+1,012If you're going to kill yourself, before you do it you should photoshop yourself out of all the pictures you can, burn all your previous possessions, and hack and delete all files of yourself, and then drown yourself in the ocean where your body will never be found, so all your friends will be like "Hey, what happened to Steve? Did ... did Steve ever exist? Did we just imagine him?" Amirite?
+2,087SCIENCE FACT: If you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die, amirite?
+1,181Building a treehouse is killing a tree, and then making his friend hold up his dead body, amirite?
+1,277If someone starts the argument If a tree falls in a woods, but no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? You should say, If I murdered someone in my basement, but no one found the body and no one hears the screams, did I really murder them? That will end the argument. amirite?
+1,283Roses are red, nuts are brown. Skirts go up, pants come down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet. The longer it's in, the stronger it gets. You pull it out and it starts to sag... Oops! It's not what you think, it's a Lipton Tea Bag! amirite?
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+2,923He came to me one night, explored my body, he licked - sucked - swallowed, when he left I was hurt .. STUPID MOSQUITO! amirite?
+793They should have a "super episode" where one crime is solved by the cast of various crime dramas coming together. The cast of CSI can focus on the forensics of the crime scene. Those of Bones can focus specifically on the body. Those from Criminal Minds can develop a profile of the unsub. Patrick Jane of the Mentalist can fuck around with the suspects. And then they can throw in House to just shit on everybody and solve the mystery three tries in. Amirite?
+768ROTFLMAO would sound so much better like this --> I am wracked with such hearty guffaws that in addition to rolling to and fro upon the floor my posterior has separated itself from my body. amirite?
+782Fun fact: The average human body contains enough bones to make up an entire human skeleton, amirite?
+623Girls: You think guys should stop thinking that what people so loathingly refer to as the “friendzone” is some sort of purgatory women put “nice guys” into. your friendship is not a crappy consolation prize that you’re left with if you deny them a sexual relationship– and your body is not his reward for good behavior. amirite?
+853Whilst in the shower, you are under a lot of false pretenses: "Oh yeah, my body is lookin' TAN!" "I'm definitely clean-shaven now..." "MAN, I have a Grammy award-winning voice!" Then you get out of the shower and it's like, "Damn." amirite?
+1,118If Mr. Fantastic can stretch any part of his body, his wife must be one lucky lady: he could potentially have the world's biggest..... heart, amirite?
+606You will always be stuck in the same body, with the same soul. And the person you just passed on the sidewalk has a completely different life that they are living that you know nothing about. And your lives just intersected for a split second when you made eye contact, amirite?