FreeMustacheRides

How to get over your fear of the dark: As soon as you turn the lights off, start masturbating. No monster wants to see that shit. While doing it, stare at the corner and whisper, tenderly, “this is for you”, amirite?

From FAQs:

How Is The Post Of The Day Chosen?

"The admins choose the post of the day when we see a really good post. Not necessarily a post a lot of people agree with, but one that make you think and demonstrates what amirite is all about. We pick posts that will give a good first impression of the site as that is the first post new visitors see."

I don't know about you, but if I was a new visitor and saw this...

There's no "I" in "denial", amirite?

Also, there's no "u" in "color."

Because America ROCKS!

"0 Friends Online" Oh, thanks, amirite, for being yet another website that reminds me I have no friends with a little rectangular box in the bottom-right corner of the screen that stares into my soul with disappointment. amirite?
Don't diss AOL... They put the whole Internet on a disk! amirite?
@1120719

I'm 'bout to go hunt yo' damn kindergarten teacher down 'cause bitch did NOT teach yo' ass or nothin' 'bout how to EE-NUN-SEE-ATE yo' damn ABC'S. EASY AS 1-2-3.

Shit, gurl.

It sucks when someone says, "Bear with me" but they don't and you're stuck there growling by yourself, amirite?

A similar yet fatal fate befell one of my friends. Someone was about to shoot him in the back of his head, and another person shouted "DUCK!" And then, my friend just started quacking.

Moral of the story: Proper, animal-free wording can save lives. Start today.

I made a terrible Freudian slip at dinner the other night. I meant to ask my mother "please pass the salt," but what I said was "you psychotic bitch, you ruined my life.", amirite?

Same thing with me and my sister! I intended to say, "Hand me the bread," but instead I said, "OK, it's time for me to confess to you guys that Dad molested me when I was 8." You know, sometimes my mind just wanders off like that! It's kinda weird.

You hate it when your girlfriend asks you to hold her handbag, and it doesn't match what you're wearing, amirite?
It would be awkward if sex worked like the game, and we would all be required to announce whenever we think about it. amirite?
The less you use swear words, the more power they have when you do use them. amirite?

I called someone a "fucking bitch" for stealing my chocolate milk at my lunch table.

People gasped.

There was GASPAGHETTI EVERYWHERE.

It's ridiculously annoying that the word amirite appears at the end of every post. amirite?

So there hasn't been a comment that has made everyone burst out laughing yet. I decided it'll be me. Here it goes:

Poop.

It feels great to take off that Hollister tee after a long day of being a prick, amirite?

It feels great to take off those hipster nerd glasses after a long day of trying too hard to be interesting and complex.

There is so much wasted energy lost in gyms. Let's hook up electric generators to the stationary bikes and step machines. Then people could not only lose weight, but also create energy. It wouldn't be much energy, but if there were enough people attending it could at least cover the energy needs of running the gym itself, amirite?

There are obviously some issues with this type of technology, however. Someone could easily use this for evil. They'd have their fry cook round up and capture every last jellyfish in some fields, kill them through a cruel and gruesome process, and then literally squeeze the jelly out of 'em, with this all being powered by a cheap crustacean riding a bike. Very complex yet possible.

Y'know, just a thought.

Objectophilia: A sexual attraction to objects. I have that, I'm attracted to women, amirite?

Cacophilia: A sexual attraction to ugliness. I have that; I'm attracted to you.

Kids in math problems have way too much time on their hands. Like seriously Avi? You're going to calculate the angle at which you need to ride your bike to get to Market Street? Get a girlfriend or something. amirite?

Where do the math textbook makers get all of the pictures of the kids anyway? Are there, like, math textbook photo-shoots that call for Asian, black, Mexican, and handicapped kids dressed in really retro sweaters and flamboyant patterned sweatpants?

Nice Hummer. Sorry about your penis, amirite?