conversational and are genuinely curious about ethnicity, but it can really come across as bad form. Asians get this a lot, so I'll speak from that perspective. If someone asked me where I'm from, and I said whatever American city, then following up by asking me where I'm "really" from implies that I was born or raised elsewhere. Many Asian-American Gen Xers were actually born and raised in the US, and that proportion grows with younger generations. So the only truthful answer for those folks is, "I'm really from [some US town]," but it sounds like the asker was assuming I couldn't have been born in the US. I think there's also some growing uneasiness when being asked where you're ancestors come from because 1) there are more mixed-race people than before and 2) a lot of countries are looked down upon by some Westerners and they don't want to trigger judgment by answering. So my suggestion is if you're asked this question by a stranger, don't assume the worst. Answer respectfully, and if you suspect you're going to be asked where you're "really" from, just lead by saying your ancestral country/countries of origin. Or you can even ask, "Do you mean where do I live or what's my ethnicity?" You may be met with hostility, but you might also engage in a neat conversation.

by Mitchel40 2 days ago

4th generation Asian American, my family was in the states in 1880 and I'm asked. It's rude, accent or not

by Brilliant-General238 2 days ago

It's said to people who've already stated where they're from. When they double down, I often reply "from my daddy's scrotum, since you didn't like my original response"

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Not everyone is using this question with good intentions....

by Ok-House 2 days ago

It is said to people just for being brown/etc.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

People don't owe you their life story. What's offensive or in poor taste for someone is not for you to decide.

by Impressive-Excuse 2 days ago

This is a beautiful example for why there's no such thing as offensive language. Everyone decides for themselves how the feel.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I understand that no one owes me their life story. That's not the point. Like when I ask someone's name, they're not obligated to answer. They're free to ignore the question or even give a fake name. And that's perfectly valid. But that doesn't mean asking their name is automatically in poor taste or offensive. As an immigrant, I find these kinds of conversations meaningful. They give me a chance to connect, share my own background, and offer a piece of my culture in return. It is a chance that we have actual culture exchange.

by Extreme-Ocelot-13 2 days ago

What others find offensive is not for you to argue is my point. Being annoyed, offended by people asking you is not a bad thing to complain about. I personally don't find it meaningful or enriching to have someone respond to me "I love [insert renown dish from said place]" or "My babysitter was also a [insert ethnicity] when I was 6" when I mention where I'm from… And that's usually the brunt of the complaints.

by Impressive-Excuse 2 days ago

I'm Asian American and I was talking to some stranger from the U.K. visiting the city I grew up in and he asked me where I was from. I said I was from here, and he said very confidently "yeah but you weren't born here". I was, in fact, born here.

by Substantial_Trip 2 days ago

it's not rude to ask where you're from originally if they've immigrated If you know for a fact that they're an immigrant, then no, of course it's not rude to ask. It's only problematic when people assume someone is an immigrant, which is something that seems to happen a whole lot.

by AdorableHawk8491 2 days ago

Two of my grandparents did this to anyone who had any kind of accent (that wasn't Southern) or wasn't white (except obvious African-Americans). It embarrassed me so much. It actually still embarrasses me to think about it 15 years later. It's demeaning, patronizing racism disguised as friendly interest.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

No one thinks this is rude

by Anonymous 2 days ago

People ask me this all the time and it's very annoying because I don't have an answer. All my great grandparents were born in the US. I'm from half of Europe but my family living there predates the current nations in many cases. People don't just accept Massachusetts. People don't just accept, "Dude I'm just white okay". It gets very annoying.

by Anxious_Gur 2 days ago