+690People don't cry because they're weak. People cry because they have been strong for too long, amirite?
+1,806How many immature boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Your mom! amirite?
+672When I die, I should be cremated, compressed into a diamond, and then passed down as a family heirloom. Imagine the looks on the future generations' faces when they hear, "Son, I want you to have our family's treasure. It's your grandpa." amirite?
+2,799Jaywalking? More like jay-running-the-fuck-across-the-street-and-hope-you-don't-get-hit, amirite?
+254What do you call a man who loses 95% of his intelligence? Divorced. amirite?
+268Writers: A blank sheet of paper can be wonderful or terrible. Wonderful when you have beautiful ideas and words to fill it up with, but terrible when it is there mocking you during a bad case of writer's block. Amirite?
+2,674It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb, amirite?
+310The "T" hand signal in football does not stand for Time Out. It stands for Twix. Because the team needs a moment, amirite?
+390A camel and the Black Eyed Peas should get in a fight about who has better humps, amirite?
+3,816The new airport security motto: Can't see London, can't see France, until we see your underpants, amirite?