+1,414Wake up in the morning feeling like I'm 50. Grab a saucer out the cupboard I gotta feed my kitty. Before I leave, brush my teeth, with a tube of Colgate, cause when I leave for the night, I'll be back by 8, amirite?
+730If you don't sleep, you get tired. If you don't eat, you get hungry. If you don't drink, you get thirsty. If you don't do anything, you get bored. If you read this, you'll expect a punchline. There's not one. amirite?
+1,268Who needs dance lessons when you can simply walk through a spider's web on your way out of the house, amirite?
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+179It's awesome when you get the person of your dreams, until you realize it was a dream, then it sucks, amirite?