this sounds like something jesusophile would say (guy on youtube not amirite)

if all your characters are EXACTLY THE SAME you're probably Michael Cera

i always hate it when the water is hiding like a ninja and you don't notice it's there and then like 4 hours later ur just like AAARRGH WTF

what if you were attacked by another ninja so you had to drop it, killed them, and then caught it

it's also really awkward if she laughs right after you take your pants off

baking is freaking awesome.......I suddenly feel like making a cake

they probably aren't wearing the bra because they don't really need it

ya know what else is catchy? herpes

what do you mean "as a kid"? I still use crayons for school projects

@When you wake up in your underwear next to a dolphin, you are: 1) dreaming. 2) dead. 3) next to a dead...

5) you woke up stoned out of your mind
6) your friend is dressed up for no reason
7) your friend is dressed up for a sexual reason
8) you've either gained the ability to breath under water or the dolphin can breath on land