My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist, I despise gingers and mudbloods, I hate Gryffindor house and my parents used to work for the man who killed Potter's parents. Guess what! I have mastered the use of the potty! Of course I will still wear diapers, though. Only the most respectable wizards wear them. Which reminds me that I must bring extras for when I go to Pigfarts. Pigfarts is the greatest wizardry school in all the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year. Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts! The only reason the bloke doesn't know about Pigfarts is...Pigfarts is on mars! Potter is so stupid! He thinks I can just go to Pigfarts! Potter, if you're reading this, I can't go to Pigfarts! IT'S ON MARS! YOu need a rocket ship! Do you have a rocket ship?! I bet you do! You know, not all of us will inherit enough money to buy out NASA when our parents die! Look! Look at this! Look at it! Rocketship Potter! Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts! I can't wait to go,though. It will be slightly dangerous because there's no atmosphere on Mars, so if a single docking bater opens I'll probably die. But the good news is, if I'm a good enough student, Rumbleroar will let me ride on his back! Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts! He's a lion who can talk! I even drew a picture of Rumbleroar at Hermione Granger and I's wedding. I must say, the drawing was very good. I may want Hermione Granger (and a rocket ship) but that girl cannot draw. I do wish she went to the Yule Ball with me. We don't have dances at Pigfarts. All of the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs. I had to settle going with Pansy! She needed more powder on her nose! The Yule Ball was kind of fun, though. Except there were squirts in the punch! Ugh! I stayed dehydrated! Hermione Granger looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown and Cedric died so I had a better chance of winning the House Cup Tournament! What do you think of that, Potter?! I'm the champion this time! And I have a homemade Dark Mark to prove it!
Anyway, I'm going to go watch Wizards of Waverly Place with Voldemort as he lays out my clothes and washed my knickers! Bye!