+1,355Idea: if anybody ever points a gun at you, right before they kill you say some enigmatic shit like "the unicorns run more freely on the blue side" so they'll wonder what the hell you were talking about until the day they die, amirite?
+1,082Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them, amirite?
+591The best way to pass time in the car is sleeping. But it's really annoying when everyone starts freaking out that you're "driving off the road," and "hitting other cars.", amirite?
+211After three exclamation marks you get the point and your just wasting precious virtual ink, amirite?
+512People should stop baking things with love. Eventually, some greedy bastard scientist over at Coca-Cola will figure out love's formula, chemically reproduce it, and then get starving Chinese children to do nonstop manual labor in Coke's factories, producing the most amount of LOVE#57 for the least cost as Coke's CEO sits on a pile of coins, smoking a cigar, laughing maniacally as he rolls it in. So next time someone asks you what's in the cookies, just say, "Fuck you, that's what." Amirite?
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+746Imagine if you could live a different person's life every day for a week. For example, one day you'd live a day in the life of an Olympic gold medalist, the day after in the life of a researcher in Antarctica, after that a day in the life of a child living through poverty in Africa, then a day in the life of a billionaire, etc. It would really put your own life in perspective, amirite?
+202You feel really proud when you can see and understand the hidden message in abstract art, amirite?
+190You've had 355 days to shop for gifts, but somehow you end up at the mall the week before Christmas every year. amirite?
+1,014If you're going to kill yourself, before you do it you should photoshop yourself out of all the pictures you can, burn all your previous possessions, and hack and delete all files of yourself, and then drown yourself in the ocean where your body will never be found, so all your friends will be like "Hey, what happened to Steve? Did ... did Steve ever exist? Did we just imagine him?" Amirite?
+233An airplane sounds a lot scarier if you describe it as a metal box that flies 30,000 feet high in the air, amirite?
+156People should litter biscuits instead of garbage so that the homeless would always have a steady supply of bread and whenever you were hungry you could just pick one up slam some jam on it and have a nice biscutty snack, amirite?
+198You miss the older times. When you could just look at your parents with puppy-dog eyes and say please and you could probably get something, when all you had to do in school was sing your ABC's and 123's, when relationship problems didn't exist, when you could say anything without anyone thinking of it dirty, when your parents weren't always talking about money, life as a little kid. amirite?