Vulnerability is more attractive than confidence in romantic partners. amirite?

vulnerable doesn't necessarily mean insecure. Sharing something like "I don't really want kids but I feel really guilty about that since I know how much my mom wants grandchildren" is vulnerable but not insecure at all

by Anonymous 4 days ago

I don't know about other men but I've never met a woman who wants to hear a man complain about life or who wants to sound weak. Just the truth

by Think-Chapter 4 days ago

Truth is nobody is made of steel. Everyone has wounds, everyone has moments where they break down. Expecting otherwise is just unrealistic. Any person who wants someone who is "never weak" doesn't want an equal partner. Most women do value vulnerability because we aren't stupid. As hard as any man tries, it's visible when you re in pain, and that doesn't make you weak. I m sorry this was your experience. It's not worth being with someone who never allows you to be anything but a stone. That isn't healthy love, and that isn't a partnership. You don't love someone if you want them to suffer alone in silence.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Oh it's not healthy. But I've never met a woman who wants a man to show his vulnerabilities. Any time I've ever been weak or shown emotion it's been used against me and thrown back in my face. And the sadder part is I know I'm not the only man that's experienced that. Men chime in here if you've had it thrown back in your face

by Think-Chapter 4 days ago

Yea I know. I don't know first hand ofc, but I have had many men in my life tell me their experiences and it really crushed me. I m really sorry and really sad this is a thing and i truly wish you all to find the proper people who you can open yourself up to. Just know, it really doesn't make you weak at all. I think it actually shows strength to be able to overcome these things and face your feelings. The world really sucks when it comes to teaching us how to be. There are women who care, and tbh it's better to be alone than to be with someone who cares about you so little. I really wish you guys good luck and really strengthen friendships and any support system you have. You don't have to face life alone. Keeping it all inside leads to really bad things, and this is one of the reasons male suicide rates are so high.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

"Tbh it's better to be alone than to be with someone who cares about you so little." That is exactly the reason why men are dating less than ever before. That why the "manosphere" has blown up and the red pill movement is what it is. That's why we have declining birth rates in developed nations now. It's why so many quality men have given up on finding love and trying relationships. And it's why women are more depressed than ever. Apathy. It's a bitch.

by Think-Chapter 4 days ago

You're right man. I'm not saying there aren't women out there that are actually cool about it, but there are very few of them. Honestly I think the majority of the women on here claiming they want men to be open will get the ick if they do.

by Round-Foundation 4 days ago

I didn't say anything about sounding weak or complaining about life

by levifadel 4 days ago

Talking about your insecurities and worries = weaknesses

by Think-Chapter 4 days ago

I agree with that mostly!

by levifadel 4 days ago

imo vulnerability and confidence are not mutually exclusive. vulnerability is healthy and sexy, but insecurity is maddening. it's one thing to say, "my parents divorced when I was an adult and it's made me nervous about trusting long term relationships" and quite another to say, "promise you won't leave me. you hate me don't you?"

by Anonymous 4 days ago

If someone is able to be open about their vulnerabilities I'd argue that's a certain type of confidence in and of itself

by Anonymous 4 days ago

I m very confused on your definition of vulnerability. Someone who is confident and comfortable in themselves can still be open and vulnerable. These things are not mutually exclusive.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

What if they're confident but vulnerable in sharing their shortcomings?

by Anonymous 4 days ago

That's very attractive, but the vulnerability contributes more than the confidence to that for me. People who lack confidence usually do because of wounds from their past and I don't look at people as less appealing as partners or people for that

by levifadel 4 days ago

Confidence and Vulnerability aren't mutually exclusive? I feel like there are some misconceptions here. Confidence doesn't mean you aren't vulnerable. In fact, it's often quite the opposite. It TAKES confidence for a lot of people to be vulnerable. For example: I'm vulnerable with people I just meet. How? Because I'm confident in who I am, overall, as a person. And because of that I can openly talk about anything and everything in my life. What motivates me, what I'm afraid of, what I'm looking for, etc.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

They aren't mutually exclusive and I never said they were. I mean that vulnerability is at least as attractive as confidence and other people rarely acknowledge that.

by levifadel 4 days ago

Don't ever believe a woman when she says this lol

by Anonymous 4 days ago

I am a man saying this

by levifadel 4 days ago

Biologically, females are programmed to seek a protector. Confidence makes a mate seem able to offer protection.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

People spending way too much time looking for the one instead of the one who doesn't shy back on opening up. If you find someone you get along with on the communication level, you'll feel love for them because you don't want to lose them. We are what we are and that is a human being who has no other choice but to seek out communication on a level that is being understood. Also why we wish to seek out and find similar life forms in space, sharing hobbies, etc. It's no rocket science, just instincts expressed by our need to socialize.

by Feisty_Basket 4 days ago

I agree. Someone who is open and communicates what they're feeling is what I'm looking for ultimately. Not someone who's necessarily very confident or flashy or whatever

by levifadel 4 days ago

Too much of either, can be unappealing. Think the balance has to be right.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Interesting. Maybe the ability to be vulnerable is the ultimate confidence.

by Outrageous-Guess5143 4 days ago

I think this depends on the execution

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Balance is key.

by Magdalenmoen 4 days ago

They kind of come hand in hand. Someone who is confident in themselves and the relationship will find it easier to be vulnerable.

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Ok real question… I am very aware of my feelings and USUALLY able to control them, but they also overtake me at times. Is being aware of what you deal with and largely, why and what sets you off… is that something that people find appealing on the grounds of being insightful? Or unappealing, on the grounds it's admitting you're kind of crazy?

by Anonymous 4 days ago

Not to me

by Anonymous 4 days ago

I wish more people shared this view, the world would be a better place

by Antoninawest 4 days ago