i_love_you_and_tacos

A speech should be as short as a girls skirt, short enough to keep others interested but detailed enough to give others your message. Amirite?

It's "A speech should be like a skirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep things interesting."

The Harry Potter series is the worst book series ever created, amirite?

Have you even read the series? Until you have, don't judge.

It'd be interesting to see statistics of your life after you die. Like, what joke you found the funniest, how many times you smiled, how many times you laughed, how many times you lied, or how many people you loved, amirite?

I'd want to know all of that, plus everything anyone has ever said about me and when.

What's up with the weird names on Disney shows? Teddy and Charlie are girls?! Rocky and CeCe? Gabe and Ivy? London and Miley? Phineas, Tawni, and Sonny?!? amirite?

...Gabe is a completely normal name.

At one point, everyone was a baby. Barack Obama used to wake up in the middle of the night because he was poopy, Osama Bin Laden's greatest joy in life was a bottle of milk, and serial killers cried because they just wanted to be held and snuggled by their mommy. Kind of weird to think about. amirite?
@1090609

They're Benjamin Button's clones.

harry potter was really hard to understand so you just waited untill the movies came out so you could talk to people about it and not look like a dumbbutt am I right?

I started reading them when I was in 2nd grade. I kind of grew up with Harry in a way, and I got older as the books became more complex, so I was able to understand them.

There are two kinds of Texans: the stereotypical kind who are conceited about being big, bad Texans, and then the Austinites, who are conceited about ACL fest, SXSW, not supporting bug businesses, and everything else in the city. But which ever one they are, they're arrogant because they're from Texas, amirite?

I've never been described as concieted before. Tell me more about myself.

The best books to reread are the Harry Potter books because then you can see all the crazy foreshadowing you missed when reading them the first time. Like in Chamber of Secrets: "holy shit, Harry feels close to the diary because they're both Horcruxs, how did I miss that?", amirite?
It seems like every word is offensive nowadays. You can say the word "bookshelf" and someone will be offended, amirite?
@IamProbablyaNinja The name doesn't make any sense in the first place. None of those stories sound average.

The stories used to really be average (things like "Today, I was late for work. MLIA"), but then they somehow changed to what they are now.

Those "Your Baby Can Read" commercials piss me off. I have Hydrocelaphus and I wasn't verbal until I was 4 years old. I learned sign language. I was in speech therapy. I speak very good English. I'm in a regular English class and I might be moved up a level. Just because your kid can read at a young age, it doesn't make them special. amirite?

I hate those commercials, mostly because the little 1-year-old girl always shows me up by reading Charlotte's Web when my first book was the Foot Book by Dr. Seuss when I was 2...

500 years ago when men went to war it was common for them to force their wives to wear chastity belts while they were away. Therefore, in the meantime, only a locksmith could remove these belts. This probably explains why 'Smith' is the most common name in the phonebook. amirite?
The item to the left of you would look cool on your head in public, amirite?

I always knew my guitar would come in handy someday.

There is a HUGE difference between jellyfish and jelly-fish, amirite?

What are you, stupid? Red eye flashes twice!

You sometimes forget the literal meanings of evereday items/food such as Cheez-Its, Ziploc bags, Froot Loops, and Cheerios. amirite?

Am I missing something? Cause I don't get what you mean by "literal meanings."