Cold blooded animals are always cold because their just dead inside. amirite?

No, definitely not dead.

If dogs could talk it would do wonders for people's self-esteem. Cats would destroy it. amirite?

Cats: "I love you. Let's cuddle ... oh wait, did I just say that? No f you ~slaps~"

You aren't supposed to microwave a Cup of Noodles! amirite?

Depends. Some are marked microwave safe.

@But not as exciting

And potentially more fatal.

They use vibrators duck-taped to sticks.

As a child, you were carried around regularly. One day you were put down, and never picked up again. amirite?
General Grievous could play any computer game with himself as long as he has two controllers, amirite?

You need two brains for that

Everyone probably holds a lot of world records. amirite?
@I got a black eye from falling on a shopping cart. I think that's a world record

I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

"don't be alarmed" is what everyone says before telling you something alarming, amirite?

No offence but...

Sometimes it's hard to figure out where the night ends and the day begins. amirite?

4 AM is a good staring point

A man can have as many kids as possible in his life but there's a certain limit to a woman. amirite?

A man can impregnate multiple women but a woman cannot and thus she is only limited to a certain amount.

Not true. Virgin man donates sperm, virgin woman donates egg, implants them into another virgin woman. 3 virgins create another virgin.

Getting killed by entropy has the lowest probability of death. amirite?

How do you figure that?

If gravity was discovered in 1687, then it took humans 2.8 million years to discover that gravity exists and things fall to the ground, amirite?

Pick up a book please

A giraffe probably has no idea that a whale exists, amirite?

Stoopid long horses