Pretzeldude16

"Needless to say" is the most useless phrase in the english language, amirite?

I'll raise you, ‘as per my previous email'

Life is like this train that you spend trying to speed up until your 20s, and spend the rest of your life trying to slow down, amirite?

I've always viewed life as a train. More like time. It can feel slow, fast, but you can't go backwards. You can look back but not go forward at will.

Stars make light.... and human beings... amirite?

...make orphans cry

Someone today just bought the pet that will eat them. right?
There is no evolutionary Funktion behind the sensation of itching. amirite

What's Funktion? Itchiness is useful - the purpose is to cause the desire to scratch, which can remove bugs from your skin.

Chickens have breasts even though they don't produce milk. amirite!

They have pectoral muscles and not mammary glands, correct. Most birds (at least the ones capable of flight) have very large pectoral muscles proportionate to the rest of their body.

People in big cities have tiny dogs because their apartments are small. amirite?

And they'd rather not pick up enormous poops.

People often say when you waste food "People in Africa could have ate that" but in reality, the chances of that food ever making it to Africa is very unlikely, amirite?

I would offer to mail it to them, then my grandparents would tell me that's not ok, then they would laugh

An Italian plumber is the face of a Japanese tech company, amirite?

Who looks Mexican and speaks English

If an animal ever becomes smart enough to speak human languages it will instantly have the potential to become even smarter, amirite?

Humans are animals, and we can speak human languages. Does that make us smarter than humans?

The Hokey Cokey could be an irl cheat code for life but no one has truly finessed it yet, amirite?

You do the Hokey Cokey and you smash your head through a wall!

The reason cats can defy the laws of physics is because they intuitively understand physics, amirite?

Cat physicists?

You can escape anything except the future, amirite?

Maybe your future was being dead, so then you can‘t escape that either

Squirrels can't find 80% of the nuts they hide and that's how trees are planted. amirite?

Nuh Uh! God plants all the trees!

Our testicles are nearly always in complete darkness, amirite?