Couples never fighting is not a problem. amirite?

You can get pretty damn close, but no disagreements at all is hard to believe.

by Flimsy-Bath 2 days ago

And honestly, that seems like it would be a boring relationship. I don't want to date a clone of myself.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yeah I don't think they mean fighting fighting but more disagreements. How do people communicate during disagreements is the key thing they're implying. Is it talking things out and figuring out a solution or is it the door slamming and screaming at each other?

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yes it is similar to bickering. It usually involves passive aggressive behavior.

by Dangerous-Society 2 days ago

Yeah, I think this depends on what you consider fighting. If a couple said they never even argue, I'd have a hard time believing it or I'd suspect that one of them just never wants to speak up for themselves. There are no 2 people on earth who have the exact same feelings about everything at the exact same times always.

by Dangerous-Society 2 days ago

Precisely. You simply can not agree on everything. But to argue about something can be in a civilised manner. Like adults, instead of yelling/screaming and slamming doors. The latter to me is a kind of psychology pressure to get what you want.

by reece13 2 days ago

Agreed. I've argued with coworkers, but I am not going to get belligerent at work. I'm not stupid. It's more of a serious debate. No one is getting insulted or yelled at or threatened.

by Dangerous-Society 2 days ago

Whats to argue about? We disagree but not enough to discuss it. I think Lamar Jackson is going to win MVP.. you dont? The only response I have is "ah hell". I dont care enough to try and persuade you lol

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I think this is the big difference, my wife and I have disagreements but we have literally had maybe two actual "fights" in our entire relationship

by Anonymous 2 days ago

My wife is not a therapist and we still don't argue or fight. We disagree on some minor things but almost never and it's really quite a great way to live.

by Usual-Goose 2 days ago

I was going to give a similar take. I guess it depends on how you view a "fight", because to me that involves shouting or saying mean things and I've never done that in a relationship. But also something I had to learn was that it's okay to confront problems. Confrontations where people can't keep their composure and yell or say things they regret aren't good, but neither is letting issues go unresolved. I'm an extremely laid back person and it's very easy for me to just let things go when they irritate me. That can make me easy to get along with in a lot of ways. Sometimes though what it means is that you end up down the line with twenty problems you never addressed. Those can stack up into a big issue and resentment. They lead to worse arguments if you ever do bring them up. A good relationship isn't one without disagreements or problems to resolve, it's one that finds an effective way to resolve them when they arise.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yeah, if you and your SO genuinely possess the skills to calmly navigate what most couples resolve with a shouting match, then yeah, that can work. But you can't avoid your way out of disagreements, that will eventually come crashing down.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Being laid back can have its downsides. It's something I've worked on being better at. Like the classic example is the "what do you want to eat?", "Whatever you want". It feels like you're being helpful but really sometimes you're forcing your partner to make all the decisions when they're tired or brain-fried from work and really just want you to make the choice for them. Or there's when the partner criticises something you've done and you go "Well, you always do a, b, c, d, e, f...and I never complain". Suddenly all those things are massive because now they see you have this long list of problems with them.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Well said. The driving thing is so true. The wife and I have a 3 year old and 5 year old. It's been rough for a while but thankfully we are slowly working our way back to getting along like we did before kids just with kids now. "Two rational, conscientious adults" I like that.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Let's just say that we love Waze. Communication is more listening than talking, after all.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

Yeah we talk through disagreements typically. Sometimes if I'm having a bad mental health day I will get snippy with him but we always apologize. We often say that it's more common for us to get into "apology fights" than real ones. "I'm so sorry." "Why? You have nothing to be sorry for. I'M sorry." lol

by Sure_Education_519 2 days ago

The issue, as I see it, is that one of the definitions of 'fight' is simply 'quarrel or argue', and that is what a lot of people mean when they DO say fight. While the first two definitions of fight are about violent altercations, the third one is simply about arguing with someone. So, your definition of fighting is more about the first, while someone else's might be more about the third definition.

