You have touched something very hot just to see if it was actually hot. It was pretty hot. amirite?

And then I was arrested on molesting charges...

When you imagine a serial killer, you think of a white man, amirite?

In my head, serial killers, pedophiles, and rapists are white. Thieves, gang members, and regular killers are black/hispanic.

Asians own laundromats and stay out of everything. And they're always being robbed by black people.

You should put all your single socks on match.com, amirite?

The drummer doesn't think anything about it, because he us a drummer and incapable of thought.
The bassist cares, but no one listens to the bassist, so it doesn't matter.
The guitarist might care, if he wasn't so busy have sex with all the fans. At once.

The girls at Hooters may be hot, but when it comes down to it, the girls at Subway are the real wife material, amirite?
@Clementines To the girls at Hooters: I know the sign says "No shirt, no shoes: No service" but you really should wear pants.

No shoes, no shirt, and I get no service
Girl look, I'm lonely
Girl look, I'm lonely
Girl look, I'm lonely
F-F-F-Forever alone!
When I walk in hooters
This is what I see
Two double D's and a plate of chicken wings
I got a boner in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it
I'm forever alone and I know it.

Someone should invent a bra that plays music so girls can't complain that guys always stare at their boobs and never listen to them, amirite?
@ASWCC I would have to have x-ray vision to stare at boobs through a t-shirt...which I don't...or do I?

X-ray vision would suck. You're not seeing through clothes, you're seeing bones. It'd be like living in a scary movie where the dead rises. Not to mention that you'd probably give everyone you know cancer.

If you're ever intimidated by someone, don't imagine them in their underwear, imagine them running with a back-pack on, amirite?

I believe the laugh you are looking for is "mwahahah"
For future reference:
BWAHAHAHA = laughing so hard im going to explode
MWAHAHHA = evil laugh
HAHAHAHA = very funny
JAJAJAJA = Yo hablo espanol
TEEHEE = I look cute when I laugh
HEEEHEEE = funny, but not super funny
hehe smilie = I speak amirite

They should really make stomach medicines taste better, cause the last thing I want to swallow when I'm sick is something chalky and ass flavored, amirite?
You were born too late to explore new lands. You were born too early to explore space. You were born on time to explore the internet, amirite?

One day I'll tell my grandchildren about a time when the internet was uncensored and users roamed free within its borders like majestic lions across the grasslands. I'll tell them how we had to type things out instead of using the neural links implanted in our brain stems, how we had to scroll down through dozens of menus, both ways, with a stalled connection to find what we wanted, and I'll remind them that children these days are so ungrateful. I'll tell them how we had programs that connect you to another user across the world and let you talk about your different experiences, and when they ask me if I ever saw anyone's dick between the philosophical debates I'll laugh and find a clever way to avoid answering, because the elderly are entitled to their secrets. I'll complain about my carpel tunnel and advanced arthritis in both thumbs, and at thanksgiving I'll remind them to be thankful for mind upload text. I'll keep my dear old friend, my laptop, on a shelf beside the grandfather clock, where it will gather dust because it's been broken for years and the parts are no longer made, and the children will stare at it in wonder and marvel, "The screen really does fold up!"

Our generation will be the weirdest grandparents, amirite?

Me to my grandchildren, "....and that's how I discovered internet porn!"

Our generation will be the weirdest grandparents, amirite?

You darn kids don't appreciate the CLASSICS. wubwubwubwubwub

"Freedom of religion" means ANY religion, even if none at all, amirite?

Nope, it means you can only be Christian. Try reading a dictionary.

We're overdue for an eruption in Yellowstone, We're overdue for Earth's magnetic field switching, We're approaching a galactic alignment, We're seeing natural disasters in places that don't necessarily witness these things. At some point in our life, shit's gonna go down, amirite?

Shit already went down. Shit is always going down. Tornadoes and Indian attacks and tsunamis and plagues of locusts, slave rebellions and solar eclipses and hordes of vikings come to pillage, volcanoes and freak lightning strikes and houses foolishly built on fault lines, packages lost in the mail and plummeting coconuts and poisonous snakes that get into people's homes and just ruin everyone's day, terrorists and extremists and boyfriends who cheat and toilets that get frequently clogged. The world is full of shit. It has always been full of shit. We see natural disasters of some sort at least once a month. Somewhere a forest is burning, a murderer is plotting, a religious fanatic is predicting the next apocalypse, and lava is slowly oozing out from a volcano in Hawaii. Shit went down in our parents lives, and our grandparents lives, and in the lives of the cavemen from whom we descended. Oh, you're a creationist? Well I'm sure some shit went down in God's workshop while he tried to figure out how to get our feet on straight. This post is meaningless. It means nothing.
Oh look, I told you off. Some shit just went down.