About me.

I'm not just a Teacher or 'Security Officer', in fact, I like to think of ALL of you, as my Daughters! And that makes me your mama, and what a carin' and lovin' mama I am!

That's right, from now on we're gonna be doing things MY way, from now on we are gonna be doing things, THE UMBRIDGE WAY!


1. No, boys...unless they're cuuutte!
2. No alcohol..unless there's plenty to go arround!

Dur, dur, DUR!...oh, you keep me young gurls, you keep me young...but seriously, if I do catch you breaking any of THE UMBRIDGE WAY RULES, I'll rip your perky little boobs off. (intense stare)

And remember human tears are very...natural. In fact, when I was a young human, tears fell from my eyeballs all the time, until one day my mama Umbride said to me: Dolores, gurl, you put DOWN that cheese cake, you throw out that fondu', and you get up, girl, GET ON UP!

See, it's a man's world, so in order to get ahead you have to be better than a man, u have o be woMAN! And woMEN, of which I am, eat protein bars, falcon eggs, and ROCKS! So now, we...SMASH!

And remember gurls, your mama is gonna keep her baby bears safe, and in order to keep you safe you will do 500 push ups a day and you won't bother me when I'm texting my boyfriend Dumbledore or when I'm trying to torment Potter.