by Elegant_Art 2 days ago

When people say this they don't mean like a yelling, angry fight (or if they do then they're stupid and/or trying to justify to themselves their unhealthy relationship). They mean that couples who avoid conflict have a toxic dynamic where one is afraid to stand up for themselves or is too passive which spells trouble in the long term because dormant resentments will eventually bubble up or they will just emotionally divest from the relationship and it will fizzle out. You have to be able to speak up for yourself and confront conflict. Unless you genuinely never have different desires or opinions or priorities in any way which would be extremely unlikely

by KitchenCommercial 2 days ago

How the hell is it bad if a couple never fights? That's great that they have that type of connections where that don't have to go at it at each other the hell? I'm sorry but whoever said this is either a very toxic person or has a very screws missing in there head.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

When people say "never fights" in this case, they typically mean a relationship with zero disagreements so nothing ever gets talked out.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I'm sorry but whoever said this is either a very toxic person or has a very screws missing in there head. It depends on what they're considering a "fight". Some people consider even mild disagreement (let alone yelling or physically fighting) to be a "fight" in their relationship. That's not healthy in the sense that you and your spouse are individuals. Sure, you should have similar shared values, but eventually you will find something you disagree on. It can be something relatively trivial, but if you don't feel comfortable voicing that disagreement or don't know how to communicate without actively fighting, it can often build up resentment and bleed into other parts of the relationship.

by Durganjaeden 2 days ago

Going on 12 years, have never had anything id consider a "fight". If we disagree on something we just talk about it, its not hard. As cliche as it is, I blame media, the whole "every couple fights" crap in movies and stuff is bull. If you fight with your partner all the time, you're not a good couple.

by angelinastiedem 2 days ago

Or, effective communication and constructive arguments

by Pretend_Stress 2 days ago

Yeah I think you can disagree but just have conversations and figure it out.

by Dell86 2 days ago

Some people can't communicate without fighting and believe everyone needs to fight to communicate. A relationship without communication is a huge problem, but you can communicate without fighting in a healthy relationship.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I know a couple that say "fighting and yelling is our love language" and I am thinking wtf.... They are always fighting, even at family/friends get togethers... it makes people uncomfortable lol

by Evening-Score-5188 2 days ago

We rarely fight. Didn't fight at all until the kids came into the picture. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion and hormones really do a number on people. Not fighting ever was a much happier way to live. But I don't think it's a possibility for most people. Hormones vary person to person and some people can't control their emotions enough to have a calm conversation and listen to a differing opinion without seeing red.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I think it's only an issue when there's zero ~conflict~ in a relationship, not just no fighting. If you never disagree with your partner, you are likely prioritizing peace over communication.

by Anonymous 2 days ago

I dont see how it's possible for 2 people to live together and never fight. It doesnt matter how much you love someone occasionally theyre gonna piss you off and if all youre doing is stuffing all that down inside instead of having the rare but occasional fight about it neither of you are communicating and its not going to end well.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Never fighting isn't a problem but never having disagreements is. It means someone either doesn't care enough about the relationship to voice their true feelings or they're afraid to.

by Educational-Rest 1 day ago

Disagreement does not have to lead to confrontation.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

My SO and I never fight. We've been together for ten years. He's great. I appreciate him dearly. We occasionally disagree but that's all and we always compromise with each other immediately so it never turns ugly.

by After_Welcome 1 day ago

Ehhhh you don't have to have massive fights but small fights every once in a while is a good thing. The problem with never fighting is you don't develop the skills to defuse fights so when one eventually does occur (and it will) the fight may be too big too handle with no experience

by Visual-Speed-5787 1 day ago

You can disagree and learn to deal with disagreement in much healthier ways than fighting. Especially when you work together versus the problem rather than holding childish grudges.

by arlene51 1 day ago

6 years deep here with my S/O. We never really fought before but now we've been fighting (arguing) more and more over just about anything. It's become frustrating and has put a strain on our relationship. So I'm not sure I agree fighting is necessary for a healthy relationship. We seemed better off before we were bickering so much, but it also just may be apart of it.

