I can definitely see this happening...
Mom: "Oh my gosh, honey, she's beautiful."
Dad: "I know. She looks like just Grandma Shelly."
Mom: "You're right. I think that's what we'll call her. Shelly."
Doctor: "Bitch, shut the fuck up. It looks like a goddamn potato."
The only thing a philosophy degree is useful for is laminating it and using it to shield yourself from the rain when you're living on the streets.
You had me at "Fuck Boy Scouts."
I never understood that. Not gay marriage, but the bikini/bra thing. Picture of thirteen year-old in her bra? YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON FOR POSSESSION OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. Picture of thirteen year-old in a bathing suit? sPrInG bReAk 12'!!!
The site is called "amirite" not "amicuringpolio."
Shit already went down. Shit is always going down. Tornadoes and Indian attacks and tsunamis and plagues of locusts, slave rebellions and solar eclipses and hordes of vikings come to pillage, volcanoes and freak lightning strikes and houses foolishly built on fault lines, packages lost in the mail and plummeting coconuts and poisonous snakes that get into people's homes and just ruin everyone's day, terrorists and extremists and boyfriends who cheat and toilets that get frequently clogged. The world is full of shit. It has always been full of shit. We see natural disasters of some sort at least once a month. Somewhere a forest is burning, a murderer is plotting, a religious fanatic is predicting the next apocalypse, and lava is slowly oozing out from a volcano in Hawaii. Shit went down in our parents lives, and our grandparents lives, and in the lives of the cavemen from whom we descended. Oh, you're a creationist? Well I'm sure some shit went down in God's workshop while he tried to figure out how to get our feet on straight. This post is meaningless. It means nothing.
Oh look, I told you off. Some shit just went down.
That could be a cool phrase for saying you have to pee. "Brb. Gonna release Jesus."
How Is The Post Of The Day Chosen?
"The admins choose the post of the day when we see a really good post. Not necessarily a post a lot of people agree with, but one that make you think and demonstrates what amirite is all about. We pick posts that will give a good first impression of the site as that is the first post new visitors see."
I don't know about you, but if I was a new visitor and saw this...
1. If the remote is more than arms length away, it's impossible to reach
2. It is forbidden to ever get up for your own beverage, you must always ask as many people as possible to get it for you
3. If no one will get you the drink (lazy bastards), you must rethink your thirst
4. Homework is going to take longer than 30 minutes? It's not that important
5. Homework isn't due tomorrow? Thats not getting started tonight
6. Don't set a passoword on your phone, it takes too much energy to enter in EVERY TIME you open your phone
7. Walking from class to class on a daily basis is enough exercise, therefore you can spend the rest of your time on amirite?
8. You must fill your arms to the maximum capacity when moving things so you don't have to ever make two trips
9. If you can't reach your phone charger from your comfy bed, don't bother plugging it in
10. Lifting your arm is too tiring when you first wake up, so just sleep through your alarm clock instead of hitting snooze
11. It takes too much energy to actually find the people in your house you need to talk to, just call them from your cell phone no matter how close you are
41. Don't write all the lazy rules- it's a waste of time
Leave huge tips at cheap diners to freak out the waitstaff. Buy a homeless guy a fully stocked RV, videotape it, and see if you can make it go viral. Set up a charity under an obviously fake name, something like "Ivanna Tinkle," and watch the media have fun with it. Start your own gameshow. Fill a small pool with jello or corn starch and water like you always wanted to do when you were a kid. Hire a bunch of people and prank a small town somehow, like leaving an identical lawn gnome on every doorstep, or organizing a huge impromptu scavenger hunt. Have a ball pit installed in your home. Have a superhero costume custom-made and go bungee jumping in it. Walk into a small store and announce that you want to buy everything in it. Stop people on the street and offer them large sums of money for their clothing. Scatter quarters all over a playground and watch small children have their days made when they find them.
Just think about it. I'm sure you'll find ways to have fun.
Fine, then. How about a gun? Seriously, how badass would that final confrontation have been if Harry walked up and Tom was all
"Now, Potter, once and for all, you di-"
and then Harry pulled out a glock and was like
"Avada Kedavera, motherfucker BAM"
Ahh! Twelve-year-old! KILL IT!!!
Man, who knew Dr. Seuss was such a G?
Bitch, I ain't want no green eggs and ham.
Move fo' I bust a cap in yo' head, Sam I Am.