by tyrastehr 1 day ago

People that say it's "healthy" to argue and fight and have explosive verbal exchanges are toxic as hell. It's not healthy to argue and fight in some loud, unconstructive confrontation. It is not healthy to expect your partner to accept a dynamic that makes your inability to regulate your emotions the baseline for that relationship. Disagreements can be had in healthy, constructive conversations - and that's fine. But if you're being passive aggressive, verbally aggressive, manipulative, overly emotional, etc. - no, that's not healthy. That's not a "healthy" release of emotions or productive way to engage. The only time it is unhealthy to be in a relationship with no "fighting" is if there's avoidance and emotional neglect/abandonment.

by Dear_Interview 1 day ago

Agreed. We have been happily married for 17 years and we never fight. Smooth sailing :-)

by Similar_Plantain 1 day ago

Fighting, no not a problem. But couples need to be able to disagree otherwise someone is swallowing their feelings on everything.

by dakota36 1 day ago

You fight when you want to hurt someone, and you argue when you want to change their mind. If you want to hurt your partner emotionally or otherwise, you are a bad partner.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Fights are not needed but disagreements kinda are. If there's never a single disagreement one or the other isn't speaking up. You dont have to scream, get angry and end up mad at each other but you need to talk about uncomfortable things despite not being very happy during the conversation.

by Johnsonfidel 1 day ago

I guess it depends semantically how you define ‘fight' cause any two people who spend enough time around each other are going to at minimum disagree with each other sometimes.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

This just sounds like a semantics issue to me. A lot of times when people say fight in this context what they mean is disagreement. They're not talking about "letting out pent up anger".

by wayneschiller 1 day ago

I have never heard anyone say a couple never fighting is a problem. What a weird thing to think.

by Inside_News 1 day ago

Wait until you get blindsided by divorce. Never fighting is a problem.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Never fighting does not equal not communicating.

by Ratkeabelardo 1 day ago

Disagreements are fights lol

by EquipmentGlum6251 1 day ago

the fact you think you can't disagree without fighting with someone says a whole lots about you lol

by Anonymous 1 day ago

No.

by Life_Examination 1 day ago

No, most people do not consider a disagreement a fight. Tho this does explain why so many of you are so testy all the time.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Anyone who equates disagreeing and fighting are the same people who think they are being yelled at whenever someone disagrees with them.

by Life_Examination 1 day ago

Yes Fights are two opponents So are disagreements Semantics matters

by EquipmentGlum6251 1 day ago

Says "semantics matter"

by Anonymous 1 day ago

I never feel like my partner and I are opponents. When we disagree on something we look for a solution together. We calmly and respectfully talk about the issue until we come to a compromise or understanding. We do not fight.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

Eh, there's differences between disagreements and arguments. It's not SeMaNtIcS, you're straight up wrong.

by Anonymous 1 day ago

No

by Low-Friendship4659 1 day ago

Yep

by EquipmentGlum6251 1 day ago

So what do you mean when you say that all disagreements are arguments?

by Low-Friendship4659 1 day ago

Not all disagreements are arguments. If I disagree with my collegue about how to discipline kids, I can just shrug and avoid the argument. If it is with my partner...I cannot! We need to go through the argument and get to a resolution! It is just a disagreement if you can leave it... otherwise it has to be an argument

by AccomplishedPace 1 day ago

Right. Disagreements in a relationship doesn't have to have opponents. It can be two people working together to resolve a situation.

by Life_Examination 1 day ago

Thinking that you can avoid ever being on opposite sides is a ridiculous take. You either were never in along term relationship or one of you always rolls over. A) thinks spanking is fine and good B) thinks it is child abuse Now tell me how they aren't on opposite sides! They will certainly feel on opposite sides... and that's normal and good. Saying what you said would make them feel wrong just for feeling like that. It CAN be resolved without yelling, etc. But it is an argument between opposite sides.

by AccomplishedPace 1 day